Tommy Lee Goes to College, Episode 4: The House of Lee

Tommy is at a tailgating party at Memorial Stadium. There’s barbequing. There’s… other tailgating stuff. Someone brings out that giant hot dog again, which they call the Wiener Launcher, but what, as I mentioned last week, is actually called Der Wiener Schlinger. Tommy shoots hot dogs but isn’t actually shooting them to anyone. Someone offers him some Rocky Mountain oysters, which he tries. He says they taste like chicken.

In Tommy’s English class, the students are discussing Tommy’s own book, Tommy Land. The professor encourages them to ask Tommy questions and include him in the discussion, but he jokingly asks them not to. The professor says that, in the beginning, she was confused about who was talking. This is because, as Tommy and his co-writer decided, one of the opening narrators would be… well… Tommy, Jr. The professor thinks this is a “beautiful image.” The students give their opinions on said image, but I think they’re reading too much into it.

Tommy plays football with some frat guys, including Matt. Afterwards, they go out for beers and one of the guys asks Tommy if he’s considering pledging. Tommy says that he’s thought about it and wants to know more about initiation. The guy tells him that that involves pledging and some rituals. Tommy decides to check it out.

At the frat house, a guy in a robe talks to some pledges. It’s really lame. He should at least pretend to be intimidating. The sound guys include the sound of a goat bleating. The sound guys on this show bug me. Robe Guy tells the pledges that in order to stay in the frat, they have to be a member of two accredited clubs and maintain a 2.5 GPA. Then he takes his robe off and shakes the pledges’ hands. Like I said, lame.

The pledges have to do certain chores around the house, and Robe Guy tells Tommy that, since he’s coming in late, he’ll be at the bottom of the ladder. First Tommy and another guy have to do dishes. Tommy breaks some. The narrator (who is also getting on my nerves) tells us that new dishes will cost $150.

Next up is laundry. Tommy throws a bunch of clothes in a washing machine and pours a bunch of something on them. Is that bleach? Please tell me he’s not that dumb. The narrator tells us that new clothes for the entire frat will cost $1,200. Yeah, if they only shop at thrift stores. Tommy winds up having to clean the bathroom, which, of course, he hates. He actually does a pretty good job, though. The narrator says that having a rock star scrub your toilet is priceless. I’d like to make the narrator scrub my toilet.

Unhappy with his assignments, Tommy leaves the frat house. The narrator tells us that he’s going to start his own frat. He and Matt move into what will come to be known as the House of Lee. Tommy climbs a ladder and drills a sign reading “Lee” into the side of the house.

Tommy rides a bike to class. No, not a motorcycle, a real bike. With really long handles, for some reason. What’s that about? He parks the bike with a couple of motorcycles and heads off to study for a quiz for his horticulture class. Natalie joins him and he tells her that he’s stressing out. She tells him that she’s brought flashcards, pictures, and actual leaves to help him study.

The two study and Natalie has some very good ideas for how to remember the names of plants. For instance, for the Turkish Filbert, she has Tommy imagine the leaves in the shape of a turkey named Filbert. Natalie tells Tommy that if he aces the quiz, she’ll buy drinks. If he doesn’t pass, he drinks alone.

At the new frat house, Tommy and Matt discuss potential pledges. Matt suggests that they have a barbeque and pick members from the people who attend. They decide that it’s important to have a good mix of people. Later, at the barbeque, they talk to various people. One guy says that he’d be a good person for the eclectic mix because he’s 225 pounds, lives in the hood, and knows Tae Kwon Do. How can you say no to someone like that? We meet four of the potential pledges – Lei, Jon, Tyrie, and Nick. The common reason for wanting to join the frat seems to be having fun and meeting girls.

It’s time for Tommy’s test. The students go outside and the professor points out various trees, having them write down the names on slips of paper, which they place in envelopes. Tommy remembers some of the things Natalie told him, but they get mixed together. He gets at least one right, though.

A few days later, Tommy heads to Professor Sutton’s office to get his first grade. It seems that he had to write down four things for each tree – the genus, the family, the scientific name, and the common name. On the first tree, he got the genus wrong. On the second, he got the family wrong. On the third, he got the common name right. On the fourth, he got all four components right. In the end, he winds up with an 87.5, a B+. Not bad at all! Tommy shows off his grade, which he’s very proud of. He meets up with Natalie, who’s also proud and asks him if he’s framed it yet.

Tommy and Matt have chosen their pledges, so it’s time to go get them. They embark on a mission: Top Secret Covert Stealth Undercover. The two of them run around campus with bullhorns, tackling Ben, the guy from the drumline, and telling him that he’s officially been pledged. His new name is Brother Drummer Boy.

In a bar, the guys find Jon, whose new name is Brother Spike because of his spiky hair. Nick, who they find in what looks like an on-campus office, is Brother Big Boned, because he’s… well, big boned. Matt and Tommy go to the cafeteria looking for Lei, but he’s not there. The people there probably thought that they were looking for sex.

The guys find Tyrie, Brother Smooth, and he runs across campus with them for a little while. Last, they find Lei, Brother Sex Machine, in his dorm and drag him out of his room. Lei (who’s wearing a suit, for some reason) tries to lock his door on the way out but Tommy tells him he doesn’t have time. Lei tells him that he’s already difficult. I think Lei was one of the potential roommates from the first episode.

Tommy and Matt, wearing robes and holding candles, tell the pledges that they’ve been invited to join the brotherhood of the foundation of rock and roll. Matt tells them to make Lee proud. They show the guys their secret handshake, which is so secret that we’re not allowed to see it. The pledges must now complete their final task – a toga party.

There’s dancing. There’s hot tubbing. It’s a typical frat party. (Well, I wouldn’t know, but I’m pretty sure it’s a typical frat party.) Lei tells a girl that he’s 007. The guys toast, chanting, “Here’s to the House of Tommy, here’s to the House of Lee, and while we’re here we’ll drink more beer and see how drunk we’ll be.” The sound guys edit in sounds of sirens and Tommy gives the camera a worried look.

Next week: Finals. Already? Tommy has two tutors. The frat guys take a field trip and play a prank that could get Tommy in a lot of trouble. We hear Butch yelling that he knew Tommy would screw this up. That was from the third episode. You can’t fool me, editors!

Jenn Brasler is an aspiring writer from Falls Church, VA. You can e-mail her at luckyjenn@hotmail.com. She thinks the House of Lee initiation was much better than the other frat’s initiation.

Be sure to sign up for our e-mail update so you can stay informed about new articles on the site! And take a look at the rest of the site. You can find out about some other popular shows at our The Amazing Race 5 page and our Survivor: Vanuatu page; and don't miss The Reality TV Hall of Shame. You can even buy reality show stuff at our Reality TV Store!

For more news about reality TV, be sure to check out SirLinksALot: Tommy Lee Goes to College!