Hit Me Baby 1 More Time, Episode 5: One For the Road

Tonight we see performances from Juice Newton, Shannon, Animotion, PM Dawn, and Missing Persons. A good grouping!

Vernon Kay welcomes us. No more cracks on his hair. We may never see him again. May he find a Supercuts one day. Vernon tells us last week, the studio audience crowned Thelma Houston the winner (can’t blame them), but America chose Glass Tiger (I could see that)! Shocking! Not really.

On with the show.

Juice Newton had a very nice run in the late ‘70s - early ‘80s with nuggets like "Queen of Hearts," "Break It To Me Gently," and "Love’s Been A Little Bit Hard on Me." Then came the ‘80s, MTV, new wave, and Juice was decidedly no longer cool. Just like that, she was your mom’s music. Juice bowed out gracefully. Nice to see what she’s been up to.

A rather beautiful Juice, an elegant, well-presented Juice, without the trademark long, long, tresses does a credible version of "Queen of Hearts" (a song too old for most of that studio audience, I assure you). A leeeettle bit pitchy toward the end, but nice job overall. Juice says she will be doing Ashlee Simpson’s "Pieces of You" later on. I avoid Ashlee Simpson like a mouse avoids snakes, so I’ll be hearing this song for the first time.

Next up, Animotion. Known primarily for it’s song "Obsession" with its blaring synths, and cold methodical drum beat. "Obsession" which became something of the flagship song of 80s new wave, was cool because for all the passion of the lyrics, Astrid Plane and Bill Wadhams sounded like a couple of disinterested androids. Somehow, the contrast worked. Plane and Wadhams were saved from being one hit wonders by, of all people Mrs. Richard Marx.

Yes, Cynthia Rhodes (star of Stayin’ Alive with John Travolta) picked up the reigns as Animotion’s vocalist when all of the original members were long gone, save the drummer, who decided to keep Animotion alive by himself. Plucky. This new incarnation of Animotion scored another top ten hit with "Room To Move" which bore no sound resemblance to the original Animotion at all. I always said technically, they should have been Animotion 2, or Animotion Starship, or Animotion Hagar. See where I’m going?

Unfortunately, Bill starts singing too early. Then Astrid starts singing at all. She was never going to shatter any wine glasses even in her prime, but dang, I’ve heard cats in heat produce better sounds. By the way, her hair manages to be blonde, pink and black. Wow. Very short version of the song, which saves countless people who were heading for the ledges of their local bridges. Astrid feistily tells us they will be doing Dirty Vegas’ "Days Go By." Does that song have words? Yes, about 14. I can hardly wait.

Here’s Shannon, with "Let The Music Play," perhaps the most famous club song of all time. Shannon managed a decent follow up with "Give Me Tonight," but following "Let the Music Play" soundalikes never popped for her.

To call Shannon’s performance energetic would be a gross understatement. In between all the spinning and dancing, she even squeezes out a pushup! Of course, she is thoroughly out of breath and can barely finish the song, missing several lyrics, but she sure is entertaining. Hand her a towel! She mumbles something about her new CD (the first gratuitous plug of the season), and then said she will doing Ashanti’s "Foolish." If you know me at all, you know I despise all things Ashanti, so Shannon has her work cut out if she’s gonna impress moi!

Our next artist is PM Dawn. PM Dawn is one of those groups who should still selling millions of albums. They burst on to the scene with "Set Adrift On a Memory Bliss," a song better known for its clever Spandau Ballet "True" sample than its title. The thing with PM Dawn is that they improved musically and as artists with every album they released. Sadly, they sold fewer albums with every release as well. Daring to take hip-hop into esoteric, philosophical, whimsical places, their only reward was to have their street credibility questioned, and it eventually was the end for them. Shame on America. If I could send you all a copy of Jesus Wept, I would, but it’s an album long out of print. Prince Be and DJ Minute Mix deserved better.

Performance wise, I’m totally annoyed by the hype man. I don’t recall PM Dawn needing a hype man. And hype man just repeats everything Prince Be said, which seems to distract him. What the hell? This is NOT the PM Dawn I remember! I mean, it’s the first time I’ve seen Prince Be’s hair, he usually wore ginormous hats. That was distracting enough. Ugh! Disappointed. Disappointed! They say they will be doing Puddle of Mudd’s "Blurry" next. I’m already hearing a clever re-interpretation in my head. They may just redeem themselves!

Missing Persons. Where do you start? Dale Bozzio, with her Penthouse body, multi-colored hair, outfits constructed sometimes of nothing more elaborate than a hefty bag and some scraps of aluminum foil, was creature of her own making. The Missing Persons sound was synth-driven, curiously melodic, and infectious. Try as you might to hate them, their songs had a way of sticking in your head like flypaper. They had hits like "Walking In LA," "Destination Unknown," and the hit they will be singing tonight, "Words."

The first thing I want to see is how Dale looks after all this time. She’s very covered up. Now I want to know if she’ll squeak. Yes she does. Actually, she’s definitely on it! If you don’t know Missing Persons, you’re probably thinking "what the hell is going on with that voice?" It’s her. Through and through. The fact that they could recreate that opaque sound of theirs so clearly impresses me mightily! Dale (who is the band apparently) says she will be doing Kylie Minoque’s "Can’t Get You Out of My Head." If you know me, you know I am predisposed to hate any song with "nah nah nah’s" in them. This could be trouble.

Time to rank:

1. Missing Persons
2. Juice Newton
3. Shannon
4. PM Dawn - hype man. Why? Why?
5. Animotion