The Princes of Malibu, Episode 6: A Concert for Canadians

Previously, on The Princes of Malibu, Brandon, Brody, and Spencer earned money by hosting an Elvis convention on the lawn of their stepfather, David Foster. He retaliated by hiring a bricklayer to build a wall to block their rooms. Forced to move to the pool house, Brandon, Brody, and Spencer helped themselves to David’s possessions to decorate it. In response, David helped himself to their sporting goods and music equipment, and held a yard sale.

The episode begins with the idea for retaliation – selling some of David’s Grammy Awards, ending when they learned it was illegal to sell them (not to mention it didn’t belong to them in the first place). It was too bad, since they think Canadians would have paid a fortune for it. Time for a backup plan, developed by Spencer. They decide to put on a benefit concert on the front lawn, featuring clients of David’s. Their target market is Canadians. Of course, the concert is designed to benefit them. They put together a release listing a bunch of artists that may be appearing. They key word being “may” – they have no idea if any of them will show up. Brandon is uncomfortable with the scheme, but goes along with it. They call up Lionel Richie, but can’t reach him. Sheryl Crow is out of the country. Kenny Rogers isn’t there, and Wayne Newton is also out. So it goes down the list.

David, however, has an idea. He gets Brandon alone and asks him to pretend he was him, and asks how he should talk to Brody and Brandon. Brandon talks about respecting each other, but David wants to know how to get his point across. He says it isn’t about the money – he could buy four $250,000 Ferraris and it wouldn’t change his life one bit. What he wants is some sense of urgency from his stepsons – if they don’t get a contract, deal, or gig, they need to figure out how to pay the rent. Brandon says he’s just a kid. David tells him he’s not a kid – he’s almost 24. He promises his music would be more heartfelt if he didn’t have the estate around him. Brandon complains that it was tough growing up not knowing if people liked him or the lifestyle. Brandon says no job in the world would give him the satisfaction like having people listen to his music.

Later that evening, Spencer and Brody note they’ve sold 200 tickets – but they still don’t have any performers lined up. Spencer thinks it will work out – Canadians love each other. They don’t have an army, so they bond together and pretend they have some kind of unity. Brody laughs. Spencer then calls David’s secretary for his schedule on Sunday. He’s scheduled to be working all day in his Hollywood studio, then going to Sacramento for events with the governor.

As Brody tries to sleep, voiceovers of David’s lectures haunt him, and a dream sequence occurs. He dreams of working at Target. Well, working isn’t exactly what I would call it. He admires the lingerie, then plays slip-and-slide on a package conveyor. Next is driving the forklift around the store. He comes to the conclusion that work is easy.

Concert day arrives, and they still don’t have any artists booked. Spencer has an idea on how to get David to stay instead of going to the governor’s events. Brandon asks if they are going to set the studio on fire. Brody has a different idea. He asks if they had ever seen Pulp Fiction and a scene involving a wolf (I’m at a distinct disadvantage, having never seen Pulp Fiction). Brody calls his “wolf” a guy named Josh and asks him how long it will take him to come out to Malibu. Josh says it’s a 20-minute drive, so he’ll be there in 10. He shows up in 9 minutes, 37 seconds, and introductions are made.

While working out, David gets a call purporting to be from Arnold Schwarzenegger, telling him he needs him there a little earlier if that would work out. He’s arranged for a helicopter. Well, Josh has. He does a pretty good Schwarzenegger voice actually. Good enough to fool David at any rate. Josh, Brandon, Brody, and Spencer all applaud once the ruse works, until Brandon asks where they are going to get a helicopter.

With that question unanswered, they set up for the concert. Brandon asks how long he’s going to have to play for. Brody says he should prepare to headline if David doesn’t show up. Brandon wonders if David Foster’s friends will really go for it. He points out the event is David Foster and Friends, and they’ll just say the sign was wrong and should have been David Foster Presents. Spencer brings Canadian flags out and says Brandon will be huge. He says his band isn’t huge – they were promising headline stars like Celine Dion.

David gets ready for his meeting with the governor, and back at the house, Linda comes out and wonders why the piano is in the pool (not literally in in, but on top of it). Canadians start to arrive, and Spencer stalls them with storytelling. The mayor of Malibu shows up and Linda greets him.

David, however, never uses elevators (I don’t know why not – they are the safest form of motorized transportation in the world). He arrives at the tallest building in Los Angeles (where the helicopter is supposed to meet him), and starts climbing the stairs. He gets one heck of a workout.

Back at Malibu, the concert is 15 minutes late, and finally begins with Brandon’s band, Big Dune. As David climbs the stairs to the helipad, Brandon plays and the audience looks bored, all the way for the next hour. David finally reaches the roof and gets into the helicopter. At 9:04 Brandon takes a break. He’s run out of material – he just played “La Cucaracha” for them. Spencer tells him to play “La Bamba.” Brandon isn’t having fun.

David tells us that about the time Brandon realized he wasn’t a headliner, David figured out he wasn’t going to the governor’s mansion. However, after an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator and a half million dollar helicopter later, they got him to the event. Spencer waves the Canadian flag as David enters the party. Alan Thicke (billed as America’s Favorite TV Dad – but he’s actually a Canadian) tells him he’s late. He informs him that they paid good money for it. David wonders for “what” and Alan tells him they were wondering that for the past few hours. David isn’t happy, but Linda tells him he has an audience full of people. Linda tells him it’s all for charity. David tells his stepsons it will all be going to charity. Spencer announces David is here – he just had to use the bathroom. David goes to the piano on the stage on top of the swimming pool, he plays the love theme from St. Elmo’s Fire.

He puts his anger aside, but knows there is going to be trouble once he gets off the stage. So they decide to prevent him from going off stage. As David plays, a skin diver enters the pool. After David finishes, he realizes he forgot something. By making them turn the money over to charity, he makes Brandon and Brody local heroes. Everybody applauds, but David notices the panels over the swimming pool water have been removed. He jumps in, suit and all. He also tells us that he knows he’s said it before, but this time he means it – this is the last straw.

The credits close with David listening to his answering machine. Governor Schwarzenegger called and said not to worry about the state song – he’s gone with John Hech. Next time, give him a call.

Jeffrey Clinard lives in Las Vegas, Nevada, with his cats, Lam and Princess. He can be reached at realityfeedback@bookslv.com.

Be sure to sign up for our e-mail update so you can stay informed about new articles on the site! And take a look at the rest of the site. You can find out about some other popular shows at our The Amazing Race 5 page and our Survivor: Vanuatu page; and don't miss The Reality TV Hall of Shame. You can even buy reality show stuff at our Reality TV Store!

For more news about reality TV, be sure to check out SirLinksALot: Princes of Malibu!