High School Reunion 3, Episode 1: Reacquainted, Reunited, and Reignited

Ahh, high school. I remember it clearly. The classes, the friendships, the awful food, the redheaded guy who always bothered me, the fact that I never had a date for the prom, the awful food, the kindhearted faculty members, the stonehearted faculty members, the awful food…

Yes, some of my high school memories are pleasant and meant to be cherished. Unfortunately, I can’t just dump all the bad memories into a paper bag and toss it in the trash can (my locker). Of course, I’m not the only one.

Enter the Cardinal Gibbons High School Class of 1994. Throughout this season of High School Reunion, we will meet seventeen of the classmates. Tonight, the first dozen grace the tropical mansion. Let’s take a look:

• Nikol – The Good Girl: In high school, she had a long love affair with Jim, the linebacker. So many cute memories, so many cute photographs, so many reasons to hate myself for my own pathetic love life *sniff*… but I digress. Now a model and a clinical esthetician, she hopes she can learn more about Jim and why he broke up the relationship.
• John – The Loud Mouth: He was the one always doing this, saying that, desperate for attention. My kind of guy! He now works in golf sales. When he meets up with Nikol, she remembers him as being obnoxious. In other words, he succeeded in getting attention.
• Nikki – The Head Cheerleader: Her high school life wasn’t the best. She recalls her boyfriend, who she says always cheated on her and such. That relationship is thankfully over. She is an actress and shoe model now, and she’s participating in the reunion to prove she is no longer the weak girl she was when she was dating Captain Butthole.
• Jim – The Jock: He’s the Jim that Nikol was reminiscing about. When he enters the area where the other classmates are, we’re treated with a cheesy slo-mo scene between him and Nikol. He talks about seeing her again, she talks about seeing him again, yadda yadda yadda. I’ve never been a big fan of these mushy sequences, so let’s get to something nastier…
• Jen – The Predator: She was that girl who was always trying to steal other girls’ boyfriends. Jen would hunt down any man she was interested in, and once she got him, it wasn’t long before she was into someone else. Nowadays, she is a social worker. The other girls are definitely not in high spirits to see her again. Nikol declares her presence “not good,” and Nikki says Jen is “silent, but deadly.” So, she’s a fart? I guess that’s an accurate description.
• Brian A. – The Meathead: He was your average high school bully. He picked on everyone, including the blind girl (BOO!). Anyway, his current occupation is listed as “Student/Real Estate.” He says he is a lot nicer now and not as much of a jerk. That’s good.
• Gianni – The Basketball Star: He recalls his position on the basketball team, being 7 feet tall (which makes little old 6’7” me feel bad), and his crazy, jealous girlfriend Jaime. Looks like Nikki and Gianni may be fighting for the title of “Worst High School Lover.” Anyway, Gianni is now a professional basketball player in Europe. The classmates are thrilled to see the man they all looked up to, literally.
• Jaime – The Obsessed Ex: Yep. SHE is the crazy, jealous girlfriend Gianni was talking about! She is now a medical assistant. When she arrives, Gianni is automatically uncomfortable. He was hoping she wasn’t going to be there. To quote a popular ‘90s adage, “As if!” You really think the producers of this show would pass an opportunity for juicy TV like this? Jaime tells Gianni, “You’re obligated to be nice to me!” They talk a bit more, then Gianni mentions getting another drink.
• Loretta – The Dream Girl: She was hot, carefree, hot, fun-seeking, and hot in high school. She’s still hot today. Her occupation is listed as “Project Manager.” So if she wins the task, she’ll be exempt from… oops, wrong show. She came to the reunion, looking for a possible new love interest among her old acquaintances. Gianni has always harbored a crush on Loretta. Jaime, ever the crazy, jealous type, says Loretta is “lucky she didn’t knock her out.” Break out the popcorn and soda. This is going to get goooooooood!
• Eze – The Shy Guy: He was the kid who never stood out much, never looking for trouble. He’s now a technical director for a racing company. Boasting a bit more confidence than his high school days, he’s hoping to start a relationship with Nikol if she’s available. By the way, his name is pronounced “Easy,” which his attempts to get Nikol’s attention aren’t going to be.
• Brien M. – The Rebel: He was rebellious, alright. He had long hair, just like every other rebel. He had multiple piercings, just like every other rebel. He was apparently kicked out of school, just like every other rebel. Today, he’s a real estate developer with a shaved head, and he’s looking for the right girl for him. So much for the “rebel.”
• Carin – The Fat Girl: Memories of high school aren’t easy for her. She was obese, and was constantly tormented by other students. Since graduation, she has had gastric bypass surgery and has lost over 100 pounds. She now works as an actress and personal assistant. When she enters the area all the other classmates are at, everyone is simply shocked to see her. John asks himself, “What happened?”

With our dazed and confused dozen introduced to us, Nikki chimes in to predict that this reunion will have drama, controversy, and love affairs brewing up. To quote another popular ‘90s adage, “No duh!”