Meet Mr. Mom, Episode 4: Dads in Doo-Doo

Just an FYI, Meet Mr. Mom is now on Wednesday evenings, still at 8 p.m.

Tonight, we pit the Wiesenfarths against the Myerses in Sacramento, California. John Wiesenfarth is an ER doc and Mike Myers is Austin Powers. Er, wait, wrong one. Mike is an executive with a major company. Kathy Wiesenfarth and Bonnie Myers stay at home with four and six kids respectively. Amusingly enough, Bonnie and Mike’s brood are split 3/3 from previous relationships, so they are blended like The Brady Bunch. Cute.

Unfortunately, I get no shots of men in wifebeaters looking hot. A man dressed in a suit and shades shows up at the families’ doors to deliver the assignments. I can tell I’m going to like these women when neither starts to cry at the ridiculous tripe written on the assignment sheet. Plus, Bonnie decides it is more important to gather her stuff then to fill in Mike and figures he can puzzle it out on his own. I like her style!

We have two resident cuties this time around: Ryan for the Wiesenfarths, who says their dad can’t take care of them; he’s too silly, and Brenna Myers, who quickly informs the television world that Mike once flooded the house doing laundry. I miss a few seconds of speech snickering loudly and disturbing the snoozing macaws.

The first assignment quickly arrives. Each family must pick a foreign country’s cuisine and present a themed dinner party at 9 p.m. that night for three mystery guests. As a twist, the Myerses discover they have no utensils, cooking items, food, etc. The Wiesenfarths are in the same boat, and of course they are, because how else are we going to get the families into JCPenney’s, obviously a show sponsor? John W chooses French and off they go. Mike M picks Irish corned beef and cabbage and whisks the kids away.

While the men and children romp through a sponsor-filled arena, the women relax at the Fairmont Sonoma Mission. Kathy instantly knew it was Bonnie, she tells us. Hmm, cameras following her give you a hint?

At Sponsor Hell, er JCPenney’s, the Myerses make short work of the store. Mike efficiently stacks items on a cart and directs the kids this way and that. He’s off to the grocery store before you can say “Glad, Quest, and Penney’s!” Dr. Dad, however, appears less fortunate. John and the boys argue over floral patterns for tablecloths, types of dishes, and other various and sundry unimportances. Yes, it’s a word. I made it up just now. Consider it the evolution of the American language. Or devolution if you so choose! Anyway. We were discussing boys arguing over floral patterns. This is what I expect from Queer Eye, not Meet Mr. Mom!

Mike is the picture of organization, and he directs kids to clean as they go. John finally pulls into the drive with only an hour and fifteen minutes to go! Oddly enough, everything kicks in, John gets in a groove, and we see him yank it all together with literally seconds to spare.

Ding dong! Here come the mystery guests, and they are friends of the wives! Oooh boy, the men should feel the pressure as they realize the friends will share all details upon the wife’s return. Heh. John cracks me up as he calls his wife’s friends the “divas of Sacramento dining come to critique everything we do.” Chortle.

Mike relaxes as he realizes he will know the women. Honestly, he shouldn’t, but it’s obvious the poor man is an amateur. His presentation on the plates looks pathetic, although the food looks done. However, the kids complain, the women act like they have never seen corned beef before, and all in all, the Myers’ dinner looks the disaster. While Mike is in the kitchen, one of the friends sneaks a phone and orders pizza for everyone.

John creates some salmon dish that manages to look yummy. Kids being picky about fish, I thought for sure this would go over badly, but even our precocious little Ryan wants seconds. The divas ooh and aah over it all, and despite cutting it to the wire, Dr. Dad pulls through.

Ding dong! At the Myers’ house, the pizza arrives, and the friends sneak it back to the kids. Well, sneak is too kind. They are quickly caught, but Mike allows it, garnering him a thumbs-down for Nutrition. Pizza is a good group, damn it, and should be allowed! He’s doing well on Parenting and Time Management, so it should balance.

Day two heralds a biker dude, replete with horned helmet, skin throws, and leather-fringed jacket, and seven itty bitty puppies on leashes. Er, puppies? Yes, puppies. Wolf, as he calls himself, is leaving on a trip and the Wiesenfarth’s are to watch the seven puppies for the week. Excellent. Meanwhile, Roger the alternate biker dude with the less cool name gives the Myerses seven kittens. Pity they didn’t leave the Harleys.

John tells us he’s excited about the puppies and even allows them upstairs to sleep. Bear in mind these are young puppies, absolutely untrained. Now remember there are seven of them. And four Wiesenfarth boys. And the puppies are upstairs. For the night. Got all that pictured? Now imagine the morning after. Yeah, that’s exactly it.

Did you know network television has to blur doggy doo doo? I cannot think of anything dumber, except perhaps blurring naked, cartoon buttocks. It’s poo, people. Just poo! Of course, there is quite a bit of it. All over. I’m talking everywhere.

Fortunately, after some blurry poo shots, we get to see the moms having some fun. A la Lucy and Ethel, Kathy and Bonnie go to a winery where they stomp grapes. I bet cleaning the purple off your feet is fun. No guilt from these moms about being away. Kathy feels she deserves it. Got that right!

Day four brings football players to each family, barking about family flag football. We quickly move into Day five and the actual game. The field is muddy as sin. Purposefully muddy! The winner will receive a reward for Time Management. John needs this, as well we know. In an amazing coincidence, however, the Myerses tie the game at the very last second. Astonishing. No, really. It’s amazing.