The Amazing Race 8, Episode 7: Marry Me, Phil

Previously on Try Not to Think About the Poor Gaghans Being Gone: Six families raced from Panama to Costa Rica, where they visited a volcano. The Weavers were not impressed. The Paolos inadvertently declared war on the Weavers by yielding them (despite the fact that any other team would have done it if they’d arrived first). The Weavers showed their true colors and united a nation… against them. Tammy battled a pile of coffee beans. The detour took the teams into the rainforest, where Tony demonstrated that carrying pounds of garbage every day will eventually help you later in life. The Paolos came in first again, but, unfortunately, the Gaghans were sent packing. I know it hurts. It’s okay to cry about it. Five families remain in the race:

The Paolos: Marion, Tony, Brian, and D.J. - Parents and sons/Have all apparently undergone brain transplants

The Linzes: Alex, Megan, Tommy, and Nick - Siblings/My pick to win

The Bransens: Wally, Lauren, Lindsay, and Beth - Father and daughters/Going to be tough to beat

The Godlewskis (Pink Ladies): Michelle, Tricia, Christine, and Sharon - Sisters/Just need to not lose their minds

The Weavers: Linda, Rachel, Rolly, and Rebecca - Mom and kids/I don’t want to talk about it

Phil reminds us that we’re in Costa Rica. I haven’t mentioned much this season how much I love Phil. So here goes: I LOVE PHIL. I have mega-sized love for him to carry me through this mega-sized episode. Will the Paolos be able to keep working together (and stop scaring me in the process)? Will the Weavers survive being outcasts?

The Paolos are the first to leave at 7:27 a.m. Their clue tells them to go to a beach called Playa Maracas, where one person will swim out to a buoy for the next clue. Marion says that she’s been a little slow physically, but she’s still going to help her family. D.J. says that he now respects his mother for all that she does. The Linzes leave second. Tommy says that they like to think that they’re the fastest and the strongest, but the race isn’t all about physical agility. Either Alex or Nick says that he doesn’t want learning experiences on the race, he just wants to win.

The Bransens get their clue and debate having Wally do the swimming. Tony will swim for the Paolos and Nick will swim for the Linzes. Wally winds up doing it for the Bransens. D.J. wonders if Tony can swim; Marion assures him that he can. The Bransen girls yell at their father than he’s a “skinny fish.” Tony and Nick reach the buoy, but Tony is having some trouble staying afloat. D.J. wonders why Tony said he could do the task if he couldn’t. Marion notes that he must have thought he could. I think D.J. needs to think before he speaks, because it’s not like Tony thought he would drown. D.J. yells at his father not to drown. I’m pretty sure he was already thinking that himself. Tony has to be helped back to shore by the “rescue swimmers.”

Nick returns, moving the Linzes into first place. Their clue tells them to travel 60 miles to a town called Grecia, where they will find the Iglesia de Metal (Metal Church). They’ll get their clue from an altar boy. Wally finishes up and Tony makes it to shore. D.J. is adamant that he carry his father’s backpack, which is nice of him. The Linzes search for a phone to call a taxi. One of the Bransen girls (I’m fine with Beth, but I’ve long given up on trying to tell the younger two apart) tells the others not to run, since their father just swam for them.

The Bransens and Linzes have phone trouble, so they ask Tony for help, since he speaks Spanish. Tony gets the phone working and calls for three cabs. The Linzes are pleased that their driver speaks English and knows where he’s going. He tells them the trip will be two and a half hours. To drive 60 miles? Sheesh. Or did I mishear the distance? If I did, PLEASE DON’T E-MAIL ME. My inbox never quite recovered from the “walk to the visitor’s center” debacle.

The Pink Ladies leave. Tricia says that they know they argue and need to work on that. Sharon is elected to swim. Her sisters say that she’ll complain when she gets back, but she’ll do it. Indeed, Sharon does well, and she doesn’t even complain. The Weavers leave last. Rachel says that she’d rather be hated for who they are than liked for being people they’re not. Even when the people they are… aren’t really very nice? She just wants to compete. Rolly does the swimming. The Pink Ladies call for a taxi, and a little later, the Weavers find a phone and call as well. They’re eager to catch up to the other teams. They ask their driver’s name (Arnold) and cheer for him. Okay, that was nice.

The Linzes reach the church and see that there’s a funeral going on. The Paolos and Bransens are close behind, and the Bransens note that they should be respectful. The Linzes find the clue first; it’s a detour. The choices are Brush and Barrel. In Brush, families take a taxi ten miles to a boxcar factory, where they will paint part of a wheel. In Barrel, families take a taxi ten miles to a sugarcane plantation, where they have to transport a wagon full of sugarcane to a rum factory, then find their clue on a barrel. Interesting choices. They’re equal distances away, but one is physically demanding and the other isn’t, and doesn’t even really require any skill. Well, I guess if you can’t color inside the lines, you’re in trouble.

Initially, the Paolos and Bransens choose Barrel and the Linzes choose Brush. In their cabs, however, the Paolos and Linzes reevaluate their decision. The Linzes have apparently decided to choose strength over the alternative as often as possible, so they change over to Barrel. The Bransens switch over to Brush. They’re not sure if their cab driver knows where she’s going.

The Pink Ladies are enjoying the scenery. They think it’s very pretty and romantic. Michelle notes that there’s no romance on this trip, at least not for their team. The Weavers keep cheering for their driver. As the Paolos approach Barrel, Tony notes that since they did the banana task last time, they can definitely do this one. The Paolos and Linzes reach Barrel and start piling sugarcane. Basically sugarcane looks like long, skinny sticks – probably not very heavy, but a little unruly when you grab a bunch of them. The Bransens find themselves back at the church and they’re not happy about it. One of the girls says their driver is stupid. Don’t get on thin ice with me, whichever Bransen you are. The girls look like they’re about to have a Weaver-like meltdown.