The Family Finale: Heartbreaking or Heartwarming? You Decide

Here we go to the final episode of The Family on ABC. Just a quick note to those who may have come into this show a little late: ABC Family will be running a full season marathon of all nine episodes this Saturday afternoon starting at 1:00 pm.

And onto the viewer mail trail…

Someone wanted my thoughts of Boy Meets Boy, and all I have to say is go here and it will make sense of Episode Five for you. I know it helped me tremendously.

A few people wrote in agreement to my statement that if Cousin Mike doesn't win the final competition, then the actual use of the Board of Trustees, while novel, doesn't really mean so much in the end. Technically, the Board didn't do anything other than offer up their choice to go for the top prize instead of actually making the decision themselves as to who would win the money. If this were the case, then Dawn Marie and Mike would have been the finalists instead of the family member being randomly returned to the game.

As for who gets returned to the game, most people are betting on Uncle Michael weaseling his way back into the game and ultimately pulling out a win in the end which would break many people's hearts. I'm not counting out selecting Dawn Marie as well since she has really come across as a competitor who will pull out all the stops when the chips are down, although Uncle Michael may seem like the more logical shot. I don't think that Robert should come back into the game given all that he has already won, but I assure you that some deal making will be done in terms of sharing the money.

The answer to last week's Bonus Points question as to the origin of the line, "I love you more than my luggage," is that it does indeed come from the movie Steel Magnolias, with the lovely Michelle Cook beating out Karla Rosenbusch by a whopping fourteen seconds. Michelle's prize… well, there are no prizes when I give out bonus points yet, but you can collect them and trade them in for a souvenir mug!

Finally, some people didn't feel I was hard enough on Aunt Donna and Cousin Anthony for their behavior following the revealing of the Board of Trustees. In rereading my recap, I can see where I went light on them and Dawn Marie, so I allowed one reader the opportunity to vent for a bit. As she wants to remain anonymous, we'll call her Shaniqua Yubangi. Here's what she had to say:

Well, pretty much what I had said in my original email to you regarding Aunt Donna and Anthony and Uncle Michael. They've all behaved horribly almost the whole time to the staff and to each other. Depending on the outcome ("heartbreak" doesn't bode well for Cousin Mike), I really do not believe that either Aunt Donna or Uncle Michael would give Cousin Mike a dime and that makes their treatment of him as an outsider only in it for himself all the more despicable.

Dawn Marie is the emotional equivalent of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride (to borrow from Cheers) and although I have to give her all the props in the world for doing that tower thing, it was only a small bit of gaining back any respect for herself because she has complained, whined, bitched, moaned and cried from Episode 1 throughout the show. Even though I understand her emotional fragility myself, I found it difficult to sympathize with her when she was breaking down every single episode over something. I'll be pretty heartbroken indeed if Cousin Mike doesn't win. Just as I was when stupid talentless, Dat Phan won over at least 4 better comics on Last Comic Standing. But that's all my 2 cents.

So with that…let's hit the show and the recap trail!

Previously on The Family: Aunt Donna had been shot while saving Cousin Ed from the malicious attacks of Dawn Marie, who was under the influence of Cousin Jill, who hypnotized her to take her down. Meanwhile, Cousin Mike was racing across town with the liver transplant for Uncle Michael in the trunk of his car when he was carjacked by Cousin Anthony, who was determined to let his father die so the controlling shares of their urinal puck business would fall into his hands. Little did Anthony know that if Uncle Michael dies, the shares wouldn't go to him - they'd go to Cousin Maria! But they needed to act quickly, because Robert and Melinda were about to tie the knot - and they didn't know they were brother and sister!

OK, seriously now… last week Cousins Ed and Dawn Marie were eliminated, leaving "outsider" Cousin Mike in the finals. The board was revealed and Aunt Donna and Cousin Anthony were pissed off and rather vocal about it, which may earn them a nomination in the Reality TV Hall of Shame for that one moment for an extreme showing of poor sportsmanship (especially Aunt Donna's comment about how all they know is how to make a bed and set a table). Now the family is gathering to decide or start to form opinions of how they want to proceed in the game now that they have to put a family member back in to go up against Mike.

Let me say this again (since I'm writing this first portion well ahead of actually seeing the show so I don't know the results at this point), I don't think that this episode should be taking place. It totally invalidates the purpose of the Board to not allow them to select the ultimate winner. All they are choosing is a player to compete in the finals. I have to wonder if they knew that this round was coming up and that weighed in their selection of who they thought could and would win the money. Personally, if any of the board members are in fact reading this (Jill, you live in NYC; let's do lunch! Linda, I worship you; Franck, teach me to cook; Ringo, I have no manners - help me; Andrew, a pot of Lapsang Souchong or Earl Grey and your company would be delightful), I would KILL to know what you were going through in your deliberations.