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Survivor: Vanuatu – I’m in the Mood to Sing, Simply Because You’re Oustedby Ken Kellam III -- 12/08/2004
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There’s a lot that can be said, has been said, and will be said about Ami’s behavior before having to come to grips with the fact that not only does she NOT own the building and order the tenants around, she has been officially evicted.
For now, let’s say it in song, and dub the effort, “Survivor Vanuatu: God Didn’t Save the Queen.” After all, “Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead” seems too easy.
Let’s start with “I Swear,” recorded by John Michael Montgomery, and later, All 4 One. This particular number could be sung after Ami shows what a lady she is by giving the remaining players, and America, the “International Sign of Friendship,” i.e. the finger:
I know you’re gone and I don’t care
I’m glad you got booted off,
Cause you thought the game was all yours,
And I swear,
And of course, what musical tribute would be complete without a holiday ditty? Sing the following to the tune of “Winter Wonderland.”
Your middle finger, you’re extending
Eliza you spurned,
And so you got burned,
Now you’re off in Loser Wonderland.
Early on you formed a girls’ alliance,
I predict, we’ll see your fury,
But you’re not the best
Hey, this is getting fun. Let’s try “Jingle Bells.”
You thought you had some clout,
But you turned on Eliza,
And you pissed off Scout,
You got played by Twila,
Ami’s gone, Ami’s gone
Actually if you get right down to it, an entire musical could be made based on Survivor: Vanuatu from the rock duo “Hall and Oates.” When Leann is ousted, and again when it’s Ami’s turn, they could turn to the other players and sing, “Say it isn’t so.” When refusing to vote Eliza before, Ami could’ve sang, “I can’t go for that, no can do.” Maybe if she’d kept singing it she’d still be in the game.
After Leann’s ouster turned the game upside down, the players and jury could sing, “You did it in a minute.” After Ami’s hateful final words, Twila could sing, “Some things are better left unsaid.” When Ami and the others plotted to oust Eliza prematurely, someone could’ve sang, “Private Eyes, they’re watching you.” Come to think of it, I’m surprised that when Ami started working Eliza, she didn’t sing, “You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling.” Of course, the way she tried to butter up the Syracuse co-ed, Ami might as well have been singing, “Kiss on my list.” And of course, there’s the title theme, “Maneater.”
Okay, now that our “tribute” to the booted barista is done, let’s take a look back, not at her greatest hits, but rather, greatest misses. That is, things she said that were so far off the mark they don’t even show up on the radar screen.
First there was her claim that the others didn’t screw her, as she was still in the game. An image comes to mind of Napoleon, exiled to St. Helena after one too many military defeats, saying, “You cannot remove me from power, I’m still alive.” Well, Napoleon died at St. Helena, and Ami, of course, is now exiled to the jury box. She may have said she wasn’t screwed in order to save face, but realistically, she had to know her goose was all but cooked; if not, she was in a serious state of denial.
I decided to look up a biography, and found a few more similarities to Ami and the French military man and ruler. The biography called him masterful, and said he had no equal as a tactician. Similarly, Ami had no equal as a player in this game until last week.
The biography described Bonaparte as ruthless and a dictator, and said later in his career, he thought he could do no wrong. Well, let’s see: Ami was ruthless towards the men in the game, as well as Lisa. And for much, if not most, of the game, she behaved like a dictator and treated the other players like her subjects. As the game went on, she too thought she could do no wrong, and hence, went along with the plot to oust Eliza. Ironically, it was NOT behaving like a dictator that led to her eventual undoing. But just as Napoleon thought anything he did would turn to gold, Ami apparently thought the same, and while she’s not dead, her chances of winning most definitely are, and she never really had much of a chance after Leann’s ouster.1 2 3 Next-->
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