Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes 2, Episode 3: Slither

After the high of the season opener, we need to unwind a little. Also, MTV.com starts up their Fantasy Challenge. After lots of deliberation, fooling myself into thinking I knew what I was doing, I settled on Abram, Angela, Coral, and Tonya, with Mark and Tina warming the bench. My team name? "Broken Ox." I prefer to keep a little bit of The Amazing Race in my heart.

Previously on Battle of the Sexes 2: thirty-six former RW and RR cast members gathered in Santa Fe for fame and fortune. Okay, maybe just fortune. The guys won Dangle Drop. Brad interviews that he wants to win all the missions. The difference between him and Mark is that he wants to win, as opposed to Mark, who has probably emptied out a room in anticipation of holding the loot. The guys voted out Jacquese, breaking hearts in the viewing audience. Ruthie interviews that voting people off is the worst part of the game. The ladies voted off Genesis, which broke even more hearts. Ruthie thinks that her team has to start kicking ass.

Credits! I gotta make a confession. I can barely differentiate between the eighteen cast members from Survivor: Vanuatu. I can barely differentiate between the eighteen cast members from The Apprentice. On this show, however, I can tell all 36 cast members apart. I don't know if I should be proud or ashamed of that. To paraphrase an old saying, contempt does breed familiarity.

Resort. Pool party! A bunch of them are chilling in the people, others are playing deckside. In our first subplot, we see Coral and Abram close together. I start shuddering right away. Cameran thinks they're a weird sight. You and me both, sister. Nick doesn't know the deal with them and he's not about to pry. The couple seems strange to Theo. He probably hasn't seen Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav together. Now that's strange.

More fun. Dan comes out of hiding, interviewing that Ace is the life of the party and a big smile and a big heart. Ace dances around like a dork. Adam interviews that Ace feels good about the relationships he has. Ace dorks it up some more. Adam reaches to pull Ace's pants down, exposing the territory south of the Mason-Dixon line. Ace: "As far as the girls go out here, they're all hot. I wanna hook up with all of them." Cut to Arissa, who's married and probably not interested.

Now we get to Tonya and her brief episode time. Seriously, the way MTV sold this installment, you'd think it was "Tonya Gone Wild!" She rubs herself on guitar-playing Dan. Shane interviews that she needs to "break it down" with Ace. Cut to Tonya and Ace coming out of a room (or closet), and she looks surprised. But then she gets over it and kisses Ace. Back at the pool, Tonya flashes her breasts. If she did that in Telluride during The Gauntlet, she would've knocked Matt into a coma.

Some of the girls ask Adam to do his "Real World Rap." No! Noooooo! Ladies, have you heard him rap? It's like opening up Pandora's Box. "I think the guys are here to have fun," Mark interviews. "When it's time to compete, we do. When it's time to have fun, we do that, too." And now... the rap:

Okay, maybe I'm harsh on Adam. On the scale of cruddy reality television poetry, that rates a 3.0 out of ten (the worst being "Blue" by Kaia from RW: Hawaii). But he is capable of worse, and we haven't seen him dance yet, so I'm holding off final judgment.

Arissa gets a clue off the sponsor phone. Derrick lays out the details: wearing bathing suit and shoes. Arissa interviews that the girls are pumped. "The boys are not going to take this from us," she adds. "We're really going to battle for it."

Daytime. "Snake Area" sign. The players take a long look at a case full of snakes big and little. Abram interviews that he hates snakes. I write that down, in case I ever meet him. The snakes hiss, while the players look really nervous. Adam: "God, are they really expecting us to get in this pit?" More hissing. For some reason, Ibis is wearing a ratty rainbow boa and tiara. Cut to shots of the smaller snakes biting human hands.

Jonny welcomes everybody to Snake Pit Poker. The two pits have approximately 125-150 snakes. Mike interviews that he almost peed himself. Jonny goes over the rules: each team appoints three leaders, one of whom will act as Pit Boss. Those individuals will stand by poker chip holders. The objective is to get in the pit, retrieve chips and get them into the holder as fast as possible. Each team has to have 175 chips in the holder, and players can only get five chips at a time, meaning everybody goes twice. The first to get all the chips in the holder wins. Jonny then goes into penalties: players can't start collecting while on a block then get on climbing into the pit. They can't go unless called in by the Pit Boss. Having more or less than 175 chips is also a penalty. All penalties result in one minute added on to the team's time. Sophia: "I hate snakes. I don't like them. I don't want to go in there, touching these rubbery things." Jonny shows off the spoils for the victors: bicycles priced at $600 apiece. He gives the teams 30 minutes to appoint leaders.

The boys huddle up. After debating, they pick Theo, Frank, and Brad to lead. Chris expositions that only the leaders talk while a player is in the pit. Brad feels comfortable about the mission. Abram remind us that the leaders are sticking their necks out, since one of them would go home should the team lose. On the ladies' side, Coral and Cameran step up. Cameran talks about if the team wins, and Ayanna doesn't want to hear "if." Cameran: "I think a lot of the girls take this way too seriously. It is a game, and we're supposed to be having fun." Once again: has she seen a Challenge before?

The snakes slither some more. The team leaders are announced, with Arissa joining Cameran and Coral as team leaders. "This is a sandbox, bro," Theo tells his team, "but there's no sand. There's snakes." It is true, you know. Coral instructs her team not to cheer or pay attention to the guys. She interviews that being quiet and having one communicator is important. That, and not riling up snakes. Steven: "I’m deathly, deathly, deathly afraid of snakes!" Once again, I make a note in case I meet him. You never know, right?

Jonny blows his airhorn to start things off. Abram and Aneesa go into the pits to get the chips. One of the girls gets bit. Mark stumbles climbing into the pit. Chris interviews that they have to take their time and not go fast. Veronica: "I see mouths and tongues coming at me. The snakes are looking at me like they want to eat me." Or proclaim you their queen. Ever think of that, Veronica? Theo trips over the glass, bloodying his leg. Jonny urges the women on. Coral interviews that her team is ripping it up. Steven interviews that his team went into the mission overconfident, and the girls have gone much faster. Ayanna slips coming out, and four teammates have to catch her. Abram interviews that his team has to speed it up.