The Apprentice 2, MVPs and LVPs – The Corner Office or the Mailroom for the First Ten Episodes

As for the men, I was worried when I saw that they chose an Italian sandwich maker. How many people in the QVC audience, awaiting Marie Osmond's doll display, hit themselves in the head and say, "if I only had a panini?" And at almost $80, I figured it was a tough sell. Still, they did better (if only slightly) than the women, and they were off by only $4 when the grills were sold on Apprentice night on QVC, so they had good pricing instincts. My choice for corner office this week goes to John, who weathered the heat of the lights and the steam from the grill and pitched his little heart out. If you hit 330 on the corner office phone, you can have lunch sent up. Enjoy. The mailroom will be helmed by Andy, not just for wearing that ridiculous hardhat, but because I couldn't see how his watching the bouncing-ball-selling point graph on the computer helped anyone. I bet he's not the first Harvardian to work the mailroom, and I'm pretty sure he won't be the last. He'll get to work with another one this week, actually (Pamela was a Harvard undergrad).

Week 6: Does It Come in My Size?

Forgive my alluding to a stereotype, but The Donald must have chosen the dress-making challenge to throw a bone to the boneheaded women's team. Except for Raj, none of the men, although they dress very well, seem like clotheshorses. The women, on the other hand, seem to change outfits every few hours. The challenge: create five outfits and use Trump models to show them at Fashion Week. The team who sold the most of its line won. The teams were given models and could choose designers. To me, the designer choice was crucial. The men chose an eclectic designer, not one who seemed prepared to start a line right away. The women, with Maria at the helm ('cause her mother was a Home Ec teacher) chose Darren, who presented his style as "low end at the high-end stores." That shouts high sales to me. The men ogled the women and Raj went so overboard that he angered the designer and interfered with her process. Raj, there's no debating this week. Take it to the mailroom. Your colleague this week will be an old, old man. You need a time out. As for the corner office, I want to give an honorary promotion to Ilsa, for having to put up with all that crap.

The women fared better, although they squabbled a little about the designs. Maria acted like her genesis from a Home Economics goddess was grounds for worship, but my mother was head of the math department and I couldn't do long division if you paid me. Get over yourself. She does get the corner office, but more for her brilliant idea of pairing Jennifer (level-headed) with Elizabeth (flustered) to see the buyers and see what they were looking for. It got Elizabeth out of everyone's hair and got the team some valuable information on what the buyers wanted. Yes, Maria has a huge ego, but as I've said before, overarching ego doesn't get you sent to the mailroom. That dishonor goes to Elizabeth. I worry about her. Did her parents rush her potty training? Why is she always so anxious and flustered? Maybe a stint in the quiet of the mailroom will relax you a bit.

Week 7: How Much is That Doggy in the Window?

The Donald is testing my patience with this next challenge. We are seven weeks into the 15-week "job interview," and his bright idea is to have the groups wash dogs. How does that equate with running a multi-million dollar company? It makes as much sense as Mark Cuban deciding who gets his million by having them play a rousing game of Jenga. Those wacky billionaires! At least he did the smart thing and mixed the teams up, giving each team a little of the headache that was the women's team. Each team had to spend a day servicing dogs (and not in that way; you people are sick). The team with the most money would win.

Jennifer, the project manager for the newly-reformed Apex, decided that the team will wash dogs. They eventually expanded services to include doggy massage (I don't even want to know) and toenail clipping. The other team, Mosaic as led by Wes, seemed infected by his low energy. Maybe he needs some B12. In any event, two of the group (Sandy and Kelly) worked their hands raw washing dogs. Even if they didn't go fast enough for Carolyn's taste, at least they worked. I caught Maria flirting, Stacy R. moping, and Wes... what did Wes do? Anyone? Anyone? Even Andy was chasing people through the park, trying to drum up business. Wes, your team not only lost, but you contributed next to nothing, if that. Even Stacy contributed, even if it was only bad vibes. The mailroom's all yours. As for the corner office, Sandy and Kelly will share the massive oak desk this week. Good work, guys, no matter what Carolyn says. The team would have had no sales at all without you.

Team Mosaic seemed all over the place, but they all hustled to get business. All but Raj and Elizabeth. At least Raj had the idea of expanding to a new location, but other than that, I could find no evidence of his washing, or clipping – maybe he didn't want to dirty his Chinos. Raj, you might want to bring a change of clothes, as the mailroom gets musty and dusty. And Elizabeth, you will be helping Raj sort mail this week. You didn't even come up with a suggestion. Nothing. Nada. Bupkis. The star of the Mosaic team was harder to come by this week, as everyone else seemed to be hustling. I think the corner office is large enough to accommodate the rest, but without a clear winner or two, I am loathe to award the corner office to anyone this week. Good efforts by all, though.

Week 8: We Have Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself? Are you Sure?

This episode was hard for me to watch, coming so close to the election. Each team had to devise a recruiting commercial for the NYPD, and I worried that the approach would be to scare people instead of inspire them. That's the tack that Apex took, and Trump and Co. reacted to it as I did. Trump wanted to forget about the show and go and lock his front door. That's not what the NYPD ought to be about, and Mosaic showed the Department as brave, strong, and proud. Theirs was the rightful win, and Andy deserved the corner office for his leadership and for his idea of "When was the last time...?" It was his vision from top to bottom, and I thought it was brilliant. Enjoy the chair massage on Wednesday. Maria will be delivering your mail this week, if only for her insipid insistence that a recruiting commercial for the police have "sex appeal."