The Real Gilligan’s Island, Episode 4: They'll Have to Make the Best of Things

Welcome to another zany episode of The Real Gilligan’s Island. You can read my review of the previous episode, or I can simply give you the short version: Green team losing … Donna’s a bitch … drain coconuts … Mary Ann Amanda gone … eat gross food … Donna and Bill gone ... movie star is next … Gilligan and Mary Ann get cozy.

And so here were are in episode four. In this episode, we expect to get rid of one of the two movie stars and one of the two Gilligans.

Day breaks and the older men, the professor and skipper, wake up early for a nice stroll down the beach. They enjoy the sunshine and fresh air, but mostly they enjoy the movie stars taking showers and sunbathing topless on the beach. The camera operators and Glenn, the millionaire, are also enjoying the fresh morning air.

Back at the hut, Glenn tells us that he and his wife got the best night of sleep they’ve had since they got there. Why? Because Donna and Bill Beavens had been banished the day before. That makes everyone happy.

In the other hut, Gilligan Chris and Mary Ann Kate are waking up and recovering from their drinking binge of the evening before. Glenn is pretty sure that something interesting happened between them last night and he is determined to find out the details. He asks Chris, but Chris says he’s not the type to kiss and tell. Chris confides to the camera that nothing really happened.

The rest of the castaways are lounging around with the skipper in his hut, speculating on what the skipper looks like naked, when the radio crackles to life. It beckons them to go down to the lagoon for the challenge to see which movie star can make the biggest splash. The skipper puts on his pants and joins the others down at the lagoon.

Scott greets the castaways and explains that the movie stars will be diving into the lagoon and collecting oysters. The Gilligan for each team will shuck the oysters and look for a pearl inside. Some of them have pearls, but most of them have rocks. Once each team collects 15 pearls, they will string them into a necklace for the movie star to wear. The movie star to wear her necklace first wins and the other will be banished.

Rachel asks a perfectly valid question, “Are the pearls real? Because if they are not, I’m not doing it.” Scott is baffled. He doesn’t really know. But he does know that if Rachel refuses to dive, she’ll be banished.

She agrees to do it anyway. Scott waves his arm and they’re off! The movie stars strip down to their bikinis and jump in the water, much to the delight of the Gilligans and the rest of the men. Both Nicole and Rachel tell us that Nicole should do better than Rachel at this challenge because of her Baywatch experience. Rachel complains that her ears hurt when she dives.

Nicole takes the lead at seven to five. But Rachel makes a good effort and ties the score at 11 each. Each diver just needs four more pearls. Rachel moves into the lead at 13 to 12. She gets her 15th pearl while Nicole has 14. Rachel hops out of the water and starts assembling the necklace.

Moments later, Nicole has her final pearl and hops out to start assembling her necklace. I never thought I’d be calling bead stringing a tense activity, but somehow these ladies make it quite exciting to watch. Or maybe it’s the wet bikinis.

In any case, Rachel finishes her strand of pearls, counts them twice just to be sure, puts them on, and is declared the winner. Nicole is disappointed, of course, but she congratulates Rachel warmly (like all those fake hugs we see from the losing movie stars at the Academy Awards). Nicole tells us that she lost because she was weak from not eating. In any case, movie star Nicole is banished from the island.

Back at camp, everyone is relaxed now, except for Gillgans Chris and Gooner. They know that their challenge will be next and they are very nervous. The discussion in the hot tub, however, turns to the game strategy. The players (and the home audience) don’t know what will happen to them once the castaways are down to the final seven. They think that it will shift to Survivor-style voting, so Gilligan Chris, Mary Ann, and the two millionaires make an alliance and vow to not vote against each other.

But, in the case of actual voting, this new alliance worries about Rachel not being a part of the alliance. They acknowledge that she is a strong woman and fear what she’ll do if she’s not in the alliance. Glenn wanders off to sound out Rachel. But, instead of talking strategy, Rachel is brooding over the sorry affair called, “Crackergate.”

Apparently, the Mary Anns were given packages of crackers when they arrived on the island. Mary Ann Amanda ate her crackers, but Mary Ann Kate said she didn’t like hers. Rachel now wants to know whatever happened to them. Glenn, sensing an opportunity to turn the other players against each other, encourages Rachel to confront Kate.

Later, around the campfire, Rachel asks Kate where the crackers went. She says she doesn’t know and that someone must have taken them. Things escalate and almost come to a head, when the Gold team is interrupted and told that the movie is about to start (that’s the reward for winning the challenge). They put aside the Crackergate problems and enjoy the movie. The movie is Mr. Robinson Crusoe, made in 1932, starring Douglas Fairbanks. The Internet Movie Database gives it a 5.8 out of 10. The castaways also enjoy the popcorn, candy, and soda that come with the reward.