Big Brother 4, September 19: I Remember Nausea

“Alison snuggled up with just about every man in the house!” declares Jee; he questions why, if she supposedly loves Donnie so much, is she jumping in bed with every guy in the house and giving them kisses? Donnie probably would like to hear that answer as well - if he’s even talking to her at all at this point. We see clips of Alison kissing Justin and snuggling in bed with David and Nathan. Jack tells us Alison had some “nice touchy feely smacky lippy spit swapping moments” with Nate. Heh. We see the two of them in bed together kissing (“Let’s hide!” he says as he pulls the covers over their head) and having dinner together in the backyard (I’m gonna git yew drunk!” he chortles). Justin calls Alison out on trying to seduce him as she crawls between his legs in the hot tub. You know what’s even squickier than the Alison: Black Widow Of Big Brother 4 Montage? Picturing her parents watching it and beaming, “Yup, she’s using her assets!” Jack gets the last word in by saying that Alison had fun with all the guys in the house - except him! I certainly hope he’s looking upon that as a positive thing.

Jack and Jee start yakking about twists and we once again see Jee illustrate Things Not To Do On Big Brother as he accepts the PB&J Condemning Golden Power of Veto. Jee tells us that that was the biggest twist in the game to him, although he refers to it as that he “had to take that deal from Julie.” Somehow, the other HouseGuests didn’t feel similarly obligated or pressured. Once again, the HouseGuests are disgusted at the news and Robert kicks cushions around. Jack tells us the feeling in the house was, “OK, Jee - you can take this veto now, but you’ll be gone in a week” - and sure enough, he was! Back around the kitchen table, Jee looks rather sheepish and Erika reads off her cue card that the veto changed everything this year. Dana, never one to pass up an opportunity to harp on the topic, shares that she almost shed a tear when she had to put David on the block because Nathan vetoed Alison. She’ll probably still be bitching about it in the nursing home. As the next stop on the Grinding The Ax With Dana Tour, she tells us, “Alison should have been out Week 3; the fact that Alison is still in the house - I truly, wholeheartedly blame that on Nathan.” On the one hand - Dana? Let. It. Go. On the other? Yeah - damn you, Nathan! What would this game have been like if Alison had gone that week and Dave had stayed? The mind reels.

We’re hitting the Wrapping It Up Final Summarizing Thoughts segment as Dana tells the group that being a big fan of the show and having watched the previous seasons, you underestimate just how difficult the game is and what a mental and psychological game it is. Jack says he thinks they’d all do it again. “NO!” Erika quickly laughs. Justin provides us with some unintentional guffaws when he tells the group that he thinks that even the final two would agree that what’s even more important than the $500,000 is the connections and friendships they’ve made. Er - he does know who the final two are, right? The editors, on the ball as usual, show slo-mo footage of Alison and Jun cackling, dancing, and gloating throughout Justin’s whole little epiphany. The jury members all toast to their experience.

A series of shots of the jury members packing follows. Jury members to us: Yak yak difficult decision handing over $500,000 want right person to win considering everything not letting emotions interfere can’t forget final two made it further than them. They file out of the jury house and Jee, as the last one, closes the door and chirps, “Later!” Er… where are they going, exactly, this early? And does this mean Robert never made it down there? Oh, I give up.

Alison squeals as she enters the storage room and sees her Head of Household goodies (they apparently didn’t bother putting them in the actual room, although whether that’s because it’s the final Head of Household in general or because it’s Alison specifically is anyone’s guess); among other things she gets elephant slippers and a photo of her parents. She starts up with the melodramatic sobs as she reads a letter from her mom that says that she talks to Donnie all the time and he’s doing fine. Jun tells us that she feels like she has a better than 50/50 chance of winning because she thinks she has an advantage over Alison. Alison says that she and Jun both have exes, friends, and enemies on the jury, so it’s a tough call. Jun feels good about leaving it in the jury’s hands; Alison knows she’s guaranteed $50,000 but she’s wishing and hoping and thinking and praying that it’s $500,000! Jun tells us the best move she ever made was making an alliance with Alison because now they’re both in the final two and it’s their house! Alison and Jun both agree, however, that they’d gladly give up any amount of money for the wonderful experiences they’ve had and friendships they’ve made there.

Whoa! I was just kidding about that last part! Didn’t mean to make you choke on your Coke, there!

Stock Booming Melodramatic Announcer #38 promises that Wednesday’s final live episode will be ONE INCREDIBLE NIGHT OF LIVE, HEARTSTOPPING THRILLS! Oh, cram it - unless they’ve decided to go all The Most Dangerous Game and give the jury guns with which to hunt Jun and Alison down in the backyard, it’s just basically going to be a bunch of people sitting and yakking. First, the jury returns to confront the final two and cast their votes! Then they’ll watch “THE ENTIRE SEASON!” and call each other out in a “NO HOLDS BARRED FREE-FOR-ALL!” Then, the jury’s votes and the winner of Big Brother 4 are revealed! All this is supposedly happening in one hour of live television, mind you.

So who do I want to win? It’s probably not much of a shock to you, but at this point, I’m hoping it will be…

David
Jack
Erika
Mime
My dry cleaner
Random stranger
Stacey Q
Attila the Hun
Ivan the Terrible
Vlad the Impaler
Robert
Jun

I explain my reasoning in detail in our upcoming RNO Big Brother 4 roundtable article.

Like I said, this is my last recap of the season, and honestly, I’ve spent the bulk of the summer recapping two shows and doing Assistant Editor duties here and having a full-time job on top of it. Therefore, at this point, while I may contribute an occasional column here and there, I’m taking a lengthy and well-deserved break from having a regular column or covering a show. Thanks to everyone who wrote in with compliments and your views on the season - I greatly appreciated it. In the meantime, while I may not be writing regularly for a while, you can still email me if you have any questions for me or want to know my take on any of these shows. And always remember - if you read the phrase “Jun/Alison” aloud, it sounds like you’re invoking the name of the spokeswoman for Depends Undergarments.

Take care!

Brian James is an actor/writer/singer in New York City and the Assistant Editor of RealityNewsOnline. An avid reality show, Passions, early Ryan’s Hope, retro music, and Internet discussion board junkie, Brian would like to stress that his writings are based solely on what he sees in each episode of each show and he realizes there may sometimes be more to the story and that people may behave quite differently under normal circumstances. Comments and cybertomatoes accepted at BrianJamesRNO@earthlink.net.

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