Real World Philadelphia, Episode 13: Horny Like The Wolf

Last week, Real World returned to the fighting. This week? Sex! In less sarcastic news, Real World Philadelphia has been nominated for a People’s Choice Award for Best Reality Show! Congratulations all around!

Sarah is practically keening with horniness. Karamo says she and Willie are easily the most sexually frustrated people in the house. Sarah tells Willie and Karamo that she can’t even think, she’s so horny. So, what do you do when you’re a horny girl in the city? Head for the gay bar! What?

Sarah finds a willing victim, dancing ohsoclose to each other. She tells him she’s extremely picky, and cavorts with Willie. That’s clear. Meanwhile, MJ and Landon are shooting pool. MJ says let’s do something. Landon whines he doesn’t want to, but he clearly does. MJ "convinces" him to go to Glam, where there are two girls doing the seductive girl-on-girl dance. Always a crowd pleaser. It gets MJ’s attention, though. He snatches one girl from the other, kisses her, then introduces himself! That’s a technique.

The girl in question has one of those horrendous boob jobs that bear no resemblance to actual breasts. Just like two casaba melons hanging freely from her chest. Therefore, we shall call her Casaba. MJ makes a break for the door. She asks where he’s going. To my place, he says. I’m coming, she says. Heh heh.

Sarah gets her fella alone, and after spelling out her likes and dislikes (of which there are many), she gets around to letting him get a word in edgewise. "Well, I don’t like it when a guy is more masculine than me..." he begins (that narrows the pool considerably, says Sting). Sarah tells us this is "one of those moments when I refuse to believe a guy is gay!" Other than spitting out boa feathers, I don’t know what other evidence she would need! Sarah tells her tale at home, Shavonda feebly offering, "maybe he’s bi!" Willie says he’s known bisexual people, but he doesn’t understand it. Frankly, neither do I.

Suddenly, the sound of coquettish giggling is heard. It’s MJ, with Casaba hoisted over his broad shoulders. He, much a like a caveman, deposits her in the boys’ closet. Shavonda is fascinated. In the middle of the night, for reasons clear to no one, other than that maybe a cameraman put him up to it, Landon tries to enter the closet, he is met with a slammed door. Message received!

Landon, blushing, says, "Girls like Nicole happen to the best of us!" What does that mean? Casaba’s name is Nicole? Who cares? Let’s stick with Casaba. And, as the slap and tickle ensues in the closet (how ironic is that?), the camera focuses on a lovely 8 x 10 of Ashley, the girl MJ put on pause.

Next morning, well... after, anyway, Casaba is faced with a conundrum. "How am I getting home?" she wails. Sarah appears in the doorway and tells them to shut the hell up. Well... please be quiet. "Was I loud?" Casaba wails again. I love when people do that. Then she whines they all hate her. Correct. Where is home, MJ asks. "New Jersey," Casaba says with a straight face. MJ "can’t find his wallet" ahem. Landon offers a dollar. Casaba says she’ll think of something. I’m sure she will. MJ tells us that he doesn’t make any promises to any "of these women" and so, considers himself a Southern gentleman.

That gets tested quick. Casaba says help me get a cab. MJ is dumbstruck for a moment (come on, South!), "like this?" he gasps. And, begrudgingly, he does hail a cab for the girl and Casaba is spirited off into the night.

MJ consults with Landon. He’s having some Casaba-regret. He wonders what he’s doing to his relationship with Ashley. Landon says they are only in Philly for a short time, he has to "soak it up." MJ says he’s never satisfied with his flings, there’s "no chase." Landon says that’s why he has to be selective. Casaba was an example of total randomness. MJ says he’s going to draw the line. Sure, he’ll flirt, but he won’t go any further. The best laid plans.

The next morning, in the shower, Willie can’t believe he "missed the skank!" He goes on and on about how disappointed he is. "Next time, I’m going to be sitting in the front with a bowl of popcorn!" he says. Was she really special? Sarah says Casaba was really challenged. Mentally. Later, he tells MJ to make sure he gets to "meet the slut." MJ looks like he’s not sure what to say. So, being the Southern gentleman he is, he defends her attractiveness. "Half the house thought she was attractive, the other half –" Sarah cuts him off, cattily, "I wouldn’t call her attractive..." Willie says she’s gone already? Sarah says, "Girls like that don’t spend the night!"

Where’s Mel?

Sarah asks Willie and Mel if she should call her gay guy. Mel says sure. Willie is not so sure. Sarah is getting her hair cut by Willie’s friend, Diana (male). Diana says the word on the circuit is "Jason" is definitely homosexual. Sarah is still not convinced. She has lunch with Jason. She lays it all out on the table. I’m hot for you. Your serve. Jason says he wants to be "open-minded." Sarah takes this as a victory. Then things take a peculiar turn. Eating with Willie, Sarah seems to say that she just wants a fling. Willie says Jason is not the kind of guy to have flings. Sarah seems bewildered by this. He has to know that I’m leaving soon, she says. Willie says but he likes you, and you like him. Sarah blinks in deeper confusion. Willie tells us that he is concerned that a gay man is considering having a relationship with a women as flighty as Sarah. It could be very detrimental to Jason. Didn’t see that one coming!

MJ calls Ashley and makes a pseudo confession, in which Ashley completely enables him. Meanwhile, Sarah moves to seal the deal with Jason. But, she says she sensed "internal conflict" with him. Apparently, things kind of sputter. Sarah says she can’t deal with a man not wanting her. (Oh, she so asked for this!) And, Jason is spirited off into the night. She tells Willie things didn’t go well. "I can’t deal with confused men," she says, her sexual superiority restored.

Sting7 has been a respected published writer for 16 years, as a music editor, entertainment critic, columnist, and interviewer. He also has a curious love for pro-wrestling! You can email Stinger at stingseven@yahoo.com.

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