Rob and Amber Get Married: The Reality Fairy Tale Wedding

Rob and Amber fell in love on Survivor: All-Stars, while making many people hate them. Then they ran The Amazing Race, while making more people hate them and at the same time gaining fans. Now it’s time for this reality love story to come to its natural conclusion: a special two-hour TV show covering their wedding!

Remember that neither Rob nor Amber particularly liked each other when they first got together on All-Stars. They allied for strategy but won each other’s hearts and got engaged at the All-Stars finale when Amber won the million. After coming in second on the Race, they now have only four weeks to prepare for their wedding and make it happen. Why only four weeks? Because reality TV needs drama and tension, of course!

We begin with Rob and Amber arriving at Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas by helicopter. Out runs Colin Cowie, Oprah’s party planner, to greet them. Amber thinks if anybody can pull this off, it’s him; Rob thinks the two of them probably don’t go to the same bars, “if you know what I mean.” Yes, Rob, we know what you mean. Colin says this wedding will be the best he’s ever done, and it will occur right there at the Atlantis Resort.

To begin with, Colin tells them that they each need to come up with a couple surprises that will really touch each other and bring tears to their eyes. Rob tells us he’s trying not to insult Colin, but he’s out of his mind. Not quite sure why, but okay.

They sit down and Colin wants to know how many people will be attending. Amber says 500 and Colin almost has a heart attack. Rob says, “the bigger the better,” but Colin wants to cut it down to 200-something. Rob and Amber are not happy with that.

Amber wants to go with colors from the ocean, like teals and blues. Colin describes the party in three words: “fab [snap] u [snap] lous [snap].” Alrighty then. Amber and Colin discuss girlie wedding stuff some more while Rob looks on, absolutely not part of the discussion.

Until the topic of food is brought up. Rob says he’s been thinking about the food since an hour after he proposed. Rob wants steak, lobster (Colin can’t believe he wants “surf and turf”), pigs on a spit, sausages, ribs, pizza, etc. Amber says the reception is not a restaurant – Rob says they can get rid of the nonessentials, like soup and salad. Heh.

The three of them pick out an area for their outdoor reception, then move on to other areas as Rob drives their golf cart all over the resort – including places it really isn’t meant to go. Eventually, they pick a beach setting for the actual wedding – as Amber notes, they fell in love on the beach, so why not get married on a beach?

Rob and Amber return from the Bahamas and Amber’s sister and mom join her to go to the wedding dress maker, who happens to be her mom’s best friend. Colin is worried about a potential “wedding dress catastrophe” because he is used to working with the best designers in the world. You know, Colin, people get married every day without having the gowns designed special by some high-falutin big name. Get over it.

With the gown session out of the way, it’s time to cut the wedding list. I know from experience that this can be the most difficult part of a wedding. Rob wants to allow single people to bring guests, but Amber says that will make their lists too long. Amber’s mom takes her side, and I have to join her there. If they aren’t in a serious relationship, don’t invite the guest – it’s the easiest way to cut the list down a bit.

We skip ahead to the day of Amber’s bridal shower. Meanwhile, Rob is with his future brother-in-laws for some ATV riding, because that’s what he says they do in Pittsburgh. Showers are for women, so he’ll make an appearance later, but that’s it.

The guys head out to ride in the snow while Amber is worried that things are going according to plan at the shower. Rob and the guys are stuck in deep snow while Amber tries to call him – but he’s not answering his phone. Apparently, Rob did not share his little secret about how late he was going to be.

Amber starts opening presents without him – what do you get a person who won a million dollars on a reality show, whose fiancé won a hundred grand, who together won some more cash on a second show, and who are getting their wedding paid for by a TV network? I’m thinking they should be buying the gifts for their friends, not the other way around!

Rob gets his ATV towed and gets back to the house to change into appropriate clothes. He knows he’s late, but he has his “insurance policy” with him – a dozen pink roses. Smart man. He walks in and she tells us that she knew exactly what he was up to with the flowers, but it worked anyway.

Now it’s time to head to Bahston. Amber thinks they should take dancing lessons, but Rob insists he knows how to dance. They try in the kitchen and he can slow dance fine. He says if she wants to dance to something faster, she can dance with her friends. He simply has no interest in learning to dance. She says on the island he said he wanted to dance, and he admits he lied to her ‘cus he wanted to go out with her! She says that’s not fair, that’s who she fell in love with.

Rob gives us a piece of advice: Next time you think about telling a girl you like dancing, think twice. In the end, he gives in (he’s whipped) and they go to take lessons.