For Love or Money 3, Episode 1: Sing A Song o’ Sixpence

Hello, sports fans! It’s time for the next edition of your favorite game show, For Love Money 3! Can true love win out over a fat check? Well, last year, you may recall the saga of Rob Campos and Erin Brody. Rob did the choosing and chose badly. Then Erin did the choosing, and didn’t choose Rob – she chose Chad, and reportedly they are still together. With their millions!

It was all so dramatic!

This year, the rules have changed ever so slightly. There is a eligible man (note refusal to say “bachelor”), and 16 lovely ladies… and 16 checks. Here’s the twist. The ladies, come decision time, can choose the eligible man or the check. But, they don’t know how much the check is for this time! It could anywhere from $1 million or it could be one single, paltry buck. American.

On come the ladies, huddled up in jeeps or something. Let’s meet them!

Amy - says this will be a new experience, she’s never had to compete with a girl for a man (what, the other girls head for the hills when you come around?).

Lauren - went to Harvard and says people immediately assume she’s stuck up.

Leslie - is adventurous. That’s nice.

Monica - is very mature for her age (21), she experienced “as much as 30-year-olds in my speculation.” Nice vocabulary, oh sage one.

Rachel - says any guy that gets her has gotten a prize, “I’m fun, funny, good in bed…” Ooh, classy too.

Meredith - she’s the fun girl. Hopefully not in a Rachel sort of way.

Rebekah - doesn’t give up on what she wants easily.

Melayne - the token virgin. She thinks it may be an issue. It always is, Melayne!

Beth - says she has always been “the other girl.” Now, she wants the be “The Girl.” Apparently she hasn’t been around Amy or she would have headed for hills at the sight of her…

Tenisha - she is The Total Package.

Heather - warns that people shouldn’t cross her. She’s not the one to mess with. Translation: I have no self-esteem and will fly off the handle as soon as I think I’ve been wronged, no matter how irrational the evidence.

Andrea - (giggle) she’s gonna get what she wants (giggle).

Johanna - says she’s not a competitive person. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Melody - says she tells people what she thinks they should hear vs. what they want to hear. That’s a great way to ensure you’ll die alone and lonely.

Ali - her experiences involving other women when it comes to men is never good. Finally, a glimmer of wisdom!

PJ - lives her life “in full-out fever.” I’m annoyed already.

As we are being introduced, the jeeps pull up to a massive mansion on a hill. The ladies appropriately ooh and ahh. As they step out the jeep and stand in full hot girl formation, out to the top of the stairs strolls the vituperrious (look it up) Jordan Murphy, who still has that creepy leer. The ladies gasp, but not because of the leer, I’m sure (too far away), but I think the collective light bulbs clicked on in their heads. They know what show they are on now (and I’d bet money they didn‘t know before)…

He, in something like Mr. Roarke fashion, welcomes them to For Love Or Money! (music swell!)

PJ says that when hearing she was on For Love Or Money, “there was a million things going off in my head!” Heh-heh, I bet there was! Jordan sends them off to choose a bedroom.

Andrea breaks into a sprinter’s gait and slides into a bedroom with four beds. She quickly assesses which bed is biggest and swan dives onto it, landing can over tea kettle. Rachel rolls her eyes a nanosecond before I do, “I’ll be rooming with Andrea… (disgusted chuckle) I can already see she’s going to be an issue.” Yeah, I’d have to agree.

Rooms decided, the girls gather in the living room to get to know each other - slash - size each other up. Andrea is asked if she likes a guy with money, “I’m not going to answer that question for you! (giggle).” The other women look at each other in response to this as if they are looking to see who’ll volunteer to slap her first.

Ali says she thinks the true colors will be showing soon. I think it’s already started, Ali.

The ladies are seated for dinner and Johanna (I think) proposes a toast to new friends and friendly competition. The ladies laugh. Enter old dead-stare Jordan again. He says, cryptically, that some of them think they know why they are there, and some questions will be answered later. Then, turns on heels and leaves them puzzled.