For Love or Money 4, Episode 5: Can’t Buy Me Love?

Welcome to the final episode of For Love or Money 4. I’m filling in for your faithful recapper Sting7, but I promise you’re in good hands, as I wrote about For Love or Money seasons 1 and 2. I know all about Creepy Jordan, alone time, eliminations, and check burning. I also know that even though this final episode is two hours long, a lot of that time is going to be eaten up by recaps, long pauses, and hand wringing agony from the final contestants. So, let’s get right to it, shall we?

The final three men eat cereal while tense music plays. It was, apparently, a tough decision to have Cheerios instead of Corn Flakes this morning. Caleb, whose check is worth a dollar, says he’s nervous. Mike, with $250,000 riding on this, simply says, “Here we go again.” And David, whose check is worth four shiny quarters, says that with only three guys in the house, things are quiet, but the game is on.

Creepy Jordan arrives and tells the guys to meet him in the vault room. Why can’t they just meet there? Well, in the vault room, Jordan can ratchet up the money tension. The guys figure that whatever Jordan has to tell them must have to do with their checks. Caleb grins and says, “Me and my dollar are not very nervous about the vault.” He figures any twist can only benefit him financially.

In the vault room, Jordan reminds anyone who’s been asleep for the past few minutes that these men are the final three and will soon have to choose between love and money. Oh, right – that’s what this show is about! They should really incorporate that into the title so that we’ll remember it. The men know the values of their checks now, but Jordan has a new offer. They can either keep their checks, or they can choose from one of four mystery checks. Two of the checks are worth a million dollars, and the other two are worth a dollar. No one will know how much the checks are worth. Jordan says that if you’re playing for money, the odds of increasing your worth are good. On the other hand, if you’re playing for love and you don’t know the value of your check, then you can put that money out of your mind.

Mike is up first. He ponders his decision for a moment, then decides to go for it. Caleb is surprised – Mike had a big check, so what if he drew only a dollar? Mike explains in an interview that on every date with Rachel, he’s had to put that $250,000 out of his mind, so now he won’t have to think about it at all. Caleb swaps his check without hesitation. Since he only had a dollar, he has nothing to lose. David goes last. Mike guesses his check is worth either $250,000 or $500,000, and Caleb also believes David’s check is high. David suckered them, didn’t he? David swaps his check, saying that he hopes it’s a million dollars, but that the money is really just a backup plan for him. It’s all about Rachel.

Jordan says that now that there are only three men left, it’s time to “overwhelm her with romance.” To that end, they’ll each have an overnight fantasy date alone with Rachel. As Nicole Richie would say, “That’s hot.” David will have the first date.

Before he heads off on his date with Rachel, David asks the other guys how much money they thought he had. They’re surprised to learn that he only had a dollar. Mike asks him why he decided to swap his check, and David explains that this way, he wins either way. He might have increased his check value, and he has definitely taken money out of the equation. Sounds like David was paying attention to Jordan’s speech. Mike says that he swapped his check because he doesn’t want to think about money anymore. Caleb reminds Mike that it’s not that simple – after all, he’s not the only guy Rachel is dating. Apparently Mike forgot about that. He stares broodingly off the balcony.

David heads downstairs to meet Rachel, telling us in an interview that his attitude about money is a little different now that he might have more than a buck, but that he wants to be true to this feelings. Rachel, ready to start the making out, applies some lip gloss. She thinks that David might be trying too hard to say the right thing. Can she trust him? She says that these dates are very important. Can she make David feel something for her in just one day? David is forcing himself to think about love now, not money. Could he fall in love with Rachel?

With these heavy thoughts in their minds, the two go to a resort and spa to sit on the beach. David is perched rather uncomfortably on a rock to keep his light colored pants sand-free, I notice. Rachel asks how he feels about her. David says she has all of the qualities he looks for in a girl. If you read between the lines, that’s not exactly a ringing endorsement; basically, it means she looks good on paper. David lists off those attributes: She’s funny (she is?), she’s honest (hah!), she has good family values (other than the lying), and she could be his best friend (well, that’s nice, anyway). Rachel is skeptical. She remembers her fantasy date with Preston, and that guy said some pretty great stuff to her too, right before he dumped her for P.J. She figures she needs to take what David said with a grain of salt.

The two of them have dinner outside overlooking a spectacular view. Rachel muses that if they end up together, how will they ever beat this experience? David says, “If I become rich.” Ooh, wrong answer, David! Don’t talk about money! Rachel reminds us that when she was dating Preston, she got a mystery check and wonders if that’s what David has. If so, she thinks that works to her advantage. It must be cold at that stunning outdoor table, because the two of them are wrapped up in blankets as they eat. Rachel asks for a kiss, and the two of them peck on the lips. Passionate it’s not.