Caesars 24/7, Episode 4: Fools’ Night Out

Tonight’s episode of Caesars 24/7 opens with a few teasers of the show ahead. Nipple piercing, a substitute Shadow Dancer, and even more failed pickups! Who can resist that? Let’s go!

The host of our first story is floor supervisor (in the casino) Gary Shanks. He tells us that a lot of friends come in to gamble and it’s not about the money, it’s about the dares and the challenges. To prove his point, we see some old-enough-to-know-better blonde babes and a nerdy guy they just met, and they’re licking each other’s tattoos. Yuck! Next!!

Next up is one of our featured groups, three friends who have decided on a game of what I call “extreme blackjack.” Whoever loses $100 at blackjack first will have to perform a dare. If Korby loses she will get a nipple pierced. If Michael loses, he will get his chest waxed, and t’other dude has to do something unspecified in a Speedo. They find an empty table and start to play. An empty table is always preferable – there’s room for the camera guys to move around, and fewer waivers are required.

At any rate, Michael loses his chips first. Korby makes a side bet (same stakes), hits a bad run of cards and loses her chips next. “Ouch!” says supervisor Gary. “Never make a bet unless you’re willing to pay up.”

And pay up they do. The trio walks the first loser, Michael to one of the many convenient spas at Caesars Palace. I bet Michael wishes they were way harder to find. Before we can find out just how painful it is, it’s time to switch stories.

Also in town this week are the attendees of a Computer Convention. We focus on four lads, particularly self-confessed geek Nick. Nick is anxious to hook up with a girl in Sin City. Flower girl Calina Heavner says, “Guys are always talking to girls in Las Vegas, trying to hook up. Guys are always asking my advice, but no matter how much help I give them, they’re usually totally clueless. And I think these four guys are in that category.” Ha! Honey, we’re ALL clueless!

After some detailed scouting of the prospects, the four of them pick out an available female… at the next table. Like, how hard was that? (And, how probable is it that the producers planted her there?) Nick volunteers to chat her up. Now, Nick got no game and needs to get his ears cleaned out because he doesn’t hear so great, but at least his buddies are pretty decent kibitzers. One says, “He’s probably telling her the truth, and she’s not interested. He’s saying, “I am an average, middle-aged, bald, white man, will you come home with me?” It’s going to be like an Ernest Goes To Camp movie.”

Turns out, they’re pretty much right. His use of French Canadian is alarmingly unimpressive to her. Maybe he should have tried a dialect from Marseille? Nick’s buddies finally conclude he needs more alcohol, less lighting, more lying, and more privacy. Trust me… wouldn’t help.

Time to shift scenes. We meet up with one of our series regulars, Pit Boss Joe, and his girlfriend Cheryl, who also works as a dealer at Caesars. Joe seems to think this week’s story is about him schmoozing the lady customers, but the real story is that it’s his 50th birthday and Cheryl has set up a surprise birthday party for him. All his old buds from the North Side of Chicago have come. The guys want to take Joe out alone, and Cheryl thinks a stripper is involved.

Back we go to the waxing salon, and Michael is getting the business. Tears are flowing freely – Michael is in pain and the other two can’t stop laughing. “I’m never, never doing this again,” Michael moans.

Despite protestations, Korby is hauled off to a tattoo parlor for her piercing. And sure enough (through much pixelation), we see/hear her nipple-piercing. Just as it’s about to happen, they tell her she doesn’t have to do it. But it’s too late to back out now, and accompanied by a scream of pain from Korby, the deed is done. Hey, I’m positive the scream was much longer and louder in the website preview! Alas, thanks to her “new best friend,” Korby will never get past an airport scanner again.

Between Michael and Korby, is this where the phrase, “Sore Losers” comes from?

Time to meet a new couple, Marco and his wife. We never get her name, so I’ll just call her “Mrs. M.” Marco has convinced Mrs. M he’s a good gambler, and they’ve come to Vegas because they’re almost out of money and need to recoup recent moving expenses. They plan to double their money. Well, why haven’t I thought of that? How can a plan that solid go wrong?

So Marco sits down at a poker table with his $1,600 and starts to play. In the real world, you know he’d be lucky to get 30 minutes out of that stack, but he begins to win. His stack of chips increases – he’s up $80, up $600, up $850 and up $1,490. Mrs. M is starting to get pretty excited by these great cards and this easy money, and you sure couldn’t call her “poker-faced.” But then Mrs. M proves her worth. As Marco steps out for a rest break, she scoops several of his chips into her handbag – a practice she keeps up all night.

We switch back to geeky Nick and his hapless pickup attempt. Nick decides to buy a rose from our flower girl, Calina Heavner. His target is underwhelmed. Sensing this, Nick takes the rose back and tosses it over his shoulder. Umm, no – never mind what she said, she actually liked the rose! She really wants that rose back, but Nick’s oblivious. His buddies surmise, “Maybe she’s wishing she’d stayed home with a good book… or, a bad book!”

Finally, after further prompting (“It’s not the rose’s fault!”) Nick retrieves her rose. But it’s getting late, and finally she sends him packing for good. Nick’s buddy concludes, “What he did wrong is, he was … himself.” That’s painfully true.