Meet Mr. Mom, Episode 6: Positively Ooky!

In Hermosa Beach, California, Shane McColgan owns and runs a couple of restaurants/sports bars while his wife Kelly takes care of the house, kids and does realty work. The Adamses live somewhere nearby, but I missed the city while I was whimpering over my poor, abused feet (my new running shoes are obviously not made for me. I have blisters all over the bottoms of my feet, and I’m quite whiney about it right now, thank you very much). It was San something. I wrote down San Bernadino, but who knows! Anyway, Craig is a professional motorcycle rider and Terri is a first grade teacher.

The moms are sent off in the usual style, and the obligatory cute little girl explains her crying jag as mom left: “I was crying; I just had a meltdown.” Someone pinch her cheeks, folks. That was adorable.

Shane takes his family to their favorite restaurant to cheer them up about the whole situation. While there, a park ranger sort brings the first task to them. The Adamses get the same task. The families must get to a campsite and set up by 5:00 that night and stay all night. The dads are charged with cooking, hanging out, and entertaining the family.

Meanwhile, in Palm Springs, the moms meet, and guess what? Yep, they just “knew” they would be friends. It is apparently “a girl thing.” Yet again, something I lack, but I’m thrilled for them, as they seem like genuinely nice women.

The McColgans arrive at the campsite with plenty of time to set up, but the Adamses are a bit behind. Craig actually dumps poor Amy, the oldest daughter, at the store to do the shopping while he takes the others home to pack. While this could be seen as a time saver, it is more of a cop-out because he has not a clue, people. Seriously.

With 48 minutes to spare, the McColgans finish their set up. With 47 minutes left, the Adamses arrive at their campsite. They lack a pump for the air mattress so they fill it with water, not realizing how damn heavy that makes it. Lugging it in almost cost them some time management points! They finish totally as the buzzer sounds. Lucky. Back with the moms, Dustin the Hotty shows up in a nice, low-riding pair of swim trunks. The moms appreciate the view as much as I do, and they appreciate his flirtatious “what, you can’t be moms!” comments as well. Hey, who wouldn’t? Of course, I have stretch marks bigger than the Grand Canyon, so there is no fooling young hotties for me!

At the Adams’ camp, Amy is making dinner. Poor Amy. Craig meanders off with the other kids, and she talks about how she does not mind. I wonder if Craig knows how lucky he is to have her as a daughter. She is truly exceptional. Thumbs up on Nutrition thanks to Amy’s dinner.

Shane cooks some healthy turkey-dogs and gains a thumbs up for his crew as well. Sadly, he earns a thumbs down in parenting, not just from the show but from me as well, when one son keeps pouring lighter fluid on the fire to watch it flame up. He does it not once, but THREE times! Log meant for the fire, meet Luke’s bottom. Luke’s bottom, meet firewood turned paddle. That would have been my solution anyway. Egregious errors that endanger everyone and the environment that are repeated without any sign of remorse earns corporal punishment even from this relative pacifist!

Early the next morning, both families pack up and head back with relative ease and speed. Shane shows a bit of frustration, but nothing untoward. Craig shows a bit of idiocy, but nothing untoward (he didn’t understand that the kids weren’t just cold for no reason but that sleeping on the water-filled air mattress was like ice).

As the McColgans pull into their driveway, Crystal, the neighbor, sidles in asking for sugar and totally flirting with Shane. One of the daughters tells us she is going to tell her mom what Crystal was doing. Heh.

It’s all for a good cause though, as Crystal produces the next family task, and it’s a doozy. The families will compete in a bake sale in 24 hours; all items must be homemade, and the winner is the one with the most money at the end.

For the thousandth time, Craig Adams reminds us he cannot cook. This helplessness is getting old quickly. He tells the daughter to figure something out as she’s trying to talk to him, because, get this, he is going to go take a shower! This is not Meet Big Sister, Dad, this is Meet Mr. Mom. Don’t put this all on her!

Shane feels good about the task, since he owns restaurants, and he has his kitchen shipshape and Bristol fashion with all the kids pitching in under his guidance. He opts for one item only made in bulk. They wrap them in packets of three in such an obvious product placement ploy (Glad Press and Seal if you’re wondering) that I vow not to check the stuff out.

The Adams’ kitchen is a disaster as poor Amy tries to do it all and none of it comes out really well. We take a quick break from this angst to watch the moms go head to head in a tennis match. The winner gets Dustin! Now this is a reality show I can sink my teeth into—Moms Gone Wild. Snicker. Hotty’s prize is a nice drink, some lotion rubbing, and of course a wink or two.

When Amy has to go to school, Craig actually pulls himself together and cooks. Lord knows how it tastes, but by the time the kids come home, there is a lot of stuff ready to sell. The kids exude shock from their pores.

The families gather somewhere public for the bake sale, tables across from each other, and the games begin. The McColgans quickly sell out with their smooth marketing and pre-wrapped packages of cookies. In an impressive marketing ploy, however, Craig one ups them and raises his prices astronomically and actually gets people to purchase banana bread for like twenty dollars! I’d better react like Sally if I eat a twenty dollar mini-loaf of bread.