Battle of the Network Reality Stars, Episode 1: Some Things Never Change

I know, I know – it’s been a while since I’ve recapped. However, I decided to get some practice since America’s Next Top Model 5 will be starting up in a little over a month, and what better way than to get reacquainted with some old reality friends! Well, some are friends – some are just annoying. That’s right, I’m here to bring you the blow-by-blow of Bravo’s Battle of the Network Reality Stars. Of course, some of them aren’t exactly stars, but just in case you don’t know who is on the show, let me give you a quick list of who they are and where they are from:

First, we have our roving reporters, who will be reporting from the sidelines and filling us in on all the dirt. They are:

Trishelle Canatella – The Real World: Las Vegas

Omarosa – The Apprentice

Bob Guiney – The Bachelor

Now, it’s time for the contestants. Bravo cast some big names, and some bottom of the barrel. Either way, I can already smell the drama! The Contestants are:

Adam Mesh – Average Joe

Bradford Cohen – The Apprentice 2

Brian Worth – Average Joe: Hawaii

Brittany Brower – America’s Next Top Model 4

Burton Roberts – Survivor: Pearl Islands

Charla Faddoul – The Amazing Race

Chip & Kim McAllister – The Amazing Race

Chris Russo – The Apprentice 2

Coral Smith – The Real World: Back to New York

Duncan Nutter – Show Biz Moms & Dads

Evan Marriott – Joe Millionaire

Gervase Peterson - Survivor

Heidi Bressler – The Apprentice

Jonathan Baker – The Amazing Race

Matt Gould – Joe Schmo

Melissa Howard – The Real World: New Orleans

Mike Malin – Big Brother 2

Michael Mizanin – The Real World: Back to New York

Mirna Hindoyan – The Amazing Race

Nikki McKibbin – American Idol

Rachel Love Fraser – The Swan

Richard Hatch – Survivor

Ryan Starr – American Idol

Sue Hawk – Survivor

Theo Vonkurnatowski – Road Rules: Maximum Velocity Tour

Tina Panas – The Bachelor

Valerie Penso – Temptation Island

Victoria Fuller – The Amazing Race

Wendy Pepper – Project Runway

Will Kirby – Big Brother 2

Will Winkle – Big Brother 5

Okay, so here we go. The battle is on again! We are back to the California coast, where the first “Battle” took place two decades ago. Four teams of reality all-stars will go head to head, and it begins now!

First, we meet Mike Adamle, our host. He tells us that one of the four teams competing will win $10,000 and a whole bunch of prizes. Tonight, they will take part in an obstacle course, the joust, and the dunk tank. Mike introduces us to his colleagues and sideline reporters, Omarosa, Bob Guiney, and Trishelle. The teams are now getting acquainted and picking team captains.

The first team is the dark blue team. We’re going to call them (DB). This team consists of Bradford, Richard, Ryan Starr, Mirna, Charla, Valerie, Burton, and Mike (The Miz). Richard says that right away, he likes Ryan, and Valerie is happy to have The Miz on her team. Richard thinks Valerie is fit and focused, then goes on to tell the teams that what people don’t realize is that he was very honest on Survivor. The Miz doesn’t really buy it, and neither do I. He created a SECRET alliance! They decide to do a best out of three rock/paper/scissors for team captain, and its The Miz who wins.

Next is the green team, or as I’ll be calling them (G). It consists of Matt Gould, Sue, Will Kirby, Chip & Kim, Nikki, Theo, and Brian Worth. Theo says that you can’t hate Chip – he looks like Winnie the Pooh! Theo also thinks that Nikki is out of her mind. Chip nominates himself as the team leader and everyone is happy with that. Nikki is happy because Chip is so positive and Matt notes that Chip is like a father figure and makes a great leader for their team.

Let’s meet the Red team next, shall we? I’m calling them RT. Why the “T” in the name? Well, if I just put the (R) in the parentheses, you get this: ®! Would you rather I use that? Anyway, on this team, we have Coral, Will Winkle, Duncan, Adam Mesh, Evan Marriott, Rachel, Melissa, and Heidi. I automatically love Heidi since she is from Philly, or so I hear. Coral loves her team and is thrilled to be with Duncan and Melissa. Evan is happy too, and says that Coral needs all eyes on her. Coral, proving him right, says that she has no problems with anyone yet, but it’s only been an hour. When she asks the rest of her team who should be the captain, they basically tell her that she is. Evan says that she’s the perfect captain since she can’t keep her mouth shut, so she’ll get things done.