The Surreal Life 4, Episode 2: Kiddy City

Since Miss Mel is in busy right now, it is I, Phil Kural, who will be your recapper for this and next week. I know, I know – I could never match the wit and snark of Miss Mel, but I'm ready to give it the good ol' college try!

As I'm sure you remember, last week’s Surreal Life was the premiere, so it was moving in day! Joanie, who I'm only going to refer to as Chyna, decided to take Verne's room. This didn't sit well with Verne, who refused to compromise on his space. Adrianne and Jane showed they have an adventurous side by going skinny dipping, while Verne showed he is a loud drunk, by overindulging on the liquor, then wailing and screaming as he lay in bead. To kick it all off, he stripped down to his birthday suit, hoisted himself onto his Jazzy, and peed in the corner of the hallway. Da Brat made it quite clear she was confused, and thought she was in a nuthouse. I have a feeling this is only the beginning of her confused state.

It's 7:30 a.m. at the Surreal Life house, and Chris and Adrianne are talking about last night’s festivities. Everyone gathers around the table and when Verne joins the group, they decide to say something to him. Verne admits that he was trashed, but Jane can't believe the pissing story when she hears it. All this doesn't seem to bother Verne though, who oddly seems sort of proud of it all. Chris is hoping that Verne grows on him, otherwise, he'll have to drown him. Verne once again tells the camera that he has no idea what happened last night, and has only heard rumors. Ugh, I know that feeling.

The Surreal Times arrives, and Adrianne is the first to see it. She finds a bunch of toys as well and is thrilled knowing that they are going to work with kids. She reads the paper to the rest of the cast, which reveals that the crew will be watching 10 pre-school kids for four hours. Each child is worth $100 in charity, so if they stay for the whole four hours, without wanting to go home, the crew wins the money. Verne is already terrified, since he has an effect of scaring kids.

The first kid, William, arrives. He's followed by two twin girls, and then Nicholas. Wil and Ryan are next, then comes Kaleigh. Chris tells the camera that he has issues with kids, as Sage & Skye, siblings, arrive. One little girl is already scared of Verne and begins to cry, as Lucy arrives last and the chaos begins. Adrianne says that most of the cast made it quite clear they aren't big into kids, and Chyna reiterates that to the camera. Verne enters the room of children, and Nicholas tells him that he looks like Mini-Me. Verne insists that he is, but the kids don't believe him.

Jane sees the kids gambling, and instead of stopping it, she jokingly offers them cocktails. She then urges them to eat sugar and get hyper. Why wasn't Jane my mom? Da Brat notices that poor little Wil is crying, not to mention the fact that he's chanting "Oompa." Brat has no clue what he's talking about, and tries to waltz away.

Most of the kids at this point are running around and yelling. Wil is still crying "Oompa," so Brat lets Adrianne know. Adrianne, at this point, is having fun, but is getting frustrated since nobody is helping her. She has a talk with Wil and also says that when things go wrong, the rest of the cast is blaming her. Chris just wants Adrianne to slow down, as we see Adrianne call Wil's grandfather, a.k.a. "Oompa," to come and get him. In comes Oompa, and out goes Wil. That's $100 lost so far.

Jane finds some of the girls in her makeup, and they tell her they need makeovers. Is this what our society is teaching little girls right from the beginning? Next thing you know, they are going to tell her they applied for The Swan!

Jane takes her makeup and paints the little girls’ faces like zoo animals. That's a bit more appropriate than a makeover, if you ask me. Meanwhile, Adrianne is comforting Skye, who is screaming for her "Mommy." Adrianne is worried because Sage is Skye's brother, and if they lose her, they lose him too. All the milk in the world won't calm down Skye though, and off she goes, along with Sage. That's another $200 down the tube.