Road Rules X-treme, Episode 4: Moooore Brains, Please

Last week, on Road Rules: Jodi's whole team rocks! And the fact that she says so isn't ironic foreshadowing in the least.

This episode begins with the Roadies huddled together, happy and smiling, as they read their next clue. It suggests that they get a "moooove on," and Kina gets way too excited thinking that it has to do with cows. See, when she's not prancing around like J-Lo, she's just a little country girl into all things prairie.

Quick cut to Derrick and Kina walking together in the darkness, Derrick's arm slung around Kina, in loooove. Derrick thinks that Kina has all of the qualities to make a great girlfriend. First and foremost, she's good-looking. Without that, she'd be pretty much dead to Derrick, let's face it. She's also funny. And...? Apparently that's enough, because as we know, funny, good-looking women can never be manipulative, controlling, or dishonest.

Kina confesses her feelings to Ibis - at least I think it's Ibis, though that blond-streaked head could just as easily be Jodi's. Whoever it is surmises that Kina is afraid to get intimate, but Kina quickly ewws that notion into submission.

The Roadies then head out to their fourth mission, where they meet outside of a restaurant. Danny tells us in confessional that he is confident he can complete any mission with ease. I love Bunim-Murray's subtle placement of hints, so we're completely surprised by the outcome.

Quick cut to all of the cow delicacies they will need to consume in the restaurant - brain, tongue, glands, heart, spleen, liver, kidneys, intestines, rectum, and testicles. All pinkish-grey and oozing on silver platters. My stomach turns just looking at them... but still, if it were between this and bungee-jumping over a volcano - "More spleen, please!"

The Roadies are icked out, and Kina is "pissed!" about what her beloved cows have been reduced to. Didn't the restaurant clue her in that she might not meet her bovine friends in one piece? Danny explains that the delicacies will be divided into equal portions, and the Roadies will once again be paired up. Each partner must feed the other, and no one can feed him or herself. They get one glass of water apiece, and one Roadie must be the designated "leftover eater": Whatever is not completely swallowed is collected on the "leftover" plate for the eater to finish off. Patrick volunteers to make the sacrifice, and is told he will have just five minutes to eat everything.

Derrick, of course, is paired with Kina. Now he'll be able to focus less on the food and more on the pleasure sensations caused by her fingers in his mouth. Danny, on the other hand, is ready to vomit even before he's ingested anything. Come on, Danny, just pretend it's a margarita. You'll do fine. Danny heads into the bathroom.

Back from commercials, the Roadies are easing down at the tables, Danny paired with Jodi, and Patrick with Ibis. Patrick tries to pump everyone up by telling them the food is sanitized and all they have to conquer is the taste - they've all eaten nasty things before, haven't they? Danny looks like he wishes he had a box he could crawl into. The Roadies tell him to close his eyes and hold his nose. Danny mentions that everyone is bound by the five-minute rule, not just the leftover eater.

Plate Number One is eyeballs. With the lashes still on them. Kind of crusted over, so they look like dead fish left out in the sun a couple of days. Danny turns bright red as he tries not to hurl. He doesn't succeed, and quickly dry heaves into a nearby bucket. The Roadies start feeding each other the eyeballs, and Jodi looks absolutely repulsed as Danny feeds her; no doubt Danny's heaving didn't do much for her system. Kina practically refuses to eat hers, but finally gets it rammed in. The Roadies' eyes water as they try to chew it down before the five-minute mark. Kina explains that their mouths will get inspected after each round to make sure the food has gone down, and if they throw up, it has to be from the stomach - they can't just spit it out. But never fear, because after the mission, they'll get a visit from their loved ones and be whisked away in a helicopter to a private island for their very own champagne dinner. Wait - that's Survivor. This challenge is so like the "gross food" challenge, I got confused.

Two and a half eyeballs are dumped onto the leftover plate. Danny feels bad for having only eaten the lining of the eyeball. Next up is the brain, and we are treated to more scenes of red-faced, repulsed Roadies eating. Danny holds a napkin to his mouth as the last seconds tick down, breathing heavily and very red. When the time has lapsed, he slams down the napkin and storms away from the table. "I hate this stupid f---ing mission!" Jodi laments that he is not taking the mission "like a man" or trying as hard as he could be.