But Can They Sing?, Episode 2: They Want You to Want Them

Last week, But Can They Sing? premiered to horror of eardrums everywhere. This week, three celebrities will be leaving, thankfully. Will your favorite make the cut? Also, this week, ANT of Last Comic Standing and Celebrity Fit Club will be sitting as judge to speak for us!

Ahmet Zappa welcomes us! He reminds us again that these celebrities are not professionals. He also tells us that our favorites may be the best singer, or the most entertaining train wreck. Ahmet tells the celebrities that if he calls them to perform, it means they are moving on.

Ahmet welcomes the judges, Rachel Riggs, Jackie Simley-Stephens, and Tony Michaels. He also welcomes Michael Escovedo and the band. And a special welcome for ANT.

I predicted last week that Bai Ling, Kim Alexis, and Myrka Dellanos would be taking the plane home. So, who is the first celebrity to escape the guillotine? Michael Copon! Michael says his technique was off last week, and that’s why he was bad. So that’s what it was. He struggles with his song for this week, but says he wants to step it up!

Michael Copon, “American Woman”

Michael starts strong, but as he gets excited, his pitch goes all over the place. He does some improvising that doesn’t help. He rips open his shirt, that helps garner a few screams.

Tony thinks Michael needs to apply himself more and stop with the antics. ANT was pleased with the antics, especially the shirt bit. He says Michael can get any woman he wanted, and any man too.

Our next successful celebrity is… Morgan Fairchild!

Morgan thinks she sounded strained, which she finds surprising since she’s not a singer. Morgan worries that she won’t get her song down for this week. She hopes this week to have more fun and “just be better!”

Morgan Fairchild, “I Will Survive”

Last week, Morgan had an easy task with “These Boots Are Made For Walking,” but this week she has a much harder song to tackle. Morgan definitely has the attitude, but she is exposed this week vocally. Did I really say that? Overall, though, she isn’t as bad as she could have been.

Ahmet asks how she feels about her performance. Morgan wants a Mulligan. Jackie says Morgan’s passion for the song really showed. ANT says she “brought it, bee-yatch!”

Who else gets to continue? Antonio Sabato Jr.!

Antonio says he learned a lot from last week, and he was scared. It kept him from being connected or even hearing himself. We weren’t so lucky. Antonio says this is a dream come true, and he’s ready to rock this week.

Antonio Sabato, Jr., “I Want You To Want Me”

While it is clear that he will not be challenging Ricky Martin and Marc Anthony anytime soon, he’s actually a bit better this week. It helps that vocal skill isn’t really needed for this song. It must be noted that as handsome as he is, his movement onstage is pretty hideous. And the shirt came off!

ANT is dying to vote! He can’t believe Anthony stooped to gimmicks like taking off his shirt… but he’s okay with it. Rachel says he was totally committed to the song and she could tell. He definitely improved from last week.

So, who else is next? Carmine Gotti Agnello!

Carmine says the screaming was so loud last week that he couldn’t hear the beat or anything. Jackie wants him to work on being “in the pocket.” Carmine says when he starts, the show is over.

Carmine Gotti Agnello, “Drop It Like It’s Hot”

This week, Carmine gets a Snoop song to rap. Good news, because Snoop raps a bit slower and he’s not always in the pocket either, but he makes it work like genius. Therefore, it’s no surprise that Carmine does much, much better this week. I think the judges will be pleased. He tells Ahmet he was going to take his shirt off, but Michael and Antonio made it passé already. Then he takes it off anyway.

Jackie says it’s the best she’s seen from him so far. She says he has everything he needs to go a long way with a career. Tony can barely contain himself. He says Carmine definitely worked hard and caught him completely off-guard.

There’s only room for two more survivors! If it’s not Joe Pantoliano and Larry Holmes, I will be shocked! Ahmet ends the suspense for two celebrities who will be leaving. The first being… Kim Alexis. She smiles graciously. The second… Myrka Dellanos. (I’m two for two!) Ahmet congratulates their courage. I’ll second that.

Who’s next to sing? Larry Holmes!

Larry admits he got caught up and lost the second verse entirely. This week, he’s struggling with the words to his new song, but he’s hoping the rehearsals will see him through.

Larry Holmes, “Let’s Get It On”

Larry definitely has spirit, and man, he wants to be good so badly. It’s just not gonna happen in our lifetime. Lo and behold, he forgets the words to the bridge. Again. There’s not that many words to this song, Larry! Let’s blame the shots to the head. Larry tells Ahmet he’s fought Mohamed Ali etc., but he’s never been this scared before. Poor guy.

Jackie says he had us, all he had to do was surrender to the song. And she loves him. Yes, she so wants in his pants!

In a brilliant piece of production, the promo for next week tells us who is advancing next week! I love when that happens! It tells us we can vote for Bai Ling and no mention of Joe Pantoliano, so we know what that means, right?

Ahmet says we have to say goodbye to one more celebrity. Gee, I wonder who? It’s Joey Pants (Joe Pantoliano)! What a shock.

Bai says she was surprised by how scared she was. Bai throws a bit of a tantrum in dress rehearsal that she attributes to nerves. She will ask the audience to “call her” with their votes.

Bai Ling, “Call Me”

Somehow, Bai Ling makes “Call Me” sound like a Russian folk song! Her lower register belongs in the salt mines. Maybe her outfit too, this tiny little neon orange number. She’s got plenty of energy, but that voice. It’s robbing me of the will to live. The audience gives a confused smatter of applause.

Tony says Bai is starting to take direction, and she’s on her way. ANT says she brought it in rehearsal and dropped it somewhere. He does not agree with the coaches. Me either.

Next week, we lose another celebrity. If you ask me, and surely you would, here’s how I see it:

1. Morgan
2. Carmine
3. Michael
4. Antonio
5. Larry

And this travesty that we call Bai Ling must surely end. Please, for the children. Send her home.

Let’s try to get a good meal in our bellies and come back again next week. Only five weeks to go.

Now that you’ve read the recap, find out what the Foxes On Idol judge has to say at We’ll Be the Judge of That!

Sting7 has been a respected published writer for many years, as a music editor, entertainment critic, columnist, and interviewer. He also has a curious love for pro-wrestling! You can email Stinger at stingseven@yahoo.com.

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