Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno, Episode 17 – Blaze of Glory

Looking back on this season, I should feel lucky. Lucky that I'm not covering the train wreck of a season that is Real World: San Diego. Lucky that I didn't have to burn precious brain cells on Survivor: All-Stars, which had been the worst season ever prior to the finale. And I'm grateful for being out of the Bachelor and American Idol loops entirely. Anyway, I guess after seven months of recapping the tribulations of tools, I need a break. Well, no rest for the wicked, and the good don't need any. Let's wrap this season up.

Rather than recap last week's episode, Voiceover Lady takes us directly to the start of the final mission. Dave tells the players about Seven Deadly Sins, and goes into more detail than we got last week:

Lust: The teams are handcuffed together as they run through a tire course, straddle poles, and go under a limbo bar. What limbo and tires has to do with lust is anybody's guess.

Wrath: The players bust open fifty piñatas. Once all the piñatas are shattered, players look for the key to unlock the handcuffs.

Gluttony: Each teammate must eat ten taquitos. That's it.

Envy: The teams come across two platforms with oversized bricks. Each team takes the other team's bricks (hence the "envy," I guess) and carries them over several narrow bridges.

Greed: The players climb over cargo nets four feet above the ground, crossing one at a time. Also, there are seven bags connected to the net. Five contain cash and prizes, while two hold a "penalty card," which knocks their time back by one minute.

Pride: The infamous final mission puzzle. This one is of the crossword variety. Teams must solve the puzzle using clues and letter tiles provided. Dave: "The answers can be proper names, places or events." Cut to Coral looking on. This will be important later.

Sloth: Pick up a teammate and run to the finish line. First team across wins the Challenge and $150,000 to add to the bank account.

Kendal interviews that the beginning of the course will be more difficult for RR, since they have eight players. The RR players try to figure out how to run while handcuffed. Kendal continues: "I just really hope that we just try to stick together, and try to think like one person, instead of eight different people." Timmy adds that RR is uneasy, but not as much as RW.

On the other side, CT tries to limbo, as Coral tells him that she'll fall if he does. Syrus thinks he'll have problems. "Syrus makes me nervous when it comes to missions," CT interviews. "He's worried about his knee popping out because he's over 30 now. He feels like his body's going to fall apart for some reason." Are we back on that now? Coral holds her arm out, and Syrus tries to go under. CT: "He's all nervous about the limbo. I'm like, 'C'mon, man, it’s limbo.'"

Both teams get handcuffed. Dave counts down from three, then we cut to credits. Goodbye, Jeremy and Shane! I certainly didn't miss either of you after you got eliminated. Goodbye, David and Trishelle! David, I'm sorry about the Sox, but at least you got the Pats. Trishelle... screw it. Anybody who fools with Adam is not somebody I want to chat with. Goodbye, Coral and Mike! Honestly, both of you should've stopped with The Gauntlet. Goodbye, CT and Leah! Maybe you can go five minutes without driving each other mad, but I doubt it. Goodbye, Abram and Veronica! You both suck, you know that? Goodbye, Syrus and Julie! Syrus, as long as you don't bring the drama, I'll always like you. Julie, Katie, for God's sake. Goodbye, Ace and Mallory! I honestly don't care for either of you, which is better than earning my hatred. Goodbye, Katie, Holly and Christena! Katie, if you ever finally snap and beat up the other two, call me first. I want to witness that first-hand. Goodbye, Timmy! Please stick to Discovery Channel from now on. Goodbye, Darrell and Kendal! Darrell, I hope you get those diction lessons with your money. Goodbye, Dave Mirra! You actually made me miss Jonny Moseley.

Back to the action: Dave blows his air horn to kick things off. Both teams run, as RR gingerly goes through the tires. Mike points out that RW is going faster with fewer people. We know, Mike. Both teams straddle the poles. Mike limbos first, helping Syrus under the bar. RW completes Lust first, with RR trailing.

Both teams arrive at Wrath. Darrell interviews that RW took off, since they had fewer people. Everybody grabs a stick. Darrell: "But we get to the piñatas, boy, and I like to break [bleep]. I'm gonna tear a piñata up." Sure enough, both teams pound on the piñatas. CT actually grabs one and stomps on it. Suddenly, Syrus and Coral start yelling. Turns out that the handcuffs came off. A graphic tells us that the key must be found anyway. As RW stumbles around, RR continues to bash away. Abram finds the key, and his teammates take care of the rest of the piñatas. Syrus interviews that "things just went to hell." As RR unlocks their cuffs, RW roots around the debris. RR takes off for Gluttony. Christena: "I feel very confident right now. We might win this."

RR arrives at Gluttony and starts downing the taquitos. Holly reminds us that they have to eat ten taquitos as quickly as possible. A graphic informs us that ten taquitos times eight people equals 80 taquitos. Thanks for the unnecessary math lesson. Wouldn't it be more intriguing if both teams had an equal amount of taquitos, and RW had to chow down more per person? Katie interviews that she's a vegetarian. "Eating meat is not my idea of a good time," she adds. "They're cold, and I see flies landing on them." Katie belches, looking close to throwing up. Don't walk away from the table! Spew on somebody! Abram and Christena puke, while Timmy coughs.

Back at Wrath, RW is still searching for the key. A spot-shadow reveals a red salt shaker, where the key is contained. Syrus interviews that it's hard to find with all the red stuff from the pinatas. Coral points out the irony that they're not cuffed.

Over at Gluttony, Darrell spits up and pukes. Katie pukes. "I don't like throwing up," Darrell interviews, "because it hurts my nuts." Timmy: "Ironically, the taquitos taste better on the way back up." Back at Wrath, Syrus finally finds the key, and the team takes off their cuffs.

RW chows down. CT spit-pukes. He interviews that the team has to step up and make something happen. Christena and Veronica puke, while Syrus spits up. RR completes Gluttony and starts running to Envy. Timmy reminds everybody to grab RW's bricks. He expositions that the team has decided to station themselves on the bridges and pass the bricks around. RW is still eating. RR passes the bricks. Coral stuffs down the taquitos, then pukes up. RR passes bricks. Syrus blows chunks, as Mike yells "Let 'er rip, baby!" Yeah, that will motivate a guy. "There's money on the line," Syrus interviews, "and you want to get the loot. So it's just time to suck it up and deal with it."