My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss, Episode 2: The Sword and the Soup

Hello, RNO'ers! Many thanks to our esteemed Editor-in-Chief for covering for me for Episode 1 while I was dealing with family stuff, and yes, you get to hear from me for the rest of the run. Sorry. Before we start the recap, some interesting stuff was sent David's way after his recap of last week. Our astute readers have anagrammed the Boss' name, “Mr. N. Paul Todd,” and it spells out "Donald Trump" – cute, eh? This has led some to insist that The Donald is behind the Big Fat Obnoxious Boss (BFOB) show. However, I have to concur with David that someone or something else is making the calls on the show. The Donald no doubt has an exclusivity contract with NBC and besides, he would hate not having the airtime. Not sure I buy David's monkey idea; I was thinking child or infant myself. Perhaps Mark Cuban was so humiliated by the tanking of The Benefactor that he's pulling the strings anonymously? Naw, his ego's even worse than The Donald's. We know where Branson is these days... perhaps Perot? What other crazy billionaires are out there? Please write and share your theories and picks.

Another golden nugget of info (pun intended): seems at least one, if not more, of the women have appeared on Fox's low-rated Mark Burnett show, The Casino. Elli, the only non-blonde (she's a redhead) was apparently part of a bachelorette party run amok at the Golden Nugget Casino. Something involving an inflatable penis in a hot tub and being rude to strippers...

Then there's the identification of the location of the flea market sell-off, which appears to be a future challenge (the reusable toilet paper and ecological tampons from the preview clips I reviewed here). The market is Wolff's Flea Market at Mannheim and North Avenues in Melrose Park, Illinois. So says the owner (I assume), David Wolff. Perhaps Mr. Wolff would be so kind as to write and provide some tidbits of info I might share with RNO'ers in future recaps...

Good stuff. Thanks, people! Now on with the recap. The recap of the recap of last week's show is as follows: contestants locked in armored vans; N. Paul Todd (NPT), the "Billionaire/Mentor," welcomes the patsies— er, contestants to his world; money plopped on the floor; he's "no ordinary billionaire;" contestants beg for change and the men lose and have to sleep in tents; NPT calls Rob short but fires Daniel instead. Good times.

After the credits, we see the men minus Rob and Daniel lounging on beds with several of the women, who all appear to be wearing short-shorts. That screams professional to me. The men are recounting the boardroom experience. Blonde #1 and Blonde #2 (it will take several eliminations of the women for me to get their names straight) agree that, from what it sounds like, the men didn't sell each other out. David, the CPA, tells us that there was a lot of pressure and that NPT was pretty intimidating. Davey, you have no idea. Rob, the mortgage broker and short guy, heads back to the suite— er, penthouse, and tells us he's one step closer to the money "that's rightfully mine."

One of the first things he asks the group is if they want to know NPT's "catchprase." Watchoo talkin' about, Rob? "Get the hell out of my office." Oh, that catchprase. Don't really see it on T-shirts and mugs, but whatever. Rob tells them about being called short, which appalls Goatee Guy (GG). GG, named Michael, is presented as "liquor distribution executive." Anyone else wonder what these titles mean? I started trying to decipher them. My guess for "liquor distribution executive" – "buys liquor for underage kids outside a 7-Eleven." (I kid because I care.) Michael tells us he would "pull Mr. Todd over the table" if he was insulted like that. Kerry, Blonde #3, the "media marketing director" (distributes flyers?) tells us she wouldn't expect Richard Branson or Donald Trump to make such an un-politically correct statement. Sir Richard would probably make someone jump from the space shuttle and land without aids on a high wire and commence a tap dance, but I agree, he wouldn't insult. As for The Donald, I recall him calling people "messes" and "stupid"... short would be a step up, as I see it. Goatee Guy seems to think that Rob wouldn't want to work for NPT after that. Something tells me Rob wouldn't care.

Cut to next day, Day 4. A woman from IOCOR enters the penthouse and delivers letters to Tonia and Rob. Tonia, distinguishing herself from the other blondes by donning a pair of extremely unflattering overalls, is congratulated for leading her team to victory. Rob is reminded that he is the men's team's new boss. Both Tonia and Rob have earned the first "executive privilege." Each may invite two team members to join them on a tour of NPT's townhouse. William August (WA), the actor playing NPT, tells us that the tour is designed to draw the contestants into the world of being a billionaire and give them a little face time with the boss. Tonia chooses Blonde #3 and Blonde #4 to go with her because they happen to be with her when she read the note. We don't see how Rob chooses his two. WA explains that the aim of the tour was to see "how much eccentric billionaire bulls--t we could get away with."

The contestants take a limo to the mansion. One of the blondes tells us that she feels extremely privileged to tour the house and that it was motivation, to see how someone of his wealth lives. Rob notes the fence around the house is probably "to keep the poor people out." Shorty is funny. NPT waves from a window and again welcomes them to his world. WA tells us that the mansion is an $18 million dollar home they rented for the show and that the actors had only seen the house that morning. He also tells us about two new characters being introduced: Lynn, his gold-digger wife, and Danielle, his spoiled brat daughter. The actress playing Danielle (also named Danielle) describes the daughter as a "not-so-bright cousin of Paris Hilton." NPT tells the group that Danielle is the apple of his life and that Lynn completes him. Tamara, the actress playing Lynn, tells us her character is the typical trophy wife. As a friend of mine would say, this is getting delicious.

The group is shown the gold leaf, the winding staircase, the old painting, the chandeliers, etc. Lynn points out that the gold leaf is real gold, and Rob notes that it probably costs more than your normal base coat. Rob could be the next ANT. Lynn then asks who has heard of Napoleon. In so doing, she insults Blonde #3 (Kerry), who explains that the contestants are all there because they are intelligent. Who hasn't heard of Napoleon? Lynn continues, showing two vases and proclaiming that they were in Napoleon's house "possibly." She air-quotes the word "possibly." WA explains that they had no clue what half the stuff in the house was and were just dragging the contestants from room to room, exaggerating and lying about everything.