The Amazing Race 8, Episode 6: A Hill of Beans

It takes a very strong person to admit when he or she is wrong. Dear readers, I am just that sort of person. I was wrong about the Weavers. At first I liked them. Then I thought they were pretty okay. This week, I can’t take it anymore. They’re rude, they’re mean, and they need to shut up and leave. Please forgive me for defending them. I would do the same for you!

Previously on Put On All Your Clothes, We’re Going to Panama!: Six families left the U.S. (finally!) and headed to Panama. Specifically, the Panama Canal, where they engaged in impromptu boat races. The Linzes hate the Weavers. (Consequently, I don’t dislike the Linzes so much anymore, mostly because now I can see things more clearly from their perspective.) The Paolos and Gaghans raced to do the Fast Forward, which the Paolos reached first. D.J. was afraid of heights but bungee jumped with Marion anyway. It was kind of sweet. The Pink Ladies and Linzes did the detour together. Bill got the Gaghans past the Pink Ladies with the swing of a bat, keeping them in the race. The Paolos hit the mat first and the Pink Ladies came in last, but fortunately for them, it was a non-elimination leg. They got their money and possessions taken, but they still have a lot of underwear. Six families are left:

The Paolos: Marion, Tony, D.J., and Brian - Parents and kids/I can’t believe they’re in first place

The Weavers: Linda, Rebecca, Rolly, and Rachel - Mother and kids/Everyone hates them

The Bransens: Wally, Lauren, Beth, and Lindsay - Father and daughters/Mostly good racers

The Linzes: Megan, Nick, Tommy, and Alex - Sister and brothers/I have mixed feelings about them

The Gaghans: Tammy, Bill, Billy, and Carissa - Parents and kids/I love them

The Godlewskis (Pink Ladies): Sharon, Christine, Tricia, and Michelle - Sisters/Hanging in there

The teams are at Miraflores Locks on the Panama Canal. Will the Pink Ladies be hurt by the loss of their possessions and money, or will they rebound? The Paolos are the first to leave, at 8:22 p.m. Their clue tells them to go to San Jose, Costa Rica, via charter bus. There are three buses, 30 minutes apart. When they arrive in San Jose, they will drive 30 miles to Volcan Paos, a volcano, to get their next clue. Marion says that she thinks the boys appreciate her more now. She wants them to get that she can still do this race. She also doesn’t want them to take advantage of all the things she’s done for them. Tony says that he loves it when things go well for them. Unfortunately, everyone promptly starts bickering.

My new enemies the Weavers leave second. Rachel says that they were raised not to trust others, but to trust their family and God. Why were they raised not to trust others? That’s weird. The Bransens leave and Wally jokes that they should find a hotel. He says that the girls are close to each other, so he’s kind of an outsider. The Linzes leave. They say that they’ve met a lot of nice people on the race, but they’re going to be going down to five teams soon, so they’ll have a one in five chance of winning. They see the competition in the other families’ eyes.

The Linzes get a cab, but the Bransens and Weavers are out of luck. The Gaghans leave and Carissa asks if they have to walk to Costa Rica. Billy adopts a typical big brother tone and says that, yes, they have to walk 200 miles to Costa Rica. I would say, “Ask a silly question, get a silly answer,” but she’s nine, so I don’t expect her to know where Costa Rica is in relation to Panama. (Linda, on the other hand…) Bill says that they need to move up in the rankings.

The Weavers and Gaghans get cabs. Carissa spots the Bransens getting a cab as well. The Bransens are a little cramped for space and one of the sisters has to sit on the others’ laps. The Paolos arrive at the charter buses and get on the first one, which leaves at 11:30 a.m. The Linzes arrive and D.J. yells directions to them so they can also get on the first bus. He says that he’s just glad the Weavers aren’t on the bus with them; the Weavers have to fend for themselves.

The Pink Ladies leave, deciding that they need to get about $40. They start flirting with some guys. One guy says, “I don’t have money, I have love.” Funny, but also a little creepy. The Pink Ladies don’t have time for love (at least not without money), so off they go to ask some other people. They head to a bar and get some cash. Their cab driver tells them that $21 is okay.

The Gaghans and Weavers race to get to the charter bus signup. D.J. yells directions to the Gaghans, but it doesn’t really matter, since the Weavers and Gaghans both get on the 12:00 bus. The Bransens get on the 12:30 bus and can’t believe they went from third place to tied for last. The Pink Ladies also, of course, get on the 12:30 bus. They ask the Weavers for some money, which the Weavers agree to give. The Pink Ladies say that they’re being nice to the Weavers and vice versa, so they think that when things come down to it, everything will be okay.

The 11:30 bus leaves. Tony likes the view. The second bus leaves. Tammy and Bill seem touched by the obvious poverty they’re driving past. Bill says that it’s helping them appreciate the good things they have, which is a great gift to give their kids. Adopt me, please. I’ll baby-sit whenever you want, and for free. The third bus leaves and the Pink Ladies note that they’re tied for last, not totally in last. That’s a good attitude to have, actually.

The first bus arrives in San Jose. The Paolos are straggling. Marion says, “I’m coming,” and D.J. responds, “So’s Christmas.” I think that’s the first thing he’s said that I laughed at. What is happening to me this week? The teams get in vans and the Linzes find someone to lead them to Volcan Paos. They tell the Paolos to follow them. The second bus arrives and the Weavers and Gaghans have trouble finding the vans. The third bus arrives and the Pink Ladies and Bransens get directions to the vans. The Gaghans and Weavers are still having no luck; no one they ask knows where to go.

The Weavers and Gaghans are still walking. This is fun. They spot the Pink Ladies and everyone arrives at the vans. Linda tries to drive stick shift, insisting that she knows how, and Rolly comments that the brakes work. In the Paolos’ van, D.J. makes sure his family is okay. I’m sorry, I must have seen that wrong. Let me rewind. In the Paolos’ van, D.J. makes sure his family is okay. Um… am I watching the right show?

The Pink Ladies spot a sign for the volcano. The Bransens decide to ask for directions. For some reason, Wally wants one of the girls to ask, but the girls want him to get out and ask. Since the girls refuse, Wally says they just won’t ask. What? Why are they all being stubborn? In the Weavers’ van, Rachel prays to beat the other teams, if it’s God’s will. Um… no. Just no. I can’t stand it when people do that. Pray for safety, pray for health, pray for patience, pray for calmness, but don’t pray to win a race. That’s like saying, “God, if you really love us, you’ll help us win.” Look, I’ll pray for pretty much anything, but not to come in first.

The Linzes arrive at Volcan Paos, but the gates are locked. Carissa is asleep in the Gaghans’ van; Bill says that’s good, because she’s able to just wake up and get going. The Paolos and Pink Ladies reach the volcano, followed closely by the Weavers, Bransens, and Gaghans.