Hooking Up, Episode 2: If These Shoes Could Talk

Last week on Hooking Up, we were introduced to several beautiful women looking for love in New York City via the Internet. So far, we have witnessed a lot of interesting happenings:

• Claire found love, but lost it.
• Lisa passed herself off as Jennifer.
• Cynthia managed to tick off two dates.
• Amy met a guy and informed us that she is ready to make babies

Also, the fast-paced editing and constant switching between stories made me nauseous; however, I have taken my Dramamine® and am ready for tonight’s episode.

First things first… My wonderful editor David Bloomberg pointed out that if you go to the show’s web site, it is actually listed under ABC News. I recently learned that this is being done because the show is not being touted as a reality program, but rather as a documentary. Edward R. Murrow would be proud.

After a quick recap of last week’s program, we learn that people who work with Cynthia think she is a whore. (Please forgive my language, but that’s what was said!) At this point, I realize the show hasn’t even officially started yet. I have a feeling we’re in for a wild ride tonight.

To begin, we catch up with Amy, who is going out on her third date with Chris. I could have sworn that they progressed beyond the third date by now, but apparently I’m wrong; the relationship just seems to be developing very quickly. Amy is going to spend the day watching Chris play rugby. Later on, she’s taking him to meet her sister and brother-in-law. When she arrives at the rugby match, she states that she’s going to enjoy herself because there are a lot of men there who are not wearing shirts. She also asks us if it is wrong that she wants to take Chris’ clothes off of him. I don’t mean to sound prudish, but yes, Amy, it is wrong of you, considering this is your third date and you are in public. She spends a lot of time calling him honey while he is playing. I’m sure he hopes the other men don’t hear this.

Next up is Cynthia. Last week, her dates didn’t go well. Let’s see if she has better luck with Nathan, a guy she met from speed dating. Nathan is a college professor who seems like a very nice guy. That can’t be good for him with Cynthia. She says that her shoes have a lot of stories to tell because they stay on when she has sex. Yeah, well I have a pair of gloves that I use when I clean the toilet that could give her shoes a run for their money. Anyway, she and Nathan are taking a dance lesson on their date. She thinks he is nervous. He says he is having a good time. Her shoes remain silent.

Tonight we meet Kelly for the first time. She says that her profile has been viewed numerous times and that she is getting a lot of e-mail. Her attitude toward dating is that there is nothing wrong with being 30+ and single. Good for her. She sets up a date with Chris (not Amy’s Chris) who is several years younger than she is. They spend some time hitting golf balls, and she seems a bit annoyed when he loses his club. She also states that she doesn’t think there is a connection between the two of them. Perhaps it could be because she has to crack his crab legs for him and explain what a corkscrew is. At the end of the date, she says, “I’ll talk to you soon.” Basically, this means she is not going to see him again.

Amy and Chris are still at his rugby match. He points out a girl in the crowd who he was supposed to marry. What? As Amy questions him about it, he says that it wasn’t for love. She tells us later on that they have to have sex that night. In the car, she lays it on the line by saying, “If you take a shower, we can have sex right away.” Amy, thanks to you there are a lot of people taking showers right now.

After we return from a much-needed commercial break, we hear Amy say something to Chris about helping him take off his clothes. They then jump in the shower together at her sister’s house. This is just too much. As Amy, Chris, her sister, and her brother-in-law sit around and talk, her sister Sara tells the story of how she put Amy’s profile online. Apparently, when she added information about Amy’s healthy sex-drive, she received a lot of interest. Hey, what are sisters for, right?

Kelly calls Steve. She says that he is an occasional smoker and that she doesn’t like smoking. Why then would you contact someone who has a habit that you can’t stand? He says that he is very successful and was leery of dating online at first because he was afraid of people who would try to take advantage of him. On their date, he takes her out on his boat. I can see why he would be worried.

Cynthia and Nathan spend some time getting to know one another. He tells her about the time he was out on a date and the woman told him that he helped her realize she is a lesbian. I almost fall off the couch over that one.

Amy and Chris are kissing again. They seem to do that a lot. Great. Now they are rolling around on the bed. At this point, she reminds us that they have only been dating one week. Again, I almost fall off the couch; there should be some kind of warning that goes along with this program. Seriously, I thought they had been dating for much longer than that. It’s official… they are moving too quickly. We are then treated to the obligatory reality TV shot of the couple in the bedroom followed by him shutting the door on the camera.

Kelly tells Steve that she never dated a lot before going online. He tells us that the date is going well. They do seem to be having fun. They are now on the boat at night; it is quite beautiful and romantic. At the end of the date, they kiss. She then goes back for one more.

Amy is meeting Chris for lunch, but he is late because he’s getting her a gift. She says that when they stayed at her sister’s house, he slept in late and then watched football. Apparently, she doesn’t like this and now she’s not sure if she wants to marry him. He finally arrives and he gives her a pretty bracelet. She tells us that she doesn’t think things are going to work out because she respects her sister’s opinion, and her sister doesn’t think he is right for her. Sara says that he is too aggressive and it is like he is attacking Amy. While I don’t totally disagree, I have to say that Amy was also aggressive when it came to being physical with Chris. Amy says that she can at least have sex with him a couple of more times. I think I’m going to need therapy after this. She then realizes that she let things progress too quickly. She also explains that he is getting on her nerves; we see him kissing her neck while she mentally balances her checkbook and makes out her grocery list. In other words, she’s totally uninterested. Amy calls him and ends it. He says he will crave her. Gross.