Big Brother 4, September 5: Trust Is A Four-Letter Word

Jun and Alison commence Round 349 of Erika-bashing in the bedroom. She should just sleep in the Head of Household Room, she makes them sick, they don’t want her in there, they f**king despise her, yadda yadda. “She’s going to try to turn this whole f**king place upside down!” Alison rails. And that would be different from what you keep crowing to us that you’re going to do how exactly, Ms. Self-Proclaimed Fungus? Meanwhile, Robert tells Erika getting rid of Alison is the only way they can win anything. She tells him she needs to sleep on it. She tells us if she had her druthers, she’d rather Robert targeted Jun, as she thinks both Robert and Alison would take her to the finals. The problem is, she’s not sure how honest Robert is being with her - she’d like to believe him, but he’s lied a lot in this game. “Trust, in the Big Brother house, is a four-letter word,” she concludes.

Later, Jun gives Robert a massage. He tells us she’s been doing this a lot lately, she’s quite good at it, and he thinks she likes it because she gets to sit on him and have all kinds of physical contact and it turns her on! In one of the best moments of the season - or any season - Jun looks directly at the camera as she massages his back and rolls her eyes. She’s practically in hysterics as she laughs to us that there is no way in the world that these massages are sexual or turn her on in any way, shape, or form - maybe if it were someone else, but Robert?!? Hee!

Meanwhile, Erika and Alison are having a makeup session out on the patio. Erika tells us that she likes doing makeup - both her own and other people’s. Alison observes and asks questions about her technique. She tells us that doing girly stuff like this has helped her bond with Erika. Erika tells us Alison is like her little sister and a good kid. Wow, she’s going to feel stupid when she eventually gets out and sees the rest of this episode. Alison chortles to us in the Diary Room that she’s purposely playing the dumb little sister with Erika- she already knows all the tips and tricks; she’s just trying to make Erika feel smarter than she really is so she’ll take Alison under her wing and look out for her! I am convinced that this girl could find a “strategic” way to butter a slice of toast. Proving that she might not be as oblivious as it seems, Erika tells us she finds it odd that Alison wouldn’t know this stuff already given the number of pageants she’s been in. Alison chortles to us that her strategy’s working good - until she gets Erika out next week! Doesn’t she have an “off” switch?

Blaring Mexican music takes us out to the backyard, where Big Brother has left the HouseGuests piñatas to decorate for the food competition. The other HouseGuests squeal in delight, but Robert is sullen. He tells us all the arts and crafts materials only reminded him of his daughter and made it painful for him. Alison asks him where he’s going as he goes back in the house; he tells them he’s just going to leave his white. Jun asks Erika what in the world is up with her ex. Erika tells us Robert is just a very moody person and she’s not quite sure what’s wrong. He tells us he’s spent the entire summer without his daughter and now it’s September and she’s back in school - how is he supposed to enjoy himself doing an art project when it just reminds him of how much she loves art projects? He explains this to Jun in the kitchen; she mumbles she understands as she’s completely engrossed with making dinner. He tells us he decided to go back out there and decorate the piñata for his daughter as he didn’t want her to see him being a poor sport! Awwww.

Except it’s a load of crap. The piñata decorating was done before evictions, and according to the live feed recaps, the real reason Robert stomped off is that he didn’t think he was even going to be around, so why bother? His real motivation for going back out there and doing it wasn’t his daughter, but a “do it or else” stern talking-to from Big Brother. So this whole sequence is just basically a blatantly emotionally manipulative whitewash to make Robert appear more sympathetic and likeable again to the TV viewers now that there’s an increased possibility he could be the winner. And honestly, Alison and to some extent Jun are behaving obnoxiously enough in this episode that it’s really not necessary. Let me make this perfectly clear: Robert missing his daughter? Not crap. I’ve never doubted for one moment that Robert really loves his little girl; it’s his primary, if not only, redeeming quality. That this was the primary motivation behind his little episode here? Pure crap.

Alison beams to us that she turned her boy piñata into a Native American because her boyfriend Donnie’s Native American! She put his jersey number on his headdress (complete with feathers) and gave him an axe with a scalp because he’ll probably want to scalp her when she gets home! Well, gee, that’s not stereotypical or offensive at all. I shudder to think what Alison’s piñata of me would have been like. Most likely I would have been depicted in all pink holding a Judy Garland CD. It also has a big “I LOVE U” on the back! The back someone’s about to SMASH OPEN, that is.

Erika, meanwhile, made her dog piñata look like her dog Joey. Jun has a star piñata. On one side, she made a pastel foofy gingham print to represent “girly” Jun; the other side says “NY” in big letters to express her renewed love for her city. Robert winds up putting two smiley faces on either side of a star piñata; he confesses to us that he only spent about three minutes on it compared to the four to five hours the others put into theirs. This apparently isn’t lost on Jun, who tells us Robert’s “fugly” piñata needs to be broken first because it’s absolutely hideous.

Robert hand the women bags and tells them they have five minutes to get changed into the outfits inside and meet him at the kitchen door. The girls get what look to be traditional Mexican outfits. Alison’s looks cute on her; Jun’s doesn’t look bad either, but poor Erika is saddled with this blue-and-white schmatte that makes her look like a doily that’s seen better days. Erika quite understandably laments to us that she hates her outfit. “Look at this top!” she exclaims, and the shoulders are so huge and pointy she looks like she’s getting ready to be an angel in a Christmas pageant.