Kevin and Drew Unleased, Episode 2: Mud and Suds

Intro. Native New Yorkers, small-town America, yadda yadda yadda. This week, the boys go to a spa and a brewery. Not at the same time, though that would probably be a weird place to visit. "They're big. They're bad. They're bald." They forgot to mention beautiful, but I guess that's implied.

Night. A map shows the RV moving from Lakeville, home of Ocean Spray and last week's cranberry adventures. Drew explains that they're heading to upstate New York to work at the New Age Health Spa. Immediately, he starts trash-talking Kevin about the next competition.

The boys arrive at the spa, located in Neversink, NY. They meet Stephanie Paradise, the owner, and instructor Dan Vorisek. Stephanie wastes no time in handing out trainee nametags. Soon, the Frats accompany Dan to the alpine tower. The tower is a large wooden structure with assorted beams sticking out. Dan explains that it's used to develop teamwork and trust. Drew claims he doesn't trust Kevin "worth a darn." Dan says that the bolts have to be tightened – which means climbing up to do so.

The guys suit up in harnesses, which Drew have problems with due to space issues. Y'know... down there. He then rags on Kevin and his helmet – more specifically that he put his helmet on over his stocking cap, which is not exactly going to be the newest fashion statement. Dan says that he'll climb with Drew, and Kevin will hold the rope. A cord will be attached to the boys, and Kevin will act as Drew's anchor. Drew: "You slip up once, you're out. There is no more circle of trust." Kevin: "The way I see it, it becomes a one-man show if you fall." Drew threatens to nail Kevin with a wrench. They argue some more. Must be a day that ends in "y."

Drew climbs the tower, finding a loose bolt right away. He tells Kevin that he wants the rope tight, "’til it cuts my circulatory off around my nuts." More bickering. Kevin spots a footrest for Drew to use. Drew mutters, "Oh, geez," several times as he hugs the tower for dear life. Soon, he rests on a log, freaking out as he feels it move. Dan tells him there's nothing left to do but get lowered down. The boys go back and forth on this. Drew tells Kevin that he's an organ donor, and that Kevin is his witness. He finally drops off, grabbing onto the rope. Kevin power-trips a little, asking Drew who his buddy is. Oh, Kevin. If you only knew where the rest of this hour will take you. Drew doesn't snipe at Kevin, clearly upset, as he laughs. Drew is eventually lowered to the ground, but not before Kevin contemplates dragging him back up.

Now the boys arrive at a pool, where they meet fitness instructor Arlene Rowen. She tells them that they're going to learn how to teach water aerobics. They get in the pool in just their swim trunks as Drew takes a swipe at Kevin’s hairy upper torso and tells him to take his sweater off. Arlene makes them jog forwards and backwards, going through various moves. Soon, a few dozen women arrive for their lesson. Kevin turns his head to the camera, already looking apprehensive. But the guys manage to teach the class, much to their students' delight.

Now the boys meet Heidi Helms, cosmetologist. Here, Kevin will help Heidi perform a mud wrap on Drew. As he lies down, Drew asks Heidi if it's an arousing experience. "If anything is aroused," Kevin answers, "I'm running out of this room, and that's it." Drew adjusts his towel, while Kevin tries not to see any of Drew's flesh. Kevin and Heidi proceed to exfoliate Drew's skin. Kevin has to put on gloves, leading to the usual male jokes.

Drew gets his back mudded up, as Kevin compares him to an oil-soaked seal. Kevin decides to paint a smiley face on Drew's head. Drew flips over, and Kevin dodges once again. Drew laughs, feeling humiliated. Kevin says, "The good news is, everything down there is all right." The guys yuk it up, and Heidi's smiling as well. Drew's legs, hands and stomach get the mud, followed by a foil wrap Kevin says is "like a chalupa." They remove the foil and shower the mud off Drew.

Drew explains that he and Kevin are getting rewarded for their hard work with a yoga lesson. Kevin asks, "What work? You just spent an hour laying on your fat ass while I rubbed mud all over you."

They meet their instructor, Anna Walsemann. The boys stretch and flex. Suddenly, a gaseous noise erupts. Drew claims it was his knee. More stretching. Lying down. The guys look relaxed. Kevin swings Drew's legs around. More flexing, with some sighing and groaning thrown in. The boys end up on the floor, totally wiped out. I feel wiped out, and I didn't stretch once.

Meal time. The Frats sit down for their healthy meal, and they start jawing about who can eat it faster. They decide to make this their challenge: winner gets a massage, loser gets a crappy job. After a few minutes, Drew emerges as the winner, asking Kevin if he should lick the plate, and then goes for another helping.

Night. The guys head for their complimentary cabin. Drew feels the need to remind Kevin of the bad job to come. Kevin feels like he got scammed, then wonders how bad it can be.