The Assistant, Episode 2: Thieves, A “Little Person” and Dr. Chocolate?

Previously on The Assistant, six guys and six girls arrived at a mansion owned by Andy Dick, and find out that they are all vying to become his assistant. Andy showed that he meant business and eliminated Andrew right off the bat because he gave him a bad impression. After giving the kids a book to read on his life, he then eliminated Nikeda because she got the most number of incorrect answers. Tanika managed to suck up, while Anna cried even though she wasn’t eliminated. Laughter ensued in what is quickly becoming one of my favorite reality shows.

It’s 6:30 a.m. Andy is waking up in his big bed, while the kids are asleep in the garage on their cots. Andy picks up what looks like a remote control and pushes a button on it. Instantly, a siren goes off in the garage, waking the kids up while Andy speaks to them via megaphone saying that they better be up in his room in 30 seconds, or they will pay. When they reach his room, he tells them all he wants coffee, immediately. The group runs to the kitchen to make Andy breakfast in bed. Once he has his breakfast, Andy tells them that today they will each be given assignments, and that some will be working in groups. He makes it clear that these things are assignments – not chores, and if they aren’t done well, they’ll be CUT (complete with the scissor motion).

Everything today will be judged by Andy and a friend. Mykell is confused, and once again thinks the friend could be Beyonce. He is obviously obsessed with Beyonce. Melissa also wonders who the guest judge could be, and that’s when John, a “little person,” comes walking in the room. Mykell notes that John is as tall as his kneecap. John sits on the bed while Andy explains that John is getting married, which makes him the littlest groom. Wasn’t that a reality show? John tells Andy that he has been lenient on the group, and he is going to make sure that they complete the assignment they are given, or they will simply have to do it again. Sarah says that John has this pent-up anger and wants to let loose on them for some reason. This comment is justified when we see John screaming at the group for no good reason. Stefani and Colin both note that they are scared, while Tanika says she is ready to show Andy that she is willing to do whatever it takes.

Time to assign some chores! Anna has to detail Andy’s Hummer. That should be fun. Ebony and Melissa have to read some scripts for Andy, then act them out for him so he can decide if he should take them or not. Stefani has to tend to Andy’s cat, Dr. Chocolate, and teach him how to sit on Andy’s shoulder since they are going to appear on the cover of Cat Galaxy magazine. I think he made that up. It’s Andy though, so I wouldn’t be sure if he really WAS going to be on the cover of Cat Galaxy. Also, she is told that Mr. Chocolate needs to take a pill in an hour and a half – rectally. I can’t stop laughing once I see the look on Stefani’s face. Sarah and Jeff must plan and cook a meal for dinner that will serve Andy and the rest of the people in the house. Mark has to win a marathon race in Andy’s place because he doesn’t feel like doing it himself, while Mykell and Tanika are told the must build a play house for his nephews who will be coming over. Lastly, Colin must find a lens to Andy’s glasses that he dropped in the pool last week. These “assignments” have me cracking up – especially since Andy can say everything with such a straight face that you have to take him seriously!

John is yelling at everyone as they do their chores. Andy says this gives him a chance to sit back and relax since John is such a bulldog. Mykell isn’t used to using tools and has no idea how to build the playhouse. Colin puts on scuba gear to find the lens, while Andy tells the camera there is room in the house for only one a**hole, and that’s him. He yells at Sarah and Jeff because they have nothing made yet, and he’s hungry. He notes that some people in the group need an attitude adjustment, and he gives them by cutting people. He checks on Anna and the Hummer, then moves it all of two feet, saying that Anna got water in the brakes. Anna looks confused. He then takes it on the road, and travels with John to checks up on Mark. There are six people ahead of him in the race, and he yells at Mark to do better, then tries to slow down the other racers! He returns to the house with the Hummer even filthier than it was before – it’s covered in mud. Anna has to clean it all over again, but she tells the camera that she would do it 10 times more if Andy asked. That’s the spirit! Anna is easily my favorite of the group.

John and Andy check up on the playhouse builders and don’t like what they have done so far. John goes as far as trying to knock it down! Tanika is depressed because she is really trying her hardest. Dinner is coming along, but Andy says they tried to feed him a rotten tomato. Jeff is confused as Andy begins to throw things around again since none of the food is cooked. He says he went a year eating just raw food and then stopped – because he was hungry. After he leaves, Sarah isn’t sure if she should cry or be optimistic because there is nothing else she can do. Jeff just says Andy can go f*$k himself. Wow, look at Jeff growing some balls!