Next Action Star, Episode 3: Help! My Spouse is Dying

As we all know, Hollywood is all glitz and glamour, right? After all, if it weren't, half the people at E! wouldn't have a job, right? (I'm kidding, by the way. I love E!) So what better way to start the episode than to have host Tina Malave introduce the finalists (and us viewers) to Emmy-award winning stylist and costume designer Brenda Cooper from E!'s Fashion Emergency who takes our finalists on a day trip to the beauty salon. Yes, it's a full-day trip, beginning at 7 a.m. and ending at 11 p.m. Hey, making over 20 people takes time!

We're less than five minutes into the episode and Resident Drama Queen Viviana is already hogging the spotlight. She complains that she showed up today with brown eyes and she doesn't feel she's herself without the blue eyes with which she originally auditioned. She claims she has them upstairs and wants to go get them. At the same time, she has this obsession with touching her breasts. Brenda tries to get her to stop but is unsuccessful, much to the delight of thousands of male viewers around the country. Mark, the Chicago club DJ, hits the nail on the head when he says that Viviana is going to be the next Anna Nicole and have her own "Viviana Show" one day. Brenda tells Viviana that "you have to be the best you can be with what you were given."

With the Viviana Show over (for now...), casting director Victoria comes in and announces this week's scene partners. They are: Sean & Linda, John & Corinne, Jared & Mélisande, Mark & Jeanne, Harold (aka "House") & Viviana, Greg & Michele, Todd & Laura, Santino & Mae, Young & Krista and Matt M. & Somere.

The 20 semi-finalists arrive at Privé Ona Salon in (where else?) Beverly Hills and Extreme Makeover: N.A.S. Edition begins. Frenchman Laurent, the owner of the salon, decides that Italian wardrobe stylist Linda needs to go blonde. Mamma Mia! Not to worry, it turns out Linda looks bellisima as a platinum blonde. Mae mentions she is reluctant to get a short haircut because she's had four short haircuts and hated them all. This look, however, is different and she loves it and says she "can't even remember what I look like with long hair."

Meanwhile, Viviana makes Brenda promise never to give up on her until she thinks the look is right. Brenda promises. Aaah, isn't that sweet? Of course, it turns out later that Viviana is not happy with her new makeover, which in her esteemed opinion took her from "exotic bird" to "lookalike, wannabe Salma Hayek" (keep dreaming, babe). Harold is reluctant to get his eyebrows plucked because he's too much of a man, much to the amusement of his beautician, a young Asian guy. When Harold eventually lets the beautician pluck an eyebrow hair, he goes into serious Wimp Mode complaining about how much it hurts. Todd goes from having brown hair to having a military-type short sandy blonde hairstyle, which doesn't suit him at all. Since all the semi-finalists are being photographed with their new looks, the photographer comments that Todd has a kind of "sexy London punk rock" look. I've seen London punks and believe me that's not a compliment. Of course, the punks I saw had green mohawks and nose rings, so maybe it is intended as a compliment.

While some are wining and dining at the Hollywood Canteen (I didn't know there were any restaurants in Los Angeles, aside from Denny's and the occasional Subway, that were open at 11 p.m., much less served dinner then), other semifinalists are practicing for their scene the next day, notably Harold and Viviana, who are camped out in a trailer. The scene they need to rehearse is very dramatic (more on that a little later), and Harold is just totally having way too much fun with it and messing around too much for Viviana's liking. She tells Harold, "You have to respect me. If you don't respect me, I'll become your worst nightmare." (Cue the high-pitched horror movie music.)

Bright and early the next morning, with a call time of 6 a.m. (hey, at least they got to sleep an hour later than last time), host Tina Malave tells the 20 semi-finalists who have shown up at the Howard Fine Acting Studio that they will be getting a coaching session with one of the top acting coaches in the country, Mr. Howard Fine himself. (Is there anyone on this show who is not one of the top experts in their field?) Howard has just made his first point when who should be the first to raise her hand but Viviana, thereby ushering in part two of tonight's Viviana Show.

Viviana, being the expert in acting theory that she is, proceeds to tell this acting coach, who has worked with everyone from Brad Pitt to Oscar-winning Jennifer Connelly, that she's always had a problem with the way the methods of the two "gods" of acting instruction, Stanislavski and Lee Strasberg have been interpreted and that she has a different interpretation. To put this in context, that's like saying that you have a problem believing the Earth is round and really think it's flat. Meanwhile, her fellow semi-finalists are either shaking their heads or covering their mouths to keep from laughing. Howard has to literally prevent her from speaking. He tells her she's not listening, and that "it just may be that I know some things that can help you," which is a polite way of saying, "shut up and maybe you'll learn something."

With Viviana firmly put in her place, Howard has the finalists do an "intimacy exercise." Is that what they're calling it these days? Funny, when I was growing up, they called it "making out." Basically, the exercise involves intimate touching, as in stroking the other person's hands and face. Linda describes the experience as being "emotionally naked." Jared, who has been paired with Mélisande, struggles to find a polite way of saying that his partner is "really hot" and eventually just comes right out and says it. He also promises Mélisande that "by the time this audition is over you'll be in love with me." Uh, don't make promises you can't keep, Jared.

After a few minutes of touching, groping, and other "serious actor stuff" as Jared puts it, it's time for this week's screen test. The scene this week is more dramatic than action-oriented, because, according to Victoria, "Sometimes actors are in scenes where there are no explosions, no special effects, and it's just one-on-one talking. And that really shows us a lot."