Mad Mad House, Episode 2: Is That a Cucumber in Your Loincloth or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Welcome back to the Mad Mad House, where the inmates hold the keys to the asylum and the moon is always full. If this is your first visit to the realm of the Alts you should take just a moment to read through my recap of last week’s episode. In a nutshell, there are now nine houseguests living in a mansion with the five Alts – a witch, a vampire, a modern primitive, a voodoo priestess, and a naturist. Each week one of the guests is voted out of the house by the Alts after a pair of challenges that are based according to the lifestyle of one of the Alts. Ratings for the first episode were almost triple the normal Sci-Fi Channel numbers and hopes are high for the rest of the series’ run. I’d like to thank those of you who wrote me with your comments about the premiere and will take a moment before we get into this week’s episode to share your opinions.

While Don the Vampire is the talk of the message boards and seems to be quite the hit with the ladies, I did receive several comments from people who feel he is the least pleasant of the Alts. Some felt he was a poseur and somewhat of a fraud and a couple of people said that he comes across as an immature man playing at a fantasy. As the series progresses we will doubtlessly learn a lot more about the man’s sincerity, but the most astute observation came from a reader who felt Don was out of place for a different reason. While the other four Alts use the study of their various pursuits for the betterment of themselves and others, Don’s lifestyle involves strengthening only himself at the expense of others because he takes energy from those around him. I wonder if this will become more of an issue in coming episodes. The most common opinion in the e-mails I received was one that I voiced myself in my last article; compared to some of the Alts in the house, it is the guests who are coming across as the unusual individuals. This observation becomes even clearer in this week’s episode, so let’s not waste any more time!

Episode 2 begins with a brief summary of last week’s excitement and we once again see Hamin get betrayed by his “friend” Brent during the elimination ceremony. In an interview clip, Brent tries to explain his decision saying, “I have respect for Hamin but I have a lot of respect for Loana because I got to talk to her one-on-one about her faith.” Loana is more than a little shaken at coming within a breath of elimination because she “felt like she had been open” to the things the Alts had been sharing with each of them.

After the elimination, the guests gather in the living room for drinks and we see Kelly doing some plotting. “If we get rid of Nichole,” she whispers to Eric, “I can get more attention.” In interview she continues, saying, “She never shuts her fat mouth! I never get to say a word!” The booze continues to flow in the living room – most of it into Kelly – and her behavior begins to get erratic. Jamie tells us, “Kelly was drunk and her and Nichole started debating and I thought, oh my God this is going in a bad direction.” We cut back to the living room where Kelly is telling Nichole, “you keep talking… and talking… and talking… and...” Suffice it to say that she repeats this over… and over… and… well, you get the idea.

Jamie finally can’t take it any longer and tells Kelly, “you can’t live in glass houses.” Kelly’s voice goes up a few notches and she becomes indignant. “I thought you were nice!” she retorts. Eric tells us in interview that Kelly is crazy with a few drinks in her and suggests that if her boyfriend ever wants to deflower the self-proclaimed virgin, all he needs to do is give her a few glasses of wine. Back in the living room, Kelly has abandoned the discussion to get down on all fours and argue with the German shepherd that was minding its own business in another corner of the room. No, I’m not kidding. She’s soon chasing the poor confused pooch and barking her head off at it. In a voiceover she says that it doesn’t make her any less of a Christian that she gets drunk. “Everyone that’s Christian should get drunk once in a while. It’s no big deal.” Perhaps this is what she was trying to explain to the dog. Since the producers failed to grant the dog equal interview time, we may never know.

The Alts enter the living room and announce that it’s time for a change of sleeping arrangements. The Alts are going to select new roommates. The choices are:

• Don the Vampire selects Noel
• Avocado the Naturist invites Jamie
• Aya Ta’shia the Voodoo Priestess chooses Tim
• Fiona the Witch asks for Loana
• Art the Modern Primitive picks Bonnie and he seems much more comfortable with the hug and kiss he receives from her than he did when he received the same treatment from Nichole last week.

One thing we aren’t shown is a clip of some time that Kelly spends in Don’s bedroom. This is only available as a bonus clip at the official website for the show. Last week we saw a glimmer of the dark nature of Don’s sense of humor when he held a casket lid closed on a guest. In this bonus clip he convinces Kelly that a chair in his room is really an electric chair and scares the hell out of her by turning off the lights when she sits in it. He has a hearty laugh while she stands there shaking in fear and says that it was a moment for the ages.