Big Brother 4, September 5: Trust Is A Four-Letter Word

Previously, Jee thought his secret alliance with Jun was “a tool to get [him] further in the game,” but instead wound up looking like a tool when he was voted out. Alison crowed that she had the Golden Power of Veto medallion wrapped around her neck; most viewers would have liked to wrap something else around there. Stock Booming Melodramatic Announcer #38 booms that everyone anxiously awaited Alison’s veto decision, then directly contradicts himself by saying that Robert and Erika remained calm. “THE DREAM TEAM WAS TORN APART!” he melodramatically thunders. Oh, dial it down a notch, will ya?

Jun tells us her alliance with Jee had gotten her as far as it could so it was time to discard him like yesterday’s lutefisk; she admits to having suckered him in a way because he thought they still had an alliance. “OH, JEE!!!” she melodramatically (and I’m 99% certain sarcastically) shrieks as she gives him a final hug. Erika tells us it never feels good walking someone to the door. Still, though, it’s better than walking yourself there, I would imagine. Robert tells us he couldn’t even be happy that he was staying because he was so sad Jee was leaving he almost cried! “No one’s played a better game than Jee!” he rails to the heavens. “No one!” Yeah, which is why he finished fifth. Just off the top of my head, Jee was too rigid in his thinking and strategy and won competition after competition, which would be enough of a red flag, but doing it at the same time he was Head of Household, had just doomed them all to a week of PB&J, and was thereby denying them further things? Suicidal. So sorry, Robert, but I don’t see Jee getting an entry in the Big Brother Strategery Hall of Fame anytime soon.

Alison tells us that all Jee’s departure meant to her was that she needed to focus and get back on track. I’m thinking I could save myself a lot of time and effort if I just created a macro that will type, “Alison: Me! Me me me me me! Oh - and me! In addition - me! And also? Me! One last thing - me!” She’s like an opera singer doing scales on crack. Jee walks out the door and Jun and Alison smirk and bump fists. Jun tells us it was a personal victory seeing Jee walk out of the house. Erika tells us from a strictly strategic standpoint, she’s glad he’s gone as he was a strong player. Robert: WAAAH!!! Jee’s gone!!! WAAAH!!! Why, now who will he talk to? Work out with? Vent his misogynistic spleen to? “But… but did he seem happy in his final days?” he sniffles to Jun, who’s - big shocker - making herself something to eat. She assures him Jee’s at peace now in his new home and still loves them all very much, then confesses to him that it didn’t feel as good getting rid of her ex as she thought it would . She tells us she actually did feel kind of bad about it. For about 2.5 seconds - then she threw herself back into “New York girl game mode”! She’s all heart, that Jun.

We see the Head of Household competition rehashed in black and white. Robert yaps how important it was for him to win. Alison gets eliminated, then confesses to us that she wasn’t thinking. Why, she just wasn’t there! If only. Once again, Robert and Erika have the tiebreaker question of how many hours the exes have been in the house and have to come the closest to the correct answer without going over. The correct answer is 1434; Erika is six hours over with an answer of 1440, which means that Robert, with his answer of 800, wins on a technicality. This pissed me off because it’s not like this is The Price Is Right, and I hate seeing people who actually have a grasp of the question and the concept, as Erika did, lose out to someone who was WAY off base on some irrelevant technicality. I mean, she was only six hours over, while Robert was a full six HUNDRED under. The way I see it, if you demonstrate that you have a brain, which is becoming an increasingly rare commodity in our society, you should be rewarded, not punished - it should have been closest answer period. Anyway. “The Dream Team is still alive! I knew we needed to do this and we did it! I dedicate this to Justin and Jee! I wouldn’t be here without them!” Robert crows in the Diary Room, then is handed a telegram. “Dear Robert: You won on a TECHNICALITY, so shut the hell up. Sincerely, The Little People Who Make It All Possible.”

Jun tells us this has been a crazy game with the balance of power flipping wildly from week to week. I’ll cosign that - the likeability quotient of the HouseGuests this year has been abysmal, but the game itself has been wildly unpredictable. Heck, although my favorites have stayed pretty consistent, even the HouseGuests who piss me off the most flipflop at any given moment. If they could have thrown in more hardcore gameplayers who were actually likeable, this could have been an excellent season. I really wonder how things would have been different had Brandon not been disqualified.

Alison: What does Robert winning Head of Household mean for ME?!? She and Jun agree they’re the two most likely nominees; Alison reminds us there’s always Power of Veto to consider. Robert pours himself a Diet Coke in triumph in the kitchen while Alison corners Erika and asks her if she has a deal with Robert. She denies it; Alison tells her she believes her. If Nick from Meet My Folks were to show up just then and hook them up to a polygraph, it would probably explode. Erika tells us she was disappointed in herself more than anything; I still maintain that being within six hours of the correct answer is nothing to sneeze at. She tells Alison she did her best, but she guesses her best wasn’t good enough. I sense a song coming on. Erika confesses to us that she thinks she’s safe, but the veto could change everything. Meanwhile, in the hallway, Robert stares at the Memory Wall and fondles Jee and Justin’s pictures lovingly. He walks around the house with them, telling them how much they mean to him. He puts them each at a place setting at the kitchen table and has a tea party. “One lump or two, Jee? Two it is! And you, Justin?” He then heads to the Head of Household Room to go to sleep, tucking them under his pillow and telling them he’ll see them in the morning!

OK, so no. He just puts them back on the shelf and walks away. But let’s put it this way - I wouldn’t be surprised in the least.