The Osbournes, Season 3, Episode 8: Stir-Crazy & Bored

Another slow week of Osbourne news, so onward to this week’s episode.

Jack and Ozzy are watching a movie. Jack loves the movie, although he admits that it is “gory as (bleep).” Ozzy seems mystified by the movie at first, but then gets into it, screaming, “No! Don’t!” as the movie’s soundtrack music grows tense. Jack has a look on his face that suggests his dad is just joking. Still, Ozzy tells him to turn the “(bleeping) thing off.” Jack comments that Ozzy is actually getting into the movie, and a quick edit seems to show Ozzy replaying the scene from the movie again and screaming.

The problem here is that the additional shot of Ozzy shouting “No!” is clearly from earlier in the scene. His request to replay the movie scene is stated off-camera as a shot of him fumbling with the remote is shown. In other words, none of it appeared to be true beyond the initial segment of Ozzy saying “No!” the first time. Thus, MTV’s editors took a scene that was cute and, in trying to make Ozzy look stupid, made it pointless.

As we shall see, that is a demonstration of what is to occur throughout the entire episode this week, unfortunately.

After the opening credits and title (which is “Pain in the Neck”), the show cuts back to the house, where Sharon and Ozzy sit together in a room. Ozzy is complaining about his neckbrace, once again pointing out that he is frustrated by the fact that he cannot exercise. He then asks how many seconds he’ll be seeing Sharon that weekend, because she is going away once again. A jump-cut takes the audience to Sharon’s departure, and she tries to give an angry Ozzy a kiss goodbye. He refuses, and Sharon takes off anyway.

There is then a long montage of Ozzy puttering around the house. In a room somewhere (it is not explained where), Sharon and Melinda discuss Ozzy’s lack of energy. Melinda points out that Ozzy slept twelve hours the night before. This, she feels, is too much sleep for him and it is dragging his energy down.

Ozzy is shown watching television at the house. A montage of television ads appear for a local lawyer. Why? Well, it is obviously supposed to be a juxtaposition of Ozzy’s current physical state with all these people who are having accidents in the ads, but it doesn’t really come off well and is rather tedious.

Ozzy then talks to Sam out in the driveway and asks if he would be interested in watching the special edition DVD of Schindler’s List, which has “twenty minutes of graphic footage” they couldn’t put in the movie when it was released. It is pretty obvious that Ozzy is just drumming up the big deal about having the DVD to watch, but the impression made in the editing is to make Ozzy seemingly interesting only in the “twenty minutes of graphic footage” and nothing else. Again, another chance to make Ozzy look foolish when he really isn’t coming across that way in reality.

Sam is agreeable to watching it and as Ozzy lies on the couch, Sam asks if Ozzy needs a pillow or some other contraptions Ozzy should be wearing when he lies down. Ozzy finally understands what Sam is saying and complains about wearing the braces once again.

Meanwhile, Jack gets a tattoo. It is an excellent tattoo job and makes for dull television.

Returning to the house, Jack asks Ozzy to join him at a “men’s meeting” of some sort. (That’s what the captioning says at least.) Ozzy does not want to go, and begins to complain about being fat. Jack thinks he is acting “like a woman,” but Ozzy points out that he needs to exercise because he has a room full of clothes that he cannot fit into. He also tells Jack that calling him a woman is insulting. They talk a little about going to a gun-range to shoot some guns and rifles, and then Jack shows off his tattoo, claiming that he has gotten rid of one addiction for another.

Later in the kitchen, Melinda and another woman are comparing breast sizes. Ozzy jumps into the conversation to point out that men’s breast get bigger as they age as well. “Something to look forward to,” Melinda quips, as Ozzy then discusses his liposuction to reduce his chest size.

Getting tired of sitting around the house, Ozzy decides to go grocery-shopping. He works out a list with Sharon and then heads to the store with Tony. Ozzy has problems with the grapes, but really has a problem with Tony as it turns out. Tony tries to convince Ozzy to use another bag when Ozzy begins loading a bag too full. Ozzy refuses to listen. Ozzy then gets confused with Sharon’s request for “washing liquid” as Tony is not sure if that means “dishwashing liquid for the dishwasher” or “dishwashing liquid for hand-washing the dishes.” Ozzy gets tired of the question and hunts down a clerk to ask his opinion. The clerk runs off scared without responding to Ozzy’s question and never returns. Ozzy tries to track the man down, but finally gives up as it does nothing to get him closer to finding the “washing liquid” he needs. He complains about the shopping as he and Tony continue.