Mad Mad House, Episode 7: Shifting Alliances and the Three Blood Martini Lunch

Welcome back once again to the Sci-Fi Channel’s weekly attempt to show the world that even vampires and witches can’t resist gossip and high drama. I’d like to tell you that this week’s episode was chock full of action that is going to keep you on the edge of your chair, but the truth is that there was more intrigue in some of the deleted scenes available at the official website than there was in the show itself. If you needed to miss an episode of the series, this was the one to skip.

After a brief recap of Noel’s brush with elimination in last week’s episode, we jump into the living room where Noel, Loana, Eric, and Jamie have gathered to deal with the aftermath. Jamie tries to offer excuses for placing the necklace around Noel’s throat, growing increasingly distraught until she finally decides that it’s the alts who are to blame because they forced the guests to vote against one another. Noel tells them all that it’s no big deal and that they shouldn’t feel weird about it because he certainly doesn’t.

The alts, as is their habit, slip into the room during the conversation and Jamie whirls on them saying, “I don’t think this was our decision to make! I feel blindsided.” Nichole, who has come in with the alts, tells her, “I think that was the whole point.” Loana decides it’s time to get a few things off of her chest. “I don’t trust any of you anymore,” she tells them. The alts are surprised to hear this and Fiona tells her that she needs to look deeper. At the show’s official website there is an extended clip of this sequence that is far more revealing than what was shown in the broadcast itself. In the clip, Fiona is dominating the conversation, much to Don’s increasing agitation. Don finally asks to be able to get a word in edgewise and even snaps at Art when he tries to intercede. After the ensuing drama, the clip returns to the broadcast version where Don finally gets to ask Loana, “What the heck did you think you were getting yourself into?” Loana tells him that she doesn’t know, but there was once trust and that it’s now gone.

Then, not merely content to irritate the alts by telling them her true feelings, she decides to see if she can enrage them; “Can I tell you one thing? I know you’re gonna make Nichole the winner. I think you guys are buying it. There’s something about her that’s really fake and I don’t like that.” Once again it is Fiona who rises to the bait. “Do you really think we’ve gone through all this just to give Nichole the money?” she asks. “That we’re buying her thing? That we’re that naïve? I’m really disappointed. I have fought for you harder than you know just to keep you in this game.” In interview, Iya Ta’Shia is a bit more understanding and says, “If I had been her I’d have been (angry) too, but she has to learn to be tactical and her response is going to hurt her in future ceremonies.”

The next morning the guests are awakened early by Don, who tells them that his big ceremony will be happening and he wants to take them all out shopping so they will have proper clothing for the event. Your opinion may differ, but I can honestly say that if I’m ever awakened by a bloody-fanged vampire leaning into my face and saying, “Wake-y wake-y,” the first thing I’ll be shopping for is new bed linens and pajamas. As they arrive downtown, Avocado decides to take Noel under his wing and help him pick out a new wardrobe. Noel tells us in an interview clip that the irony of a nudist giving him fashion advice was not lost on him! He mentions to the group that he feels like he’s in the movie Pretty Woman and it is jokingly suggested that he dress up like a woman. Taking the bull by the horns, Noel quickly picks out some lingerie, drops his pants, and runs up and down the street in a teddy that forces Noel Jr. to hide in a digital blur and makes several local citizens consider a move to Times Square, where people are a bit more normal. The alts, for once completely ignored by the man on the street, are quite amused although Avocado of all people worries that Noel is flirting with both legal and psychological repercussions that could arise from such cheeky activities.

Nichole, however, is now in her natural element. She tries on several outfits and checks herself in the mirror each time. Fiona observes this activity and realizes that while Nichole may not be “fake” she certainly seems concerned more with surface appearances than inner beauty. Considering that over the course of the series we’ve seen Fiona flash more cleavage and overall skin acreage than Paris Hilton on a French beach, I can only murmur something about pots calling kettles black. Oh, and if Omarosa should happen to be reading this, that was not a racial remark! Jamie picks out a sleek black outfit for herself that has Avocado’s eyes popping and his mind fervently working to come up with another nude challenge. As the shopping trip concludes, the alts find what they feel is the perfect look for Noel who winds up looking like the world’s first gay gangsta rapper, “Sir Swishalot.” Eric tells us that he’s getting mighty sick of the attention the alts are giving Noel.

The time has now come for Don’s trial, and Eric is worried. He doesn’t have the strongest stomach and he speculates that they might have to eat cow eyeballs or dog testicles. As they enter the dining room they see goblets of blood. There is no first ceremony or trial this week; we’re going straight to the immunity contest. As usual the winner is safe from elimination, sits in with the alts while they discuss the elimination, and will cast the tiebreaker vote if necessary. Don begins by telling Nichole that since nobody was eliminated at the last ceremony, her immunity from last time will still be valid and she doesn’t have to participate in the ceremony. While this is a great relief to Nichole, the other guests are none too thrilled.