Next Action Star, Episode 6: Vanity, Thy Name is Jared

This week's screen test is called "The Captives." Last week, host Tina Malave promised an "intensely dramatic scene." Tonight, we find out this means no special effects — just acting in its purest form.

Our magical guide, the white screenplay text, tells us they're we're in a living room during the day where "A BEATEN MAN is tied the couch with his EX-WIFE who betrayed him..." They're prisoners in the man's home and have conveniently been left alone by their captors to sort through their demons.

The contestants are busying themselves around the house by working out, swimming, resting, and making coffee in the microwave (I find it hard to believe that such a swanky mansion doesn't have a kettle) when the doorbell rings and finalists get a surprise visit from former Bond Babe Denise Richards. (She played Christmas Jones in The World Is Not Enough, so I guess you could say we had Christmas in July!)

Harold decides to change into his "good pants" because "she might want a date and I might need this" (ummm, Harold, I think her husband, Charlie Sheen, might take issue with that). Meanwhile, introductions are made all round and when Harold rejoins the finalists — and sits next to Denise no less — he forgets to introduce himself and has to have Mélisande make the introductions.

Mae claims that Denise was open to questions about being an action star as well as being a young actress in Hollywood. We'll have to take her word for it because the only pearl of wisdom the audience gets to hear is, "One thing about your screen tests: Try and get it in your contract that it doesn't end up on the DVD if you get the part." (She's kidding... we hope.)

This week's time trial challenge takes the finalists to Irwindale Speedway (a race track in the Greater Los Angeles area). As the finalists enter the Speedway, they see two race cars speeding towards them head on! Jeanne gets a little concerned, but then the cars split up and flank the finalists' bus, much to the contestants' relief. Linda describes the sound of cars racing as "orgasmic." (Hmmm, maybe someone's watched one too many hair commercials...)

The finalists have to race around the track and return to the "pit box" (a designated parking spot) in as short a time as possible while driving a stick-shift Pontiac racecar driven by NASCAR's Jack Sprague. The stick-shift aspect worries Mark, since he has never driven stick-shift before.

The finalist with the fastest time wins a Retake Card. This is a new concept in the show (although if you've been reading the fine print at the end of each episode, you've known for a while that something like this exists). A Retake Card allows a finalist to redo a scene if he or she is not happy with the way the screen test went. (This could have come in handy last week when Jeanne made Mark drop the prop lighter he was holding.) However, there is a catch: once the Retake Card has been presented, that new scene has to be used. So if the finalist does a retake and messes up even worse than he or she did on the first take – tough luck.

Jared is up first and races around the track like Dale Earnhardt Jr., even parking within the pitbox, unlike some people. Jared finishes the course in 24.81 seconds. As Mélisande says with an air of disdain, "He's a pro." However this "pro" is apparently not content with setting the bar impossibly high, he's upset that he parked five feet short of the front of the pit box mark.

Mélisande is up next and admits that she "doesn't like speed," so she's nervous. She completes the course in 30.20 seconds, coming in dead last. Corinne finishes in 25.10 seconds, and parks even shorter of the mark than Jared did. Sean has the third fastest time, coming in at 25.84 seconds, while Jeanne manages to just edge him out for second place at 25.01 seconds, and does a good job parking too. Very pleased with herself, she gives the other finalists two thumbs up. (Careful Jeanne, Roger Ebert might consider that trademark infringement.) John is in the driver's seat next and finishes in 26.53 seconds. Perhaps if he didn't park so far over the mark, he could have finished quicker. Mae finishes in 28.21 seconds and also overshoots the parking mark a little, after which Linda finishes in 27.06 seconds, and parks short of the mark. Harold finishes in 26.35 seconds and parks way short of the mark.

Many of those who have already gone advise Mark on how to drive with a stick-shift. He does OK for his first time, finishing in 27.30 seconds, but misses the pit box almost entirely. He laughs it off by showing off his comedic side, much to Corinne's surprise.

Since nobody managed to beat Jared, he wins the Retake Card. In an interview, Linda compliments Jared, saying he is a good actor and as such probably didn't need the Retake Card.

Back at the house, Harold is talking to Corinne about the romantic scene they did together last week. Despite Corinne's denials, Harold insists that Corinne is attracted to him and peppers his dialogue with jewels like, "You should have seen how much you wanted me," and, "I'm just trying to help you deal with your inner inhibitions towards me." This just in, Harold: there's a difference between playing a part and real life.