Mad Mad House, Episode 4: Let Sleeping Vampires Lie

It’s time once again to cross the threshold and enter the Mad Mad House. This week will see yet another guest sent home and conflict between the guests, the Alts and the guests, and even between the Alts themselves. There is a good deal to cover, so let’s not waste any time.

The recap of last week passes quickly with us once again being reminded of Tim’s 24 hours of silence, Jamie’s half-hearted showing at the Voodoo ritual, Bonnie’s victory at that same ritual, and finally, Brent’s almost unanimous eviction from the mansion. After Brent leaves, the guests cluster around Bonnie, who sat in with the Alts as they deliberated whom to evict. Loana Wants to know what the Alts had to say about Brent. Bonnie tells everyone that although Art defended Brent, it was ultimately decided that of all the guests, he had done the least honest exploration and growth. Once that first question from the others is answered, Bonnie begins to volunteer information about what the Alts think of the remaining guests. She tells Loana that the Alts want her to talk louder and speak up more and informs Nichole that she is “golden” because the Alts think she is a terrific and strong woman. Eric tells us in an interview clip that he now feels Nichole may be his strongest competition in the house.

Before Bonnie can go any further; the Alts come into the room and announce that they are going to be choosing new roommates. Fiona chooses Eric, who tells us that she is “one very sexy witch!” Avocado selects Noel, who appears so bored with it all that he doesn’t even twitch a muscle from the spot where he has sprawled out. Art takes Jamie, who flashes an insincere smile that even a beauty pageant contestant wouldn’t try. Don decides to have a “good old time” with Tim, and Ta’Shia chooses Loana. Nichole is initially upset about being left unchosen, but makes up for any lost ground by applying some lipstick, puckering up, and kissing Fiona’s butt. With a straight face she tells Fiona that she and her sister joke about being witches because, “If I think about something, and put my energy out there about something, it usually happens.” Fiona agrees that it’s likely Nichole has some ability and wants to talk more about it later. “I love Nichole,” Fiona gushes in interview sometime after cleaning the lip prints off of her backside, “I think she’s a very interesting woman!”

After rushing upstairs to help Eric get settled in, Fiona climbs into bed, but Eric is not about to let her drift away without at least making some attempt to get closer to her. He tells her she can be very intimidating because she’s beautiful, has written about six books, is intelligent, has really big… never mind, I was about to start writing about what he was really thinking, not what he was saying. Since this line of assault fails to cause Fiona to leap out of her bed and into his arms, he opts to attempt some game strategy. “Nichole is driving me nuts,” he says. “She likes to brag. She has a story about everything and has that fake smile. Noel and I can’t stand her.” Fiona expresses surprise at this and Eric tells us that he is trying to plant seeds of doubt about Nichole so the Alts will turn against her. His plan seems to be working because Fiona tells us that she is beginning to wonder if Nichole has been “playing” her. But Eric’s ploy is a two-edged sword. Fiona also tells us that she thinks Eric might just be strategizing and plotting to get some people knocked out of the game. “I’ve got to get to the bottom of this!” she tells us.

The next morning begins with Noel being told by Avocado what Eric wanted to hear from Fiona. “Avocado told me to take off all my clothes,” he tells us. He doesn’t sound very excited about the concept. Together he and Avocado go from room to room to wake the other guests and invite them on a nature hike. None of the guests is too thrilled with being awakened by naked men, but Jamie manages to make the best of it by patting Noel’s bare butt a couple of times. Soon all of the guests are joining the now clothed Avocado and Noel in the black SUVs – Noel, Eric, Loana, and Jamie join Avocado in the lead vehicle, with Bonnie, Nichole, and Tim trailing in the other. Eric starts phase two of his strategy by making some jokes about how rich she is. The others quickly join in. Loana mentions that Nichole “kisses but like crazy” and Eric reveals to us in interview that those in the lead car had formed a bit of a secret alliance called “Let’s get Nichole out of here now!” Avocado remains silent in the vehicle but isn’t fooled a bit. “I think that Nichole is such a front-runner here that they’re trying to knock her down a little bit,” he assures us.

The groups arrive at what Avocado describes as one of his favorite nature trails. On the hike they will learn just what a Naturist does. They will be picking will raw foods and indeed, as they travel he introduces them to several plants that they pick and try. They walk past a pile of horse droppings along the way and Tim, who has apparently had all he can stand of not being the center of attention, stoops and picks it up. No, I’m not kidding. As everyone backs away from him as if he’s just announced that he’s a carrier for the Ebola virus, he explains loudly that, “Horses don’t digest like dogs do. This is just wet grass.” Noel tells us that he came to the rapid decision that he wouldn’t be shaking Tim’s hand for the remainder of the day.

As they get further along the trail, Tim again cannot restrain himself from commanding center stage. In the midst of a discussion about a toxic plant sticking out of a hillside, Avocado stops in surprise as Tim starts climbing the muddy face of the hill for no apparent reason. Over the course of the morning Tim continually wanders off of the trail to do ridiculous things and at one point Avocado has to tell him not to pee on the bushes. Undaunted but pouting, Tim moves on to his next stunt which seems to involve dancing with a tree. Avocado, an expert at noticing the obvious, tells us that Tim made a bit of a fool out of himself.