ESPN Dream Job, Episode 5: Evening at the Improv

It’s the penultimate week of ESPN Dream Job and golly, it seems like just yesterday that I wrote last week’s recap!

This week’s “My SportsCenter” challenge is all about improv. Each contestant gets a set of props and have to make up as many jokes as possible… no, wait, that’s Whose Line. Wrong improv show there, sorry. Each contestant will actually have two sets of highlights to announce. For the first set, they’ve had a chance to look over the shot sheet and write an intro, but have never seen the video. For the second set, they will receive the shot sheets as they are doing the first set. With no time to look over the shot sheet or the highlights, who will stand out, and who will BE out?

I should point out that, since all the highlights are on NCAA Basketball Tournament games, I’ll have very little to say about the highlights themselves. And for those of you who just muttered, “Thank GOD,” well, you can bite me.

Mike Hall is first up. He stumbles a bit on the outro from the first game, but it’s nothing big. In transitioning into the second set of highlights, he makes a BIG mistake by saying, “and here is that shot sheet.” One of those things where you say what you’re thinking about instead of the naked Kirsten Dunst you mean. He does a pretty good job on the highlights, but gets into the annoying habit of saying “and here is…” to fill time. It’s this show’s version of “um” and “you know,” I suppose.

To the judges, Tony Kornheiser says he never had to do improv, so he doesn’t envy the contestants. He points out the “shot sheet” error, the look on Mike’s face tells me he didn’t even realize he said it. But Tony thinks he set the bar at a reasonable level. Kit Hoover also mentions the shot sheet mistake, but says job well done. LaVar Arrington says he doesn’t need to mention the shot sheet error. But you just did! Anyway, he thinks the energy level needs to be picked up. Finally, Al Jaffee thinks he did a good job except for mispronouncing Xavier University as “X-Zavier.”

Kelly Milligan is next. He does a fine job with the highlights, and I would have never known that he hadn’t seen the game, judging by his presentation.

Kit says he seems comfortable, but thinks he needs to slow down up there. LaVar agrees, saying he seems like an infomercial. Al picks up two mispronunciations, saying that it goes to the heart of their credibility to make sure everything is pronounced right. Tony thinks Kelly should have played up the fact that his first highlight was of a #10 seed beating a #2.

Batting third is Aaron Levine. He sneaks in a great catchphrase, “He wines and dines the twine,” that Stuart later asks to borrow. He then impresses me by inserting the catchphrase, “He’s got major dunk appeal,” into highlights he’s never seen. That’s quick thinking on your feet. But he almost immediately melts down, stumbling hard over the final score before recovering for the wrap-up.

LaVar loves the intro, but mentions the score hang up. Al corrects Aaron, as he said “cross-court” instead of “coast to coast” and also misread the score of the game earlier on. Tony likes Aaron adding a stat that wasn’t on the screen, but is surprised by the big stumble at the end. Kit likes that he kept his composure at the end, and thinks that he fell behind on the first highlight.

This week’s Dream Job time-waster is a good one. Apparently Al Jaffee is more of a weirdo than that guy in the Mr. Goodwrench commercials, as he gives the “Al Jaffee Sports Quiz” to everyone in the ESPN building, from the anchors on down to the guys who cut the grass. I think the word we’re looking for is “obsessive.”

Casey gets one correct. Zach nails three and really should have gotten the fourth one about the Boston Red Sox pitchers but choked, answering Al Sharpton. We all know that’s wrong just because of the hair. But Zach manages to come up with Pele’s jersey number, which I think is pretty impressive. Kelly only gets one, passing on the first two questions. Aaron, Maggie, and Mike all come up with two.

I would have been lucky to get one right on any of the quizzes. I’m embarrassed at the lapse in my geekdom.

Tony would have lost all his bets on who would have done best and worst; he can’t believe that Kelly would pass. Kit agrees that you should at least throw a guess out there. LaVar takes task with Zach naming Al Sharpton as a pitcher, and picks on some of the other guys for missing easy questions. Al thinks the questions were great. But he’s biased.

Before the break, Stuart pulls Maggie and Mike aside to comment on a New York Post story that they have formed a little alliance off-camera. Maggie maintains that it’s only for strategic reasons, since Mike was regarded as an early favorite. Mike, on the other hand, claims that nothing would get in the way of either of them getting the job, even if he had to break the little kitten’s neck to do it. Actually, I added that last part, but may I just say, it sounds like true love. Or at least a quickie in the parking lot.

Casey Stern gets to follow that. His recap is, oddly, quite boring, as he just doesn’t put any energy into it. He claims that one player “can really ball.” I’m betting he’s too young to get the same meaning from that that I get. But then he mentions Bob, the Enzyte guy, and I wonder. He also pronounces the school as “X-Zavier,” which, along with Kelly’s earlier question about how Stuart would hand him the second shot sheet, makes me think that the contestants don’t get to watch each other.