Surreal Life 5, Episode 2: Sunshine Strikers

In our first episode, the housemates arrived at the mansion and got to know each other. While they knew ahead of time that Jose is a domestic abuser and has a violent temper, the women fawned all over him when he finally showed up. Later, Janice got drunk, disrespectful and insisted that Bronson groped her. Read that all and more in last week’s .

The cast wakes up for their first full day in the house. Pep, Carey, Caprice, and Jose are to share a bathroom; with Janice and Omarosa sharing the other. (We assume Bronson has his own.) Unfortunately for Omarosa, Janice’s hair and makeup crew arrives lugging a suitcase or two just to fix her up for the day. “There’s no way in hell I’m going to walk around without hair and makeup done,” says Janice. [Author’s Note: No, Janice, but we do expect you to do it yourself!]

The Surreal Times appears on the mansion’s doorstep, and Jose finds that it’s accompanied by a stack of his book, Juiced. The cast is to do a booksigning at the mansion today.

Jose says he needs a cashier and someone to do public relations. Omarosa says she likes to handle money. She is delegated the task of cashier. In perfect Apprentice Omarosa character, she tries to get Jose to mark the books up to $40. Jose (surprisingly unselfish) says they say $20 on the book and that’s what they’ll charge. Omarosa still wants to make them $5 more so she can have “her cut.” Omarosa continues to get bossy, irritating Bronson.

Jose warns everyone how mean the book signing customers will be. Either you love him or you hate him, he says.

Omarosa decides to change jobs to marketing, so she hands the cashier job off to Bronson with, “can you count?” Perfectly justified (in this author’s opinion), Bronson points in Oma’s face and simply says, “You’re too bossy.” This is the understatement of the show. Bronson tells the interview camera that Omarosa thinks she’s the “Meryl Streep of Reality TV.”

Omarosa says that if “things go ‘array,’ we’re in trouble.” Bronson says, “The word is awry.” Omarosa responds, “same difference.” No, Oma, it’s not.

Jose’s people show up, and most berate him. They ask him to sign the book, “Sorry I killed baseball,” and, “Mark McGuire’s innocent.” Jose says those things would not be true, so he won’t do it. He is amazingly calm about it all.

The housemates admire his grace and calm. Janice says he “truly is Ghandi.” Bronson calls him the “cool bird in the pet shop” who isn’t yapping and frantic like the rest.

After the book signing, Pepa finds The Surreal Times on the doorstep along with several bowling bags.

The Times says the losing team will clean all the dirty shoes in the bowling alley. But, not everyone will be on the Surreal team. The cast must choose one housemate to be the captain of the professional team. Janice says she’s a bad bowler so she should be captain of pro team to help her housemates win.

They get to the bowling alley in a big gaudy van with their pictures on it. Joyce, the very sweet “referee,” asks who the captain of the pro team will be. Janice suddenly bails because her life is a mess. What does that mean, Janice? Omarosa volunteers—and did Janice just call her a whore?

A paper wall tears open, and the Sunshine Strikers – special ed. bowlers – appear.

The Surreal housemates are mostly shocked, but Omarosa takes it all in stride. Oma is decent, respectful, and fun as captain of the Sunshine Strikers. She has lots of experience with mentally challenged individuals and takes to it naturally.

The Sunshine Strikers spent the whole game trash-talking the Surreal team. They have somewhere to trash talk from, as they are kicking the butts of the Surreal Lifers. Some very odd tosses always end up as strikes and spares for the Strikers.

More trash talking from the Strikers, and Caprice is starting to get her feelings hurt. She calls Chastity, the lady Striker, “a bit aggressive.”

The Surreal Lifers start to kindly trash talk back, and it escalates a bit, feeding off the Strikers’ competitive nature. Halfway through the game, the scores are close, but the Strikers are comfortably in the lead.

After a very exciting strike for the Strikers, Janice stops the show with the brilliantly compassionate statement: “That little retard’s going to pop a f---ing vein.” The jaws of everyone in the alley drop. When told it was inappropriate, Janice apologizes but soon calls one of the Strikers “Rain Man.” The Surreal teammates are noticeably embarrassed. The contrast between “Omarosa the Bitch” and “Janice the Bitch” is mind boggling at this point.

It is quite clear that “Omarosa the Bitch” is a character made for TV and the real Omarosa is a complex person of both kindness and toughness-- and Janice is just completely self-centered and clueless. This is not what anyone expected out of Omarosa’s stay in the Surreal at all. [Associate Editor’s Note: I’ve written quite a few Reality TV Hall of Shame articles about Omarosa, and I’m not buying it. She behaved appropriately in this case, no doubt, but I still think she is what she is.]

It’s the end of the game, and all the Strikers need to do is score nine or less and the Surreal team wins. Omarosa, admittedly bad at bowling, is instructed by a member of her team on proper form, and she scores big. The Strikers take the trophies, but the real winners are the mentally disabled because $1,380 was given to charity as a result of that score.

Everyone is pleased with the outcome, but the Surreal Lifers do have to clean bowling shoes as punishment.

The housemates settle in for the night, and Janice takes this opportunity to drunkenly attempt to seduce Jose. It doesn’t work, and all is right in the Mansion.

Next week: the cast puts on a burlesque show, and Jose shows his feminine side.

Toni is stranded in her ranch house in the middle of the Mohave Desert with nothing but her dogs, horses, cats, children, and reality TV to keep her company. She can be reached with questions and comments at celebreality@starband.net.

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