Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno, Episode 14 – The One Where Kendal Messes Up

The past two weeks haven't been fun for me. First, my girl Shii Ann got voted out of Survivor: All-Stars, and I had to endure five annoying people going for the grand prize. As I write this, I'm hoping that Jenna or Rupert don't win, or I'll go nuts. CBS put up a page for The Amazing Race 5, complete with a preview clip... which I can't see with my slow dial-up connection. The point: between that and other things that I won't get into right now, I somehow forgot how annoying and loathsome my recap subjects could be. This past Monday, I was reminded. Oh, how I was reminded.

Previously on The Inferno: Kendal and Mike got romantic. Leah messed up Fallen Angel, and was singled out as Real World's weakest link. Road Rules won the mission, upping their bank account to $90,000. Timmy got selected by RW, but his teammates schemed to save them. Veronica contemplates winning the Aztec Lifesaver, then taking Timmy's place. She interviews that losing Timmy would be devastating. On the other side, RW openly schemes to shove Leah into the Inferno, much to her annoyance.

Villa. Veronica, Christena and Timmy chat about how hard it is to throw missions. Veronica interviews that the team is looking to get Timmy the Aztec Lifesaver... in order to send Katie in. But that trick never works! You jerks already have $90,000! She hasn't been that big an albatross! Great... not even a minute into this episode, and I'm already raging. Across the pool, Katie rocks in a chair, blissfully unaware of the machinations. If I'm Katie, Veronica would be my new best friend. I wouldn't let that back-stabber out of my sight. Veronica tells her cohorts to keep it quiet, lest Katie find out. Abram interviews that he hopes everybody is on the same page.

Cut to Kendal, with Mike at an arcade. Did you hear that? That was an anvil falling. I'm surprised it didn't land on you. Mike interviews that he can trust Kendal. He adds, "She's a very smart girl, and a very good, wholesome, down-to-earth fun to be around." Kendal: "Mike's a good guy. He's fun, he's charming, and you know that here's something there by the way you kiss somebody. Mike and I are compatible kissers." Blech. They walk off arm-in-arm.

Day lapses to night, and night lapses to day. Dave welcomes everybody to Saturn Valet Ballet. Apparently, the car manufacturer sent an extra-big sack of money in order to get a second mission. Dave instructs the players to check out the Saturn Ion, and they ooooh and aaaah accordingly. The objective of this mission is to get the car to the valet stand as quickly as possible. The twist? Five other cars have to be moved in order to get the Ion out. Darrell is back to wearing the wig and the fake teeth. Yeah, whatever. Another twist: there are sixteen sets of keys, but the key chains and the license plates match. Holly expositions that if a player doesn't buckle up before starting the car, a one-minute penalty is incurred. Hitting another car or a wall results in disqualification. No word on the usual slowest time plus two minutes, so I'll assume that. Team with the fastest average time gets $10,000. Also, the fastest players on each team receive the Aztec Lifesaver. Christena reminds us that Timmy and David have to win the AL. Timmy interviews that the teams are looking out for their best interests with regards to the final missions, and RR wants him to stay.

Timmy goes first for RR, as he studies the license plates and grabs the keys. He moves the first car out of the way, huffing and puffing as he runs. A referee catches him not having his seatbelt on. Finally, he completes the mission at 10 minutes, 26 seconds. He interviews that he did well, then tells any kids watching to always buckle up. For some reason, I can never stay mad at Timmy. He's such a cornball.

Abram runs, studying the cars, not going out of his way to grind his sneakers into Katie's ego this time. He's still a jackass, though. Katie looks on, her face soured. She interviews that she thinks sabotage is afoot. "He does seem to be taking his time," she continues, "which is not very Abram-like." Abram babbles while he's running, incurs a penalty, and finishes at 14:26.

David talks to Leah about the starting order, wanting to go 1-2 with her. Here comes CT to hammer us with his distaste. "We want to get rid of Leah," he interviews. "She's slowing our team down, she's dead weight, she doesn't even compete in missions. Why should we be splitting money with this girl?" Coral expositions that if David beats Leah's time, the other guys will throw the mission. Leah decides to go second. David interviews that it's a good mission for him, since he does a lot of parallel parking in Boston. He also has this mustache, like he just guzzled chocolate milk.

David starts. Want to know how sad I am? Not only do I recognize the background music, I actually remember it from a previous episode (Battle of the Seasons, the one where they spoof The Newlywed Game). His teammates shout, but he shushes them. He has trouble parking. "So at this stage," Leah interviews, "I definitely still have a good chance to win." David parks the cars, finishing at 10:01."Even if she gets everything in a row," he interviews of Leah, "she's not going to run faster than me." Leah: "Bottom line today is that I have to beat David's time."

After commercials, Leah starts off. She manages to park three cars before smacking into one with the fourth car for the disqualification. She interviews that David beat her and she's going to the Inferno. "CT," she adds, "I hope you're [bleeping] happy." She sits down, breathing hard and sobbing. Darrell comes by, pulls her up, and hugs her, telling her to keep her head held high. I know Darrell's a pain, but that was sweet of him... especially when compared to Mike. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Veronica's turn. Background music: "It's time to take out the trash!" Sadly, the trash is still on my screen. She interviews about shooting for a good time, but not to beat Timmy. She adds, "I don't know if everyone is on the same page." Cut to Kendal, sitting on Mike's lap. Good Lord! That anvil almost flattened you! Veronica finished at 13:07.