Next Action Star, Episode 9 (the Unaired Episode): Road Kill, Hollywood Style

As I discussed in my article yesterday, NBC will not be airing Episode 9 – instead jumping directly to the finale this week. However, that doesn’t mean you, the reader, should suffer. You won’t see it on TV, but you can read all about it here on RealityNewsOnline. Here is the Episode 9 recap:

Corinne, Sean, Jared, and Mélisande waste no time after last week’s eliminations getting ready for their next screen test, ominously titled “Road Kill or Be Killed.” The scene calls for three thieves to celebrate a successful weapons heist with the other three finalists in hot pursuit. A source close to the show told me that this scene is supposed to contain humor as well as action (unlike the other screen tests we’ve seen so far), but I guess we’ll never know. Gee, thanks NBC. Way to award those loyal viewers who have actually been watching the show. You know, those loyal viewers without whom you wouldn’t even have the small audience you do have for your advertisers? Yeah, those. OK, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, let’s continue with the recap.

Putting a new twist on the show’s Mélisande-Jared-Jared’s girlfriend love triangle, Jared receives a “goodie box” from Christina, his girlfriend back home. Cue the big reveal music. I’d bet money that NBC or one of the show’s producers contacted Christina and asked her to send Jared that goodie box, just to ratchet up the tension a little more. Then again, maybe I’m just a jaded cynic…

Suddenly, Jared has some real soul-searching to do, and not the “is this relationship going anywhere?” kind of soul searching that he did with Mélisande in his trailer last week. Jared takes into account his feelings for Mélisande and his experiences filming Next Action Star and realizes that maybe Christina isn’t the one for him after all, since he’s not happy in that relationship.

Gee, ya think? Can you say, “Actions speak louder than words?” This has been as obvious as a pink elephant for many weeks now, ever since Jared first had trouble verbalizing how hot his then-scene partner Mélisande was, and admitted that he shouldn’t be feeling this way because he has a girlfriend back home.

He said last week that being 24 doesn’t give him the right to do stupid things like cheat on his girlfriend on national television, but isn’t that exactly what he’s been doing? I know we viewers aren’t getting the full picture, but from what we’ve seen, it’s pretty obvious that Jared is over his girlfriend. He may still care for her deeply, but if he loves her as much as he claims, why is he cheating on her with Mélisande?

The next day, the teams arrive on location to practice for their high-speed chase by getting some off-road vehicle training. I’m not sure who handled this, but if I had to guess, I’d say Kurt Bryant, the stunt coordinator.

For this week’s time trial challenge, the Skillful Six (which sounds more complimentary than Super Six) have to complete a high-speed off-road course in a truck. The team with the quickest cumulative time wins the coveted Retake Card. Team One consists of John, Jeanne, and Corinne while Team Two is comprised of Sean, Mélisande, and Jared. I really wish I could’ve seen if there was any rivalry between Jeanne and Jared after Jared narrowly defeated Jeanne to win a night on the town in last week’s challenge. Alas, we may never know.

All we know is that Team One finishes with a total time of 11:37.42, while Team Two finishes half a minute quicker at 11:02, thanks in part to Sean being quick off the mark. Unfortunately, for Team Two, Jared has trouble hooking in his safety belt while doing the course. As such, he disqualifies both himself and his team (safety first, don’t you know?), giving Team One the Retake Card by default.

Those of you watching Big Brother 5 may liken this to Will hitting the bad egg in one of the food competitions, thereby losing his housemates all the food they had gained up to that point, and you’d be right. However, Will reacted maturely with an “Oh well, what can you do?” attitude, while Jared – being Jared – doesn’t react as gracefully. Apparently, he decides to throw “a huge hissy fit” (my source’s words, not mine). Corinne and John (in what I can only assume was an interview) say they think Jared overreacted. (I know, what else is new, right?)

Back in the mansion, Jeanne asks what the finalists expected out of the Next Action Star competition. Stating the obvious because, well, someone has to, Mélisande says that everyone left wants not only to win, but also to do this for a living, otherwise they wouldn’t all be there. Jeanne says now is the time to figure out if you really want it. Ummm, don’t you think that ship sailed long ago?

I understand that you’ve come this far, and that if you continue and win, you realize that there’s still a long road ahead of you that you may not want to travel if you’ve had a sudden change of mind, but seriously: Are you really going to make it this far and quit a week before the grand finale because you’ve suddenly changed your mind? I highly doubt that. I think the time to decide if you “really want this” would have been way back when the finalists were first moving into the mansion, but as my favorite comedian Dennis Miller used to say, “That’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.”