The Complex: Malibu, Episode 2: Toil and Trouble

Welcome to the second installment of The Complex: Malibu, the show that makes me yearn to remodel my entire house while, at the same time, giving me a simulated stress headache. Have I mentioned how cool I think it is that they are using Talking Heads’ “Burning Down the House” as the theme music? Retro, baby! Let’s get right to the action, shall we.

The Upper Complex team (Steve, Nicole, Sam, Scotty, Erik, and Jayna) opens up their “tube mail.” This week, the project will be the master bathroom, and the teams have six days to complete the task. Each apartment has a $10,000 budget, plus any money left over from the last project. Once again, each team must choose a property manager. Now please, tell me, why would anyone want to volunteer for this task now that they know the PM doesn’t have a vote in the eviction? Apparently, they haven’t forgotten the painful lessons of the past, but, when Steve suggests Jayna (she’s good with money and she’s great at shopping), she sees the need for structure. She tells them that she’ll do it but that they will have to listen to her when she talks. Sam immediately interrupts! Something tells me that this isn’t going to go well at all!

Meanwhile, in the Lower Complex (Barney, Wilma (Rose), Brad, Lew, Kim, Carl, David, and Ana), Barney tells Kim that he thinks she did an excellent job as property manager, and that he would like to see her do it again. Is she insane? She understands that playing this role again might put her in the position of being voted off again, but she is willing to take the job in order to win. “What kind of idiot is she?” Barney asks in a voiceover. He can’t believe that she would volunteer to do this again. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” he says to the group. Rose thinks it’s all about Kim’s ego. “Hip, hip, hooray,” says Barney after they decide to break up and come up with plans.

Apartment #1 meets to discuss design plans. Nicole doesn’t want a bathtub, but Jayna decides that a Jacuzzi would add more value. In apartment #3, Brad and Lew plan on using custom mosaic tile that they can get via overnight delivery. They are going to build a vanity and start making a list.

Lower Complex seems to have the same problem that they did last week. Unit #3 is on it, but #4 (starring Fred and Ethel Mertz) is still clueless. Of course they are, but this time around, old Barney has some tricks up his sleeve. He resents Kim’s intrusion and, when she suggests some upscale additions, he gets real defensive and brags about his beautiful home on Long Island. “She’s down here. She’s got her nose up everyone’s butt every two seconds. She’s like a hemorrhoid,” he declares.

Unit #3 breaks to go shopping while Upper Complex begins demolition. Jayna talks to the tile contractor and tells him that they have limited money and time. Sam questions her choice and an argument ensues. These two are like oil and water. Jayna gives Sam a “dose of her own medicine” and they confront each other again. Jayna thinks Sam is psychotic and needs to be on medication.

Kim and Lew are out shopping. Meanwhile, Unit #3 is sweating it out, wondering when Kim will return so that they can use the vehicle. Barney is beginning to twist! Ana thinks Kim is trying to “screw” them. “Right now, it’s every apartment for themselves,” she tells us.

Night falls. Barney and Rose are in bed – this is not a pretty sight folks! Barney is having a dream or so it would seem. He wakes up, telling Rose, “Sabotage the bathroom.” She rolls over and replies, “Not finish it.” Ah hah! They agree that Kim and Carl must go, and this is their “lost opportunity.” Barney thinks they should make their move.

This brilliant idea percolates like fresh, mountain grown coffee, and in the morning, they are ready to discuss the plan with Dave and Ana. Simple plan, really. They screw up the job, vote to evict Kim and Carl, and then, when the team loses, they will be rid of this irritation. What a couple of bozos. Barney asks Dave and Ana who they want to see gone and, of course they “get it” right away. They understand Barney’s implications without him having to spell it out for them. Their alliance appears to be in that they are New Yorkers – ah, a slippery slope you tread allying with these two clowns. They all laugh, but Ana is not sure this is such a great idea. Dave reminds her that they are there to win, and with Barney and Rose still in the game, they’ve got a better chance. His strategy makes sense, and he points out the weak links to Ana. Sure, you keep the weak and get rid of the strong. That’s the way this game is played. “This is a vacation… and a chance to win half a mill,” he reminds her.

Nicole is beginning to seriously stress out. Steve keeps stepping on the tiles that she is cutting and the tiles are cracking. She’s done talking. Meanwhile, Dave and Ana are out in the “Cruiser.” Kim thinks they are out shopping but, really, they are sitting on a bench, looking at the ocean and taking romantic stroll on the boardwalk. Barney pretends that he is upset, but knows their dilly-dallying is all part of his grand scheme.

Meanwhile, Sam is ready to go shopping but Scotty is building another masterpiece – why in the world would you want to build something when you a) have no time and b) have ten grand to spend on a freakin’ bathroom? I shake my head in amazement at the stupidity of some of these people. But let’s not go there – I want to keep this recap under 50,000 words! They take the truck and go to Sears where, in Scotty’s words, they have a million-dollar shopping spree. “Run, Scotty, run,” she tells him as they race from the store.