He Says/She Says: Battle For The Battle Of The Sexes 2

We start with scenes from the original Battle of the Sexes (BOTS1). The guys shout “Hoo-RAH!” The girls shout “VAGINAGINAGINAGINA!” More misty-colored memories of the way they were. Ellen gives Melissa lip, which is an action I wouldn’t recommend. Ruthie says, “I wouldn’t have imagined people getting ugly in character for $50,000.” Cut to Veronica. That was funny. Cut to the final mission. The guys struggle with the puzzle, while the gals struggle. Mark voiceovers about taking a look at the girls’ puzzle. The guys dissembled the girl’s solution, solve their own puzzle, and end up winning. Ellen comments, “The boys totally cheated to win.”

Present day. Both teams arrive. We see various competition scenes. Mark says, “This war is not over!” Mark is wearing Mike’s latest “Miz” tee shirt. I think this might be the year I start hating Mark. Then there’s more competition followed by nightclub fun. Some guy is covered in leeches. Cardboard cutouts of Mark and Mike are blown up. Cameran says to the camera, “We’re gonna kick your ass, bitches!” There is a Wild West showdown with paintball guns. The title card reads, “Rematch of the Century.” That’s taking it a bit far.

After the title sequence, we go to Dan Renzi, two-time Challenger and star of BOTS1. His take on all of this is that, “Guys didn’t want to look bad, so they agreed to never argue on camera. Girls never made that agreement, so they look crazy!” Cut to the "Battle of the Opposite Sexes/Club Zero" debacle. It’s been two years, and I still get fatigued thinking about it. Short story - girls bicker amongst themselves.

Cut to Eric who is leading the team in a “Hoo-RAH!” chant. Hey, there’s Puck. Avert your eyes… it’s the only way to get by him. Dan adds that everybody wanted to play fair, but that changed when money got involved. Dan is joined by Ellen, one of BOTS1's heaviest hitters, who concurs with him. Cut to Jonny Moseley, who explains the Inner Circle - the top three scorers decide who goes home. Colin leads a discussion, concluding that they have to vote out the lowest scorer, “so there’s not any negative emotion in it.” Cut to Melissa who says, “I personally want to vote Julie off.” Yeah, I haven’t changed my mind about that decision, especially after Julie’s actions in The Inferno. Now we meet Ruthie, who has a huge sun tattoo on her upper arm. It really doesn’t flatter her. She says that it was “very black and white” to vote out the lowest scorer, and the girls didn’t do that. Next, there’s Mark (sitting next to Robin). He says that the scoreboard was up for everybody to see, and it was only fair to vote off the lowest score.

Ellen tells us that the two girls who pitted people against each other were Veronica and Emily. We flash back to Emily lowering the boom on Veronica, announcing her exit from the game. Emily tells the guys not to judge, then, since they’re not men. Ellen says that the reason for Emily’s hatred was that James (her boyfriend at the time) helped Veronica move, and they apparently hooked up. Back then, I despised Emily, but now, I’m wishing she’d come back to fix Veronica’s wagon. Funny world, huh? Now we meet Tonya, who is sitting next to Theo. Tonya claims that girls are emotional, and they voted on who was liked and disliked.

We flash back to the Inner Circle where Rachel got voted off. Ellen says, “I personally don’t trust her,” while Emily adds, “Those are the kind of girls that made my high school life completely wretched.” Once again, there’s a difference in opinion for me. Back then, I thought that was a load. Today, after seeing Rachel work over Sarah in The Gauntlet, I can see where Emily is coming from. But watching Ellen make the announcement still pains me. Mark says that the girls showed everybody that anybody was vulnerable and says, “They were playing scared and playing for themselves rather than as a team.” Ellen adds that she took the heat since she made the announcement. “I was like, ‘It’s nothing personal,’ but it really was,” she adds. “I really couldn’t think of anything else to say at the time.”

Cut to the girls looking stunned, and Puck and Shane getting ticked off. Ellen claims that she didn’t know the vote would get everybody so upset. “Rachel, it was entirely personal,” Dan snarks. “No one liked you!” Cut to Rachel giving her “this game is ug-lay!” rant. Good times. Fast forward to the final mission. Dan and Ellen agree that the guys cheated. We flashback to Colin disassembling the girls’ puzzle and relaying the information to Mark and Jamie. Mike (credited as “RW/RR Challenge Expert”) faults the girls for being dumb enough to leave their puzzle out. Ellen playfully bitches some more. Ruthie tells Shane that her team would have won had they knocked their puzzle down. Ellen says, “Boys cheat. Yeah, that’s you, Mark Long.”

As Mark begins his rebuttal, Robin is credited as “Wasn’t There, But Watched It on TV.” He says that wasn’t cheating, and that he told a producer that his team would knock their puzzle over if they completed it first, and the producer had liked the idea. Robin gives him grief that his team couldn’t figure things out on their own. “And we won by an hour!” Mark replies. “I already did my exit interview before the girls passed the finish line.” Katie (another “Expert” who wasn’t at BOTS1) tells Mike that she would have copied the puzzle and laughed about it afterwards. Robin feels that the girls have something to prove.

Cut to the present day, as two buses arrive in Santa Fe. Jonny Moseley welcomes them to Battle of the Sexes 2. Mark says that BOTS 1 was easy, since scores were being kept. Jonny lays down exposition. After the teams find out about the mission, they appoint three of their own as team leaders. Theo picks it up. If the team wins, the leaders can pick off one person. Shane continues explaining that, if the team loses, its members can choose one of the leaders to go home. Amazing... I didn’t think anything could top the Gauntlet concept, but this comes close. It looks like an Apprentice knock-off, but it’s very crafty. Ruthie and Shane agree that there’s more strategy involved this time. Katie says, “Everybody is going to be kissing each other’s ass in order not to piss them off. It’s going to be this big fake house with nothing but brutal back stabbing.” Or as Veronica might call it, “Paradise.”