Growing Up Gotti, Season 2, Episode 1: They’re Baaaack

Welcome back, readers! It’s time for another season, though the first season just ended a month or so ago. Ah well, it’s time to see what those incorrigible Gottis are up to. We open with Gotti family home movies. Wow, Frankie is absolutely adorable as a little boy! The three of them look angelic. Heh. Flash forward a decade or so and the boys are pestering Victoria to let them go to the Hamptons with Brian, otherwise known as Quack Quack. If you remember, Quack Quack is the one who watched the boys last season when they went to Miami. He couldn’t seem to keep control of them and Victoria was there! But maybe he’s turned over a new leaf. Right. Anyway, Victoria questions the responsibility factor of Quack Quack and John says that he’s a responsible adult. Flash to Quack Quack at a strip club, putting a single in a girl’s underwear and sitting with Victoria’s oldest son, Carmine. Well, at least it was as single and not pocket change or anything. Victoria says that if the boys behave for the next week, they can go. Wow! That’s not really asking for too much, even from these boys.

But apparently, for right now, the boys’ trip is the least of Victoria’s worries. A family of geese is using the yard as a toilet and she’s hired Luigi to clean it up for $100. Luigi tells his subcontractor, John, that he has to do it. John refuses. Shocking. Luigi is following one of the geese around, muttering to himself about getting rid of it. The goose is walking away as Luigi says (in the same tone Pamela used to sell ice cream on The Apprentice 2), “That goose is too fast for me.” Yes, it is scuttling along at a snail’s pace while Luigi smokes his cigarette.

Victoria now tells us that the boys have behaved all week, which pretty much just freaks her out. We see scenes of the boys reading and cleaning the car, actually being quiet. So, they’re allowed to go to the Hamptons with a bunch of their friends and Quack Quack as the only chaperone. Surely everything will be fine! Well, it’s Friday night and Carmine tells Victoria that they’re leaving that night. Victoria, however, tells him that they’re going the next day. Carmine is ticked off, telling Victoria that he has to come home early on Sunday morning so it makes no sense to go on Saturday morning and just go to the Hamptons for one day. I see his point, but if I were 18 and allowed to go off with basically no supervision ANYWHERE, I’d take what I could get. Well, Victoria nips that in the bud anyway and calls Quack Quack. She tells him that they’re leaving Saturday morning, she’ll see him at 10 a.m., and that’s the end of that.

Commercial! Let’s see what’s up on The Bachelorette... Boo! Commercial – figures. Oh well, I’m taping it on another TV anyway. I can’t be missing the tale of my favorite bachelorette. Am I the only one who hopes Andrew Firestone shows up to sweep her off her feet? I mean, okay, I don’t know the whole story, but they were so cute together on the show – the bowling, the piggybacking, etc. – that it’d just be nice to see them end up together. Okay, back to the Gottis.

The boys are up Saturday at 6:15 a.m. Frankie’s packing the car with a couple of friends, getting ready to go, but Victoria has told them that they’re to wait until Quack Quack gets there till they can leave for the Hamptons. So, of course, they all take off without Quack Quack while Victoria is still asleep. When Quack Quack shows up, only John is still there, washing his car.

Ewww, there really are a lot of goose droppings on the driveway and yard. Gross! Luigi goes up to the geese and yells, “Shoo!” The geese fly away and Luigi retires for the day, satisfied with a job well done. Oh boy.

Quack Quack, who has been instructed by a worried Victoria to head straight to the Hamptons without stopping, stops for lunch with John and John’s friend. While they’re eating, they spot a cute girl in a tight pink tank top. Well, apparently she’s cute – I don’t know because her face is blurred out. Anyway, Quack Quack gets her number, but it turns out that she’s only 17! That’s right – she’s half Quack Quack’s age! Well, he assures John that he can’t call her because she’s John’s age. That’s good. When they take off for the Hamptons – finally – John and his buddy take off in their car, leaving Quack Quack behind. And very lost.

Well, Quack Quack finally finds the house. The boys meanwhile are getting ready to play football. They’re deciding to play tackle football, basically so they can hit Quack Quack. We’re treated to a montage of shots of Quack Quack getting leveled. He’s getting pretty annoyed, and pushes Carmine after one rough tackle.

Back to Luigi and the goose. He’s following another goose, saying, “C’mon, ducky, shoo.” But then he realizes the poor goose is hurt. His wing is bent and Luigi figures he’ll call a veterinarian. I hope he does – that looks painful.

Victoria, stressed by the geese and the boys in the Hamptons, heads off for a massage. Oh, that looks nice. I’d love a massage right now. She’s telling her friend Susan and her masseurs about how worried she is about the boys. I don’t know if all the talking is going to help her relax.

In the Hamptons, one of the boys’ friends says that the Jets suck and gets thrown in the pool. And we’re treated to a shot of his bare butt. Lovely.

Victoria is still stressing about the Hamptons trip during her massage. Susan is trying to calm her down, saying that the boys won’t get into any girl trouble because the boys are too young to get into any clubs. Victoria knows better and tells her that that’s exactly what they’re trying to do. Foreshadowing, perhaps?

And what are the boys up to right this very second? Why, they’re making plans to go to a club. Frankie wants to go, but John is trying to talk him out of it because if Frankie tries to get in, then they’ll all get caught. The boys start jawing back and forth, then start fighting. Frankie may be younger, but he’s bigger than John and definitely holds his own. Their friends are trying to pull them apart and eventually succeed. John calls Victoria and tells her that he and Frankie got in a fight and then tells her it was because Frankie wants to try and get into the club with them. I’m not sure why he told her, but anyway, Victoria demands to talk to Quack Quack. She tells him that there’s no way any of them are going to a club. She’s stressed about the fight and says she should be there to keep an eye on the boys, especially now that John is all worked up. Apparently, when he “gets like this,” chances are he’ll do something stupid. While she’s saying this, we see John get on one of those pocketbikes – and right after he takes off out of the frame, we hear a crash and see his friends run after him. Uh oh. And what pops up on the screen? That’s right – “To Be Continued...” Luckily, there’s not much suspense because the next episode starts right now – and you can click here to read all about it!

Joan is an editor in Boston. This week her only worry is how the Patriots will do against the Colts. If you want to discuss it, or any reality show, email her at Joanie1835@hotmail.com. Go Pats!

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