The Law Firm, Episode 2: Then the Dominatrix Said, “Eat Me”

It’s time for another fascinating night of The Law Firm. Normally at this point in my recap, it’s the time where I take a moment to answer all of your viewer mail and perhaps share a few things that I have learned from you, my faithful readership. As I learned as I small child by watching all of those Schoolhouse Rock cartoons, “Knowledge is power.”

Anyway, like I said this WOULD be the place where I would put this comments but as I got no viewer mail whatsoever, it leads me to believe one of two things. 1) I am the only person in the world that is watching this program or 2) You just don’t love me anymore. Since I know it can’t possibly be #2 (right… that is true… please tell me this is true!). I tried doing some more research into “lifetime papers” that George Leach kept referring to but since the editing made that case more confusing than necessary I figured my time was better spent trying to perfect my triple axel, triple flip combination for the U.S. National Figure Skating Championship since I’m skating to the new theme from Big Brother.

Last week, we had the highly impressive, precedent setting, earth shattering cases that changed the legal world forever – a dog mauling and a coroner posing as a cop. People, it doesn’t get better than that, does it? We also saw man-hungry Kelly and Jason who likes to strike comments beneficial to his case from the record take a hike and leave us with the current slate of ten people. Two more will be going tonight and, if we keep going at this pace, we’ll be done with this show in five episodes.

Everyone files back into the law firm and it looks like Olivier needs to shave because he’s looking way too scruffy. I mean I can understand a goatee or something but he just looks like he didn’t shave that morning. Roy Black tells everyone to go into the lounge where he compliments them on the work they did last week. Two people, he says, stood out last week and because of that, they will get to decide who will be on their “team.” I’m sure this isn’t going be like a Survivor team or even an Apprentice team/corporation/whatever. Five lawyers working on one case will be a lot of ego in the room. Roy designates Michael and Barrett (remember she’s a woman because frankly, I still find it odd that her parents would name her that… unless it’s like a family name then it’s TOTALLY understandable) to be the leaders.

Barrett is “randomly” chosen to start. I don’t know how he “randomly” did his choosing but I’m going to think that it was the old, “ladies first” method which always seems to work for me. Barrett opts for the unshaven Olivier and the choosing begins until ultimately the following teams are formed:

Team 1: Barrett, Olivier, Elizabeth, Anika, Deep

Team 2: Michael, Keith, Aileen, Chris, Regina

Deep is one of the final two people chosen and is thankful that 1) He was not chosen last and 2) That he doesn’t have to work with Michael because he thinks that Michael is a total ass. Regina is the last person chosen… okay not really chosen, but she knew that she was on Michael’s team. I kinda feel bad for her but she’s got some grit and determination in her that I like. The comment that one of her competitors (Deep, I think) made last week about her being a pitbull in the courtroom could be true. She’s just glad that she doesn’t have to be on a team with Olivier because she thinks that everyone should have some input on the case and not have to follow his whim. Hmmm. I wonder if Barrett will agree with her when this episode is over.

So let’s get to the cases shall we?

Brad Graves v. Ronald Hicks

This case is somewhat timely as it somewhat relates to terrorism. I say “somewhat” because it’s a civil case and while terrorism does play a part in it, it’s more about damages for emotional distress. Ronald Hicks owns a convenience store that Brad Graves frequented. He decided one day to put up a fake wanted poster that “exposed” Brad Graves to be a terrorist. At this point, they show us a copy of the flyer and the first thing that stands out to me is the phrase “EAT ME” that goes vertically down the center of the page.

That’s right, folks. In bright red letters it reads, “EAT ME.”

This should be good.

Sabrina Belladona v. Jason Roselli

Sabrina is a professional dominatrix.

Yes, you read that right. She is a professional dominatrix. Now, I know that I have a widely sophisticated audience who I am sure knows what a dominatrix does for a living. But for those who are not in the know (but no less sophisticated) let me help you out just a little. Remember that scene in Desperate Housewives when Rex was paying Maisy to walk all over him in heels and basically was very subservient to her? Well, Maisy in this case was the dominatrix. If we want to go with the definition my good friends at Dictionary.com gave me, we get the following:

dom·i·na·trix – A woman who acts out the role of the dominating partner in a sadomasochistic relationship

Now that’s hot people. Forget the fake terrorist case, I want to start right in on the dominatrix case.

The case stems from Sabrina asking Jason to do a website for her so she could promote her business. During a business dispute, Jason took down the website, which Sabrina says cost her business and she is, naturally, suing for damages.

Scruffy!Olivier (his current persona from here out will now be referred to as a part of his name… I’m sure there will be plenty more) says that he wants to be a part of that case as he has experience in that area. Ewwwww. Scruffy!Olivier morphs into Perv!Olivier in less than ten seconds. Roy Black, showing a little bit of personality, says that he’s really not surprised with Olivier’s declaration. I’m still skeeved.