Kill Reality, Episode 5: The Relationship from Hell

Trishelle starts the episode off by reading Tonya’s private letter from her boyfriend aloud. Classy. In truth, it’s actually really funny for the two people that it’s not involved with. But for Tonya and her boyfriend, I predict it will be less funny. Bob finds this whole situation uncomfortable. Jenna L thinks Tonya sets herself up for this. After the corny love letter, there is a P.S. from Tonya’s boyfriend that nobody watching can understand because there are so many sexual expletives that cannot be said on TV. Bob: “How does it go from sweet and nice and touching to (long bleep)?”

Jenna announces they’re going bowling. She then decides she will, in fact, wear socks. Riveting television, I tell you. Tonya says she’s not going. Nobody objects. On the car ride there, Trishelle tells everyone that the night before Tonya told her that she (Tonya) is in love with Jonny Fairplay (JFP). Steven feels that JFP is better than Tonya. I’m still not sure who is the better person in that relationship, but it scares me when Trishelle seems like a rational person. Steven asks JFP if he wants to have a relationship with Tonya. Trish corrects him and says he wants to have relations with Tonya. They all feel he’s too good for her. JFP says she’s hot. Are we to expect more from him?

They bowl. Woo. That was fun.

JFP tells us that when he talks to Trishelle about Tonya, he’s not 100% truthful. He informs Trishelle that he just wishes Tonya wasn’t crazy. Trishelle takes the words out of my mouth when she says “It’s not happening.” He says he just wants a really hot girlfriend.

It is Trishelle’s first day shooting. Finally! Not a JFP/Tonya plotline. In the scene, Trishelle’s acting isn’t so hot. She’s not in the character at all. When she is supposed to shoot a gun she makes little gun blasting noises which makes the crew laugh. Steven Segal look-alike says that she just isn’t focused. Is Trishelle ever focused?

Trishelle asks Rob about nudity in the movie. She doesn’t want to be nude. Here we go again. She says she’s not comfortable with showing everything. Rob doesn’t really understand, especially when she posed for Playboy. I’ll give Trishelle credit though, she has much more credibility with this than Jenna “stolen sex tape” Lewis. Rob tells her to talk to Steven Segal look-alike.

Both Steven and Trishelle tell us that JFP and Tonya are basically hooking up and that’s all that it is. It’s meaningless sex and they both know it. Jenna doesn’t like that Tonya is walking around acting like she is ashamed of JFP. Tonya is mad because it was supposed to be private, and he went and told everyone. Jenna says that, emotionally, JFP can’t handle all of the baggage that comes with Tonya. I don’t think anybody can. After a confrontation we don’t see, JFP leaves the house. Tonya doesn’t care, and this is the first time I’ve ever agreed with Tonya.

Steven tells Trishelle that JFP left and she actually does’t believe him. Trishelle calls him in the morning. She wants to know why he’s crying about her when he talks bad about her all the time.

Josh tells us that Trishelle hasn’t given him her contract yet, even though she has promised it to him. Trishelle explains to Josh that Playboy paid her an obscene amount of money to get naked, and that’s why she did that. Josh calls Steven Segal look-alike with Trishelle in the room. Segal tells her that she’s the irresistible creature that every man wants. She doesn’t buy that because she doesn’t want to show “full-on boob.” She explains, “They’re acting like my boob is like my foot, and it’s not!” Heh. Trishelle says she was trying to be sneaky, but it didn’t work out well so she signed the contract anyway.

Bob and Trishelle shoot their love scene. Eww. When they say action Bob starts giggling again. Whether it’s murder or sex, this guy still laughs. What makes this guy upset? Trishelle says it’s the most uncomfortable, unisexual, unappealing thing she’s ever done in my life. Trishelle says it’s not sexy to shoot a love scene. She adds that maybe for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt it is, but for Trishelle Cannatella and Bob Guiney it isn’t.

Later that night on the set JFP shows up and talks to Jenna about what happened the night before. Jenna storms over to Tonya and attacks her. Tonya tells Jenna that it isn’t any of her business. Jenna says its not, but it’s JFP, so it’s hers. Huh? Jenna thinks Tonya’s rude to JFP. Tonya thinks JFP is rude to her. Frankly, I think the producers are rude to me for airing this.

Tonya runs to complain to JFP. She wants to know why he’s such and ass****. Tonya, we’ve been trying to figure that one out for a long time. They both scream and bitch and moan and nothing is resolved. There is about a million “f*** you’s” on both sides. Shouting match is over. Rob tells JFP that he still has Trishelle.

When they return to the house, Trishelle reads Tonya’s letter aloud. JFP doesn’t like to think of Tonya with other people. The two add a P.S.S. saying “Will JFP be involved in your wonderful life together?”

Trishelle calls Tonya wondering where she is. JFP interjects in a pretty normal conversation (as normal as it can be between Tonya and Trishelle.) Trishelle tells us that JFP clings to affection with girls. The two invite over their friends Kacie and Alex. Trishelle asks if a girl is hot but crazy, would they date her. Trishelle clarifies it’s Tonya, and Tonya walks right into the room! They somewhat admit they were talking to her. Tonya bitches at Trishelle about something, but we don’t know what it is because it’s all bleeped out. Tonya is mad at JFP because he lied about their relationship. Tonya comes down later and finds the letter with the P.P.S. Trishelle tries to say that Tonya left it right out there and it makes it “community property.” Trishelle thinks she left it out because she wanted it to be read.

Tonya thinks Trishelle is a bitch. JFP goes up to play “good cop” and tries to work things with Tonya. She didn’t want him to involve Trishelle in her relationship, which he says he didn’t. She doesn’t like how he acts how all of it is okay, when it’s not okay. She tells us that she is giving in over pure and utter annoyance.