Big Brother 4, September 5: Trust Is A Four-Letter Word

With that little bit of mawkish sentimentality out of the way, the show finally descends into the gleefully backstabbing free-for-all it’s been threatening to become since day one. In the kitchen, Robert tells Erika they have to win the veto, then they exit as Jun and Alison enter. “I came so close!” laughs Erika to Robert in frustration. “I hate her!” hisses Jun to Alison in the kitchen. Jun tells us that the Angels were three very strong but very sneaky women who were working together to get Robert out of the house; now that that objective’s out the window, so is their alliance. “She’s like an evil fake bitch!” she hisses to Alison. Considering who is telling this to whom, I think this may be the first time in history that the pot, the kettle, and the glass house all spontaneously combust. Next, with Jun by herself in the bedroom, Alison races to Erika in the living room to tell her Jun has all the votes sewn up and they need to make a pact to get her out! Erika agrees. But I mean, really, what else could anyone say at this point with the way things have shaken down? “It could get really freaking ugly in this house!” Alison brays to us in the Diary Room. “I’m really scared!” And this is before she sees her own reflection. Next, she races to the scoreboard on one of the doors and announces to Robert that she’s putting his name up in the Head of Household slot and he’s the man of the house! This is utterly fascinating. I seriously have not seen this much intensely focused, any-port-in-a-storm-to-save-my-skin behavior since Gina on Santa Barbara began virtually every scene by racing into the room and screeching, “Ya gotta help me!!!” at whoever was present.

Robert tells us that this week he is the man of the house, so he’s going to treat it like it’s his house! Oh great… even more nosepicking on the horizon, apparently. The standard Head of Household unveiling sequence ensues. He’s overwhelmed when he sees all the pictures of his daughter and a card reading, “I love you, Dad.” He starts crying as he reads a letter from his mom that answered every question he’s had about how things are going on the outside. He perks up a bit when he sees his CD of Cuban music; as that’s his heritage, it means a lot to him. Jun finds the white butterfly in a bouquet of flowers, which, if you’ll recall, is the symbol he and his daughter have for letting each other know how much they love each other when they’re apart. Then he finds the “Honey Bear,” a small brown stuffed bear. He tearfully tells us that that was his favorite thing that he got. Erika tells him she recognizes that bear! She explains to us that Robert had given her the bear originally when they were dating; when they broke up, she gave it back and he gave it to his daughter. On the surface, it would seem kind of odd that it got recycled like that, but thinking back to when I was that age, it’s possible his daughter always thought it was cute and so was happy to have it; kids don’t generally attach the same baggage to things like that that adults would. Robert tells us that he told his daughter the bear symbolizes how much he loves her, and Erika confesses to us that it took her back to that point in their relationship. She gives him a hug and asks him if he’s OK.

Jun snots to us that she wasn’t buying that Erika all of a sudden was playing the role of the girlfriend - being supportive, saying the bear reminded her of the bear he gave her… why, it makes her want to hurl! But, I mean, from what I can tell it’s the exact same bear. Furthermore, the guy’s crying over people that she also knows… I mean, what would Jun have her do, exactly? Being supportive doesn’t mean that she’s going to want to get back together or anything; it just means that she’s being a nice person. Actually, it struck me as one of the few organically caring interchanges I’ve seen in the house - I mean, sure it’ll help Erika strategically too, and I think she’s aware of that, but that seems more of an added benefit than the main goal. In short - shut up, Jun. Erika tells us she thinks there’s bound to be some serious asskissing going on now - as there always is! To illustrate the point, both wanting-to-hurl Jun and Alison give Robert big ol’ hugs in quick succession and gush how happy they are for him! Oy. Robert tells us this has given him a strength he needed but didn’t think was possible in the game.

Later that night, Robert asks Erika to come talk with him in the Head of Household Room. He tells us he’ll never fully trust Erika, but he thinks she’s his best bet at this point. He tells her that as weird as it sounds, when Jee walked out, he realized that the only person he really had left was Erika - so he wants to plan how the two of them can get to the finals. In the bathroom, Jun once again starts up with a hissing chorus of “I hate her! I hate her!” Not to be outdone, Alison snits, “I F**KING hate her!” with a mouthful of toothpaste - she hates her that f**king much! Man, when Alison said things were going to be ugly in the house she wasn’t whistling “Dixie.” She spits - always a first - then the two of them cackle about how Erika must be going down on Robert in there! Alison bitches to us that it’s pathetic how Robert has been kissing Erika’s ass lately - asking her on dates, etc. She thinks it’s all fake and Erika’s stupid enough to fall for it! Which is, of course, why Erika confessed to us that she would never go out with Robert again in a previous episode. In the Hallway of Harpies, Jun snits, “F**king jackass!” Alison sees her rant and raises her a “She’s a f**cking traitor! F**king slut bitch! I’m pissed!” “She f**king played us!” rails Jun. Because, you know, the two of them have been the co-captains of the good ship S.S. Loyalty and Full Disclosure all season. “She’s never getting my vote!” declares Alison as she stomps off. Jun confesses to us that she and Alison were pissed that Erika was “starting the campaign trail so soon.” So that’s what my medulla oblongata looks like! It’s amazing the things you can see when your eyeballs are rolled that far back into your head.

Back in the Head of Household Room, Robert tells Erika that he wants Alison out this week, then he’ll choose Erika to go to the finals if he wins Head of Household next week as well. Although he knows it’s probably not supposed to be this way, he wants it to be about who deserves the money - and he feels like she does because she won the hardest Head of Household competition and put up with him being there. Erika tells us that she’s the only person Robert has left in the house; as a result, he has to trust her more than she has to trust him. Just then there’s a knock at the door; it’s Alison to say goodnight. “You don’t want to talk to the headmaster?” Erika inquires. Alison tells her just to get her whenever she’s done. “I hope Erika was just talking in there because if she ever hooked back up again with Robert, I’d probably vomit!” Alison laughs to us in the Diary Room. I’m always kind of alarmed when Alison and I agree on something.