America’s Next Top Model 3, Episode 10: The Miss Kimono 2004 Pageant

We watch the girls do the challenge...

Kumquat: Okay, three men and one woman are the guests at this dinner.

Poodle: The woman is the kimono designer, I think. The men are “tea ceremony experts.” The women teach the ceremony and the men are the experts. How sexist.

Kumquat: I would say the teacher woman was being picky when she got onto Eva doing the ceremony wrong, but hell, even the French judge would have taken off points for getting the first two steps backwards.

Poodle: Nice walk, though. I think. But what is up with designer woman’s hair? It’s like her head is one of those tri-cornered hats Washington wore to cross the Delaware.

Kumquat: Okay, teacher lady is bugging me. Ann is tall and she’s going to take off points because she’s tall and has to sit on the line in order to do the bow thingie. That’s just wrong.

Poodle: And stiff hands while drinking too. Teacher lady cracked me up with her impersonation of it though. Gotta give her marks for that one.

Kumquat: What about the look of terror on designer woman’s face. I mean it’s like she just took a poop in her pants after seeing that one.

Poodle: Okay, teacher lady just got on my bad side again. What is up with her dissing that bright blonde girl by saying that she looked awkward because she wasn’t used to wearing a kimono? Sorry, honey, but she left her practice kimono back in the States and the one you gave her from your bus and truck tour of Flower Drum Song still reeks of moth balls.

Kumquat: You’re so bad. I love it. And the tea bowl. Amanda didn’t move the tea bowl before “old socks and bikini.” The Albanian judge is going to fry her over that one.

Poodle: And Yadda didn’t wipe the rim of the tea bowl. I guess that’s like lipstick on a champagne glass.

Kumwuat: Or double dipping.

Poodle: Just going for those Seinfeld references with Yadda aren’t you?

Kumquat: Not going to let that die. But look, it’s time for Norelle’s train wreck. You just know she’s going to screw this one up.

Poodle: What was that about her bow?

Kumquat: It was open?

Poodle: Old?

Kumquat: It’s a rewind thing. I’m more upset we didn’t hear her get bad marks on opening the door like we did before. I guess she didn’t do something stupid like use her thumb or hold her wrist at an odd angle?

Poodle: But she used the wrong side of the paper! No one’s ever done that before, Kumquat! BEFORE!

Kumquat: Forget that. These tea ceremony people look like they are going to rip her head off – she’s messing up left and right. And the pick. She dropped the pick.

Poodle: What is she doing with the sweets? She’s just going to wrap them in the paper and stuff it in her pocket? Couldn’t she have gotten a doggie bag for that?

Kumquat: What are they doing now? The interview competition of the Miss Kimono Pageant? Are you enjoying your time in Japan? What are they going to say? I hate your country, your food, your customs, your tea ceremony, and most importantly your kennel club hotels.

Poodle: Capsule hotels.

Kumquat: Face it, Poo, they’re kennels. Look at Yadda show off by answering in Japanese. She’s getting cocky or full of herself or something. They asked you in English, honey, you don’t have to show off what you learned in that Berlitz tape you listened to on the plane over.

Poodle: Oh. Look at Norelle. I feel for her. She has no clue what the man just said. She probably just wants to say, “Um, yeah. Sure. Where’s the Taco Bell?” She just blew it.

We pause as we watch Yadda win the competition.

Kumquat: I think she won because she answered in Japanese.

Poodle: You are such a conspiracy freak.

Kumquat: Freaky. Eva just said that at the same time you did.

Poodle: Oh God. Am I on the same wavelength as Eva? That would be scary?

Kumquat: Sadly I think it’s probably more true than you want to admit.

Poodle: That’s even scarier.

I admit I missed what happened here since I was off to the bathroom to evacuate half the bottle of sake I consumed. When I returned, Amanda was saying something about “being away from the noise of the other girls.” Of course, there was no noise with the girls.

Kumquat: They are appreciating bowls, Poodle. They are appreciating bowls while they eat.

Poodle: When Yadda says, “fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh fish,” does that mean it’s raw?

Kumquat: I dunno. Probably.

Pause again as we watch the girls get ready for their night out on the town. We give each other confused looks when we see Amanda do something odd with those gigantic stiletto heels and ultimately falls down. I note to ask Phil about this one, too.

Poodle: It’s Eva against the world. Four of them on one side and Eva all alone.

Kumquat: And how convenient that Tyra just happens to know where they are and shows up.