American Idol 3, March 17: I Love You, I Love You Not

Ryan welcomes us, wishing us a happy St. Patrick’s Day. He also says last night was the highest-rated Tuesday night ever for Fox (even more than the finale last year??). Ryan also tells us that someone’s dreams are being crushed tonight. Duh. And, Clay Aiken is here.

Intro the judges (“here’s something you won’t like”). Jeez, Ryan.

Intro the contestants, looks like Jennifer Hudson and Camile Velasco are in the hot seats.

Recap of last night’s show, but the voiceover is missing in action, so Ryan tries to read over the footage and botches it up pretty well at first. Of course, you can get full details right here.

Ryan chats a moment with the contestants. Why not, it’s an hour show tonight! Prepare for more filler than a cheap burrito. Ryan asks John Stevens how he can get Randy on his side. John has no idea. Randy says he just “has to get better,” and that being a “C-level Frank Sinatra” was not working for him. Ryan asks Jennifer Hudson where the nefarious pink dress is lurking. She doesn’t know, her sister may have it. Sis is “coming for” Simon. Simon was distracted and didn’t even hear it. Ryan asks George why he shaved the moustache. George takes three minutes to say it was time. He’s a talkative sort. Jon Peter Lewis is asked if he is really dressed like a banana in some footage. Blushing furiously, Jon says we’ll see.

And, we do. The first “video” with all 12 finalists is a rendition of “Fame” that is really a Ford commercial. They are wearing working people uniforms. It is dreadful. Jon is, in fact, dressed like a banana. I thought those videos would die with the American Juniors.

Now, the dreaded group number. All 12 performing a medley of soul standards. The girls are clearly out-classing the guys, and they all needed more rehearsal time. This is what high ratings brings us. Sigh.

As is tradition, all of the Top 12 are housed together luxuriously. This year, the house looks like Dexter’s laboratory from the outside, but inside, it is spectacular! Looks a bit like my summer home. Ahem. Montage of madcap fun had by all.

Hey, there’s Jason Bateman in the front row! I said, Jason Bateman! He says Idol is just about the best show on television. He happens to be on a show on Fox called Arrested Development. And it’s on next. What a coincidence.

Clay Aiken is here to perform “Solitaire.” The Paul Anka one, not the Laura Branigan one (I‘d pay money to hear that!). After a rough start, Clay nails the living be-jesus out of the money note in the midst of the song. Remember when we got to see him every week? Good times. (And if you want to hear “Solitaire” every week – or every minute or every day – just click here to buy the single!)

Clay says he got a little nervous being in the studio again. (It showed.) Ryan says 2.4 million albums sold and he’s gone triple platinum. Not quite sure how that adds up or if Ryan made a mistake in reading the number – we know it’s happened before! >"Last time I checked, '2.4 million sold' is double platinum. But, maybe "2" doesn't mean double anymore, so let's see what the Record Industry Association of America (RIAA) says: "The Record Industry Association of America awards gold certifications for album sales exceeding 500,000 units and platinum certifications for sales exceeding 1,000,000 units." Okay, so it is sales, not units shipped. Yep, Ryan is wrong again. Anyway, Clay says the tour with Kelly Clarkson is going well.

The finalists have a chance to ask Clay totally and completely unplanted questions, I’m sure. Matt says he is having nightmares about Simon (Clay wonders if Matt should be admitting that publicly), how did Clay deal? Clay says focus on the goal and don’t let anything get in the way. Ryan says, “ie Simon.” Clay says, yeah, I guess. Fantasia Barrino asks if people treat him differently. Clay says fame is hard. Then a group of Claymates rush the stage and sacrifice a lamb in front of Clay, and he turns the blood into wine. Just kidding.

Thankfully, it’s time for the results. Last night, I said I thought the bottom three would be Leah, Camile, Amy. And I predicted Leah will be talking the long walk:

Diana DeGarmo - not in the bottom three

LaToya London - not in the bottom three

Jon Peter Lewis - not in the bottom three

Leah LaBelle - Bottom 3

John Stevens - not in the bottom three

Fantasia Barrino - not in the bottom three

George Huff - not in the bottom three

Matt Rogers - not in the bottom three

Jasmine Trias - not in the bottom three

Amy Adams - Bottom 3

That leaves Jennifer Hudson and Camile Velasaco. They look at each other nervously. Ryan reads the critiques. And Jennifer Hudson is in the bottom three! What?? That is bogus! No way she’s going home.