The $25 Million Dollar Hoax, Episode 3: The Dramatic! Emotional! Finale!

It’s 9:50? And we’re starting? Huh? Okay, then.

Previously on The $25 Million Dollar Hoax: The entire hoax. Ed McMahon was there. Chrissy went shopping and turned into a diva. Her family wasn’t too thrilled. Are you ready for the “dramatic and emotional conclusion”? Just for fun, let’s count the number of times they say that. That was #1 right there.

We’re back at last week’s family discussion about Chrissy’s new house, which her family is unhappy to learn that she’s buying. Chrissy explains that she’s putting 20% down and Lois exclaims, “Excuse me?” She’s not sure that Chrissy can actually afford the house. Chrissy says that she’ll make more money through her singing career. Her family responds, “What?” She reminds them that she can win a minimum of five million dollars in the big spin and Paul points out in an interview that she might not win more than that. Andrew interviews that he’s past wondering when he’s going to get some of the money and is on to wondering what Chrissy’s doing.

Chrissy tells her family that she’s only paying $4.5 million for the house. The house is supposed to cost $4.75 million, so no one’s reassured. Guy says that he’s reached his breaking point. Chrissy interviews that she’s destroyed her father’s dream of starting a business buying and selling houses. Eric says that Chrissy knew no one wanted her to get the house. Lois explains that the business Guy wanted to start would have been a family activity. Chrissy forces everyone to toast her new purchase and talks about the great parties she could throw there. Eric remarks that the parties will be BYOB. He’s so disappointed that he wants to dump champagne on Chrissy’s head.

David thinks that Chrissy will have to start spending money out of her own pocket to support her new lifestyle. Chrissy decides that she has to leave the room before she blows her cover. She’s nervous and worried that not everyone will show up for the spin, in which case, everything they’ve gone through will have been for nothing. Commercials.

“Dramatic and emotional conclusion” teaser #2. Lois makes a verbal list of everything Chrissy’s bought. Eric wants everyone to make money from the house-building business. David thinks that Chrissy has made a ridiculous decision and might not be able to buy the house. A hidden camera catches the rest of the conversation, in which pretty much everyone agrees that Chrissy’s pop career will be a flop. Like that’s ever stopped anyone. Guy wonders what she’ll do if the money is spread out over a number of years. Eric thinks that Chrissy spending all of the money is the worst-case scenario. Guy tells him not to worry about the money.

Eric says that he didn’t really expect her to share any of it. He gets in a dig at David, saying that he would have spent it all the first day. Paul blames Guy for Chrissy’s behavior, accusing him of spoiling his only daughter. Guy is shocked by this accusation. Paul points out that they all grew up poor in the same house. Guy says that Chrissy hasn’t picked up the life lessons he wanted her to learn. Paul hopes that Chrissy hits it big in the spin and thinks that she should wait on buying the house. Guy replies that he told her to wait, but he couldn’t go too far, because he wanted to be nice in front of the cameras.

Lois doesn’t think that $5 million will be enough for Chrissy, considering the way she’s been spending it. She won’t be able to afford to live in the new house. It “boggles” David that Chrissy would put material possessions above her family. As we head to commercials, the “dramatic and emotional” count rises to 3.

According to a title card, it’s time for an “intervention.” Awesome. We’re still on hidden camera, by the way. Guy tells Chrissy that he wants to see her deal with the real estate agent. Chrissy says that there isn’t one. Lois confirms that she put $800,000 down and asks about house payments. Chrissy bluffs her way through the conversation, stating that they’ll be $5,000 to $10,000 a month. Eric interviews that she doesn’t know what she’s doing. No, but she’s faking it rather nicely, don’t you think? Chrissy asks if she’s in the middle of an intervention. Guy tells her that they’re just trying to make sense of things. He wants her to wait for the spin and reminds her that she can withdraw her offer on the house. Chrissy says no. Guy points out that she can still buy the house tomorrow, but Chrissy says that her decision won’t change.

Lois still wants numbers. Chrissy accuses everyone of spoiling her fun. She interviews that part of turning everything around on her family can be blamed on her annoyance with them. David says that their family doesn’t usually talk about money and that this isn’t like them. He decides to just get up and leave. He wants Eric to go with him, because he thinks that two people leaving would make people notice. Fortunately for David, Eric does go with him. Guy says that he just wanted to get Chrissy out of there, but he could only tell her that it’s her life and her money. She has to learn for herself, but if she fails, he’ll help her.

Lois tells Chrissy that “big responsibility comes with big money.” No, no, Lois. “With great power comes great responsibility.” I thought you said your family liked movies. Lois says that this is the hard part of having money. Chrissy wonders why they have to talk about this right now. Lois replies that she doesn’t want Chrissy living with her. But… I thought you didn’t want her to buy the house.