The Real Gilligan’s Island, Episode 3: The Weather Started Getting Rough

Welcome to another zany episode of The Real Gilligan’s Island. You can read my review of the previous episode here, or I can simply give you the short version; seven new castaways … no, wait, fourteen castaways!… Survivor-like challenges… millionaire Donna is a bitch… Skipper has heart attack… Professors face off… Eric banished.

Tonight, we begin where we left off yesterday. People are complaining that Donna is a bitch. Movie Star Rachel rides into the camp on a broomstick she has found. Millionaires Glenn and Mindy laugh and say that this is appropriate transportation for some one else on the island (and we all know who they mean). We are shown a few shots of Donna acting bitchy towards anyone within earshot, in case there were any viewers in doubt of whom they were talking about.

And then we move on to that unfortunate business of elimination. At the end of last show, Mary Ann’s character was pulled out of the Voodoo box, indicating that she is the next pair of characters to be challenged and have one of them banished.

We find Mary Ann Kate hanging out with her new boyfriend, Gilligan Chris. We hear from Chris that he really likes her too. The rest of the Gold Team likes her as well, and they vow to do whatever they can to help her win the challenge. Over at the Green Team meeting, Millionaire Donna is monopolizing the conversation and making the rest of the player grind their teeth, trying to remain polite.

All too soon, the radio crackles to life and invites the teams to gather around the large palm tree for the latest challenge to decide the fate of the Mary Anns, which they then do.

Once again, it’s another challenge ripped off from Survivor. Scott, our host, explains that the teams must throw rocks at the coconuts in the trees and knock them down. The Mary Anns must then collect the coconuts, break them open, and fill five large glasses with coconut milk. The first one to fill all the glasses wins.

Scott waves his arm and they’re off! The action is fast-paced as the coconuts smash to the ground all around the Mary Anns, who are trying to avoid being conked on their heads. Mary Ann Amanda is quickly pulling ahead, but Mary Ann Kate is catching up. She has discovered a brilliant strategy of cracking open the coconuts and then setting them on top of the cup, letting gravity do the work of draining it, while she goes and gets another one. Amanda starts copying this strategy a little too late and Kate wins. Amanda is banished to the other side of the island with Professor Eric. That’s two losses in a row for Team Green. As Gooner says, “This sucks.”

The Gold Team returns to camp and finds their reward, coconut cream pie. Ever the classy team, they decide not to flaunt their win and take their pie into one of the huts to eat it.

Donna, of the Green Team, is, once again, green with envy and declares that the Green Team actually won, but lost when Amanda thought she was told to top off two of her previously full glasses. She says that everyone on the Gold team is fake and that they are real people. Finally, several of Donna’s own team members can’t stand it any more and just leave her alone with her husband, who looks like he wants to leave as well.

All too soon, the professor and Mary Ann are sent back to Voodoo Village to find out which character will be featured in the next competition. They open the box and find the Millionaire characters. At this rate, we’ll have our final seven castaways by the end of next episode.

Anyway, the castaways are told a little bit about what the challenge will be. As expected, it’s another Survivor- style challenge, the gross-food challenge. We hear from Nicole that she’s getting very weak from lack of food and water, and that she’s often throwing up.

Gooner also tells us that he’s so hungry he could eat anything. Indeed, he looks more like a skeleton than a man. I suppose this hunger problem could work either way for a gross-food challenge. Either you’ll be so hungry that you wolf it all down, or you’ll be so sickened that you can’t eat. Which is it? We’ll see.